My fiancé (26F) and I (27M) decided to break up but she couldn’t move out due to the lockdown. After about four months isolating with her, I’ve realized I don’t want to break up anymore.
A Redditor shared their heartfelt story about realizing they don’t want to break up with their fiancé after months of isolating together during the lockdown. Though their relationship had lost its spark due to busy schedules.
The unexpected time together rekindled feelings of love and connection. Now, they’re unsure how to navigate these emotions and whether their fiancé feels the same way. Read the full story below.
‘ My fiancé (26F) and I (27M) decided to break up but she couldn’t move out due to the lockdown. After about four months isolating with her, I’ve realized I don’t want to break up anymore.’
My fiancé and I have been dating since college, and as soon as we graduated, I proposed to her. However, we decided to get married only once we’re both financially stable and okay with our jobs. Two years down the road (we’ve also been living together for that long), we now meet those requirements.
However, our love for each other disappeared. Or at least the ‘spark’ we used to have. We became very busy. Her with her graduate education plus job and me with my work. I admit I’ve been spending way too much time in the office and once I get home, I use my free time to get ahead with deadlines and stuff.
She’s also constantly stressed as she’s juggling her education and her teaching job. We never had time for each other anymore but we were still busy enough to even notice that. Then March came, she approached me with the subject and we had a long talk.
It was an emotional one, we’ve known each other for so long after all, and we were reaching our end after so many years. She was already in the process of booking flights to stay with her parents for a while when the lockdown was announced.
She decided to not go home anymore in fear of possibly carrying the virus and infecting her family. I agreed with that decision, and since then we’ve been isolating together. We’re both working from home now and she also finished her studies on April. Because of that, we’ve been having a lot of free time.
At first, it felt a bit awkward. I didn’t even know how to talk to her anymore. I got used to short and empty small talk with her. But she’s always known how to get me out of my shell, so it didn’t take too long before we were having full conversations once again. I just found out that she’s had a newfound love for playing Sims 4.
She showed me the family she was playing with currently, and I noticed that it was herself and.. me, plus a dog and a cat whose names were our birth months, lol. She had been so shy initially, but she doesn’t know that I was also feeling flustered then. I think this is the start of me questioning our decision to break up.
After that, it was the small things. I also caught her up on how my life has been, like my shtty supervisor, how I haven’t been taking care of my health lately, etc… and since then she started pushing me to workout with her and she’s also been trying to get me into healthier options of food.
I also came to find out new things about her in these months, which is surprising considering how we’ve been together for many years now. These past few months have been… really good. I felt like I was brought back to the times when we first met and I feel like a high schooler with a crush.
The thing is, I’m not sure if I can trust my feelings right now. The only person I’ve had contact with was her (except for my frequent calls with family and friends) and I may be just having an infatuation right now. I also think we’re lucky since we’re both very free right now.
But I keep thinkng, what happens after the lockdown ends? Will we go back to being those busy people that have too little time for each other? I also don’t know how to approach her with this… She’s always been the talker in our relationship, you know.
But at the same time I’m also afraid to talk about it and potentially ruin things for us right now. What if she doesn’t feel the same.. what if she’s just treating me kindly because that’s what she is, a genuinely kind person?
The only hope I’m holding onto right now is the fact that she hasn’t planned on going back to her family yet despite domestic travels being allowed in our country now.. How do I go on about this?
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
[Reddit User] − Same way she went about bringing up breaking up. You approach the subject in the exact same way. It’ll take guts
If it’s easier don’t go into it talking about “wanting to stay together” but about how you feel,
just talk about how you’ve felt the last few months how it’s improved since lockdown started. Also the Sims thing was a massive hint dude as well that she’s at least considered the same thoughts as you.
no_therworldly − How about instead of ‘i don’t wanna break up anymore’ go with ‘can I take you out on a date?’ Approach it like a new thing! If she says yes then maybe have her stay in her room for a while for you to prepare the living room for a floor picnic or build a fort or even take her out to a real picnic etc.
Melanie_Jellyfish − You know, a lot of folks who have been in lockdown together are absolutely sick of each other by now. I read that Wuhan had a huge number of divorces filed as soon as their quarantine was lifted. I think it’s special that you two have enjoyed this time together and have been able to reconnect.
I think it says something that you have not gotten sick of each other and have actually gotten a lot closer and found new ways to appreciate each other. Maybe you can bring it up by starting with an admission of how vulnerable you are feeling about it.
Perhaps “I want to talk to you about something, but given what we’ve been through the past few months I’m feeling nervous about this conversation. The truth is that being in lockdown with you has made me appreciate you more than ever,
and I’m so grateful that we’ve had this chance to be with each other in a more intentional way than before. I realize that if we can be in lockdown together for months and only get closer, then there is something special about our relationship.
I’m still in love with you and I dont want to break up anymore.” You should have a plan for what’s next if she says no, but given your perspective on this it seems like it will be a good conversation no matter what.
memesandmorememes24 − I think maybe try it while y’all are talking or playing a game or doing something together just say “I don’t think I want to break up anymore “ and that should get the conversation started
[Reddit User] − I don’t know why people think a relationship is supposed to be perfect and everything will be exactly the same as it was in the beginning. Our lives are not movies. We have stress, we have work, we have real life, we have real issues we have exhaustion.
The “spark” will come and go, but the only way to maintain that is for both people to put an effort in keeping the relationship exciting. But you have to be realistic about your expectations. The next time you feel life gets busy or the spark has faded are you going to want to break up again?
You need to think about things before you even approach her. If you do really want to get back together you both have to have a serious conversation about what your expectations are and how you plan on dealing with difficult times in the relationship.
If you’re not prepared for this conversation, you’re not prepared for marriage. Edit* after reading a bunch of the comments and seeing your replies, I don’t want to be mean but I have to be honest. There’s a big level of immaturity here.
You want to talk about getting back together and marriage while casually playing sims? No. I’m sorry but you need to grow up. Learn how to communicate. This is a serious conversation, not one to be brought up causally.
BrokenAshcraft − If you can’t tell her, show her. Go out of your way to make her dinner. Draw a bath for her. Buy her flowers with a card you would give a lover and not an ex. You don’t have to use words to convey how you feel.
The quarantine hasn’t scewed your feelings: it’s finally given you and your ex time together to bond, time you weren’t giving each other before quarantine. Take advantage. Build your own sims family and make her your wife there, too.. *Use your actions.*
EclecticVictuals − Why don’t you show her this post? Or make her a card telling her how much you appreciate her? Or text her, “I want to have a talk with you but I’m having trouble getting the words out.
I’ve really enjoyed spending these months with you and I really like where our relationship is now. Would you be willing to talk to me about whether we should stay together? ❤️”
sad_basilisk − Just sit her down and ask her honestly “are you sure about this breakup?” Figure out how she’s feeling about things (because it may not be the same).
If you need to explain yourself, tell her everything you said here. Whether she does feel the same, it definitely sounds like she would have noticed a change too and would understand where this is coming from
-kenzi- − Your relationship isnt going to constantly be exciting and have that spark. It will occasionally get boring. Dont you get bored by yourself? Living with a partner long term will have the same effect. Love is a choice and compromise every day.
[Reddit User] − Congratulations! You’ve discovered that long term relationships are never the same year after year. You are both people with your own desires, goals, and interests. You’re both growing and maturing. You aren’t the same people you were a few years ago when you were newly together and everything was magical.
That spark? That’s nice, huh? But it’s Disney b**lshit. Fairy tale stuff. The spark will not be there your entire lives. You’ll fight. You’ll disagree. You may even fall in and out of love over and over again. You’ll change, and so will she. That’s NORMAL.
Communicate. Be open and honest. Be empathetic. Being with someone long-term isn’t just this natural thing that’s super easy and everyone can do without help. It’s f**king hard sometimes. There will be obstacles. There will be hard decisions that you won’t always agree on.
There will be pain and loss and suffering. That’s life – and living it with another person will double the chances of it happening.
Being with someone is a choice you make every day.
It’s okay if some days you don’t really like them a whole lot and you want some distance, but it’s also okay if you cool off and decide you’d still like to be with them. We don’t live in a Disney happy ending.
You aren’t a failure or bad at relationships if you get sad or go through a rough patch. You’re human, both of you. Recognize that, and if you really want to be together… keep choosing to be together. And keep communicating. Never stop communicating.
Do you think this renewed connection could last beyond the unique circumstances of isolation? Should the Redditor take the leap and share their feelings, or wait for more clarity? How would you approach a delicate situation like this? Share your thoughts below!
For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/fDyst