Wife(27F) and her family kept her affair hidden from me(31M). Best way to go about it for me?

A man (31M) shares his devastating discovery of his pregnant wife’s (27F) eight-month affair with their married veterinarian. Betrayed by her actions and her family’s complicity, he seeks advice on whether to expose her at a family Thanksgiving dinner by serving divorce papers or handle it more discreetly. Read his full story below.

‘ Wife(27F) and her family kept her affair hidden from me(31M). Best way to go about it for me?’

Thinking about serving my pregnant wife with divorce papers at her parent’s house on Thanksgiving day. Backstory is that I’ve been married to this woman (Becky) for 4 years now. 3 weeks ago she meant the world to me. I would’ve done just about anything for Becky, but now I don’t even see her as a human.

I’ve always wanted a family and she knew this before we got married. She also had the same goals in life for us. After getting married she decided that she didn’t want to be a mother, and I was hurt but accepted her decision. We purchased a small farm after getting married, and Becky decided that would be her full time job.

We really were blessed to be living the beautiful life that we were living. Becky wants a Thoroughbred horse for six figures no problem. Becky wants to import a heard of Brahman cows, because regular cows look boring no problem. Becky wants a brand new diesel truck every year to drive into town no problem.

I had no issue providing all of these things, because I knew her first love was taking care of animals. I knew that’s what made her happy. A few weeks ago her best friend (Emily) wanted to know if I was available to meet her, because she wanted to tell me something.

I figured that she had a surprise for Becky and wanted my help or something. Emily came over to the house when Becky was away, and basically handed me a file with the evidence of my soon to be ex wife’s affair. Becky had been having a full 8 month affair with the married veterinarian.

Emily and Becky have been best friends for over 10 years, so Becky tells her everything. Emily let me look over the file, and then told me about the affair. The highlights of the affair were that it was with someone who bills me hourly for thousands of dollars.

The same man I see in church (where my FIL is the pastor) and shakes my hand while me and his wife are clueless. Becky and him sleep together in what is supposed to be our house daily. Almost every time Becky goes on a trip it’s with her lover and not her friends.

Becky deliberately sent me 2 states away to pick up a trailer, so she could have the house to herself and her lover. All the new girly clothes and heels are for this man and not me. The icing on the cake is that Becky is currently pregnant with her lover and not me.

I know this because she admitted it all through text to Emily. She admitted to keeping the truth hidden from me. Emily also knows her Becky had a conversation with her parents who are supposed to be very high ranking religious people in our little town.

Her father who’s the pastor encouraged his daughter to keep the truth hidden about everything to protect their image. The worst part is I was so excited about this news, and now my friends and family know. I can’t believe someone can be this evil to do something like this.

Becky has already started to set the room and make changes to the house. The thing is that it’s been weeks since I found out about this. I’ve used that time to get my ducks in a row for divorce. She has zero idea that I know what’s going on behind my back.

I also took this time to confirm, and get video evidence of the affair. I’ve already hired my divorce lawyer who’s not even from our town. Luckily my state isn’t a community property state. According to my lawyer I will probably come out pretty well especially with all the evidence we have on her.

I’ve already had a listing agent look at the house/farm and give me an idea of what I can get for it. My question is about my plan for ending this. For Thanksgiving we usually have a big service at her father’s church. I want to look into her father and mother’s eyes and have them lie to me about their daughter.

My plan is to have the divorce papers served at my ex in-laws house right before dinner. Her entire family will be there from siblings to grandparents to friends including Emily. After she is served and realizes what is going on will be my time to leave. My best friend doesn’t think this is a great idea.

I think he’s looking after my safety since most of her family carry, and he doesn’t want me to be out numbered. Personally I don’t think I’ll be in any harm. The other less exciting option is just to do this at our house, and see what happens from there. Not sure which route to go down.

After this is over I plan on leaving this town and not looking back. As for why Emily is turning on her I believe it’s jealousy. Emily isn’t married and isn’t that well off financially. Emily could’ve told me 8 months ago, but waited all this time. I’m not sure what to think. If all this sounds scattered I apologize my mind is all over the place and lacking sleep.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Lichenbruten −  I would listen to your lawyer on the delivery and not your emotions or rando redditors.

ConstructionLeast674 −  If the veterinarian was doing work for you and also having a relationship with your wife that would be classified as a conflict of interest. Have your Lawyer see about going after his license.

You may not be able to get it taken away, but you can definitely cause some serious damage to it. Also, that would bring his involvement in this to light for everybody, including his peers to see. At this point going scorched earth on everybody should be your goal.

misterk2020 −  My first thought is to name and shame publicly but if your friend is concerned for your safety, you may want to take his advice. Everything else you are doing the way you should be. Sorry this happened to you.

Anonymoosehead123 −  Burn her and her family’s lives to the ground. Her behavior, and theirs, is beyond disgusting. It’s unforgivable and so grossly hypocritical. Is there any way you could have her served at the church service?

Throw_RA099 −  Hitting the “fake” button on this one

Dizzy_Signature_2145 −  I’m so sorry. Your wife is dirty. I think I would not attend Thanksgiving dinner. Go somewhere on a mini vacation. Visit a friend. Protect yourself from further mayhem. If possible, have your wife served at church. You owe nothing to any of these people.

Br4z3nBu77 −  In this creative writing experiment of choose your own adventure, I take option A, scorched earth. I guess I turn to page 89 to Updateme! ?

benicebuddy −  Can’t wait for part 2 of this completely fabricated story. I bet you return to your home town and run in to a girl from high school who turned hot, got rich, sold a business, and is now running a stationary store across from the coffee shop where you’ve been going every morning.

YourRAResource −  I think this would be a monumental mistake. And listen, I get it; you’re furious at all involved and you want to embarrass them all. But all you’d be doing is hurting yourself. In a divorce, you need to put your emotions aside due to the legal implications.

What you need is to be amicable. Depending on where you are, most areas place no bearing on infidelity, so if that’s the case, all you’d be doing here is giving her reason not to be civil with you, and that only hurts you.

I’m less worried about her family carrying – what are they going to do, m**der you? I’m only worried about how she’ll respond, which will be not well, because even though she fucked up, that no longer matters when you get into a legal battle. So what you should do is serve her now and not go to Thanksgiving. Good luck.

briomio −  OP, you need to be out of town and out of the reach of your wife and her relatives when those papers are served. Do you not see that if you die she gets everything?

You are worth nothing to her alive and everything if you are deceased. SHe is having an affair with a vet who has access to drugs that can kill and incapacitate you. Don’t be stupid. Just get out of Dodge and stay out until the divorce is final.

Revealing infidelity and betrayal is never easy, especially when a larger community is involved. Should he expose the affair publicly for accountability, or take a quieter, more private approach? How would you handle such a deeply personal yet explosive situation? Share your perspective below!