Wife (36F) ruined my (38M) staycation and I’m trying not to lose it.

A Redditor shares his frustration about his wife interrupting his much-needed staycation, which was intended for self-care. Despite explaining multiple times that he needed time for himself to relax, his wife continued to impose tasks, interrupt his activities, and insist on working from home.

The Redditor feels overwhelmed and is worried about snapping at his wife. He’s trying to balance expressing his needs with maintaining a healthy relationship. Read the original story below to see how things developed.

‘ Wife (36F) ruined my (38M) staycation and I’m trying not to lose it.’

I work a very demanding job. There are very few, if any, times during the year when I have the luxury to take a few days off to myself. When I get home from work, between cooking dinner, doing dishes, and taking care of chores around the house, I get maybe 2 hours a day to relax.

My wife gets upset if I don’t spend all of that time with her. So I don’t get to watch my shows, play my video games, or read my books. I’ve told her many times that I need time to relax and do the things I enjoy, and she’ll agree with me, but then start giving me things to do or try to get me to do something else with her within 30 seconds of me starting.

So two months ago, I asked my boss if I could use a week of vacation between Christmas and New Year’s. It’s a slow week and we made arrangements to ensure that I am covered during those days for emergencies.

I told my wife that this will be my me time to do all of the things that I want, to destress from life, and to catch up on the things that I really enjoy. I also planned to clean up my office and organize my files, which is something that has stressed me out for a while. My wife agreed and told me that she was very happy I’m going to be able to do some self care.

This weekend, she informed me that she had scheduled the chimney cleaners for Wednesday because I’d be home. She wrote down a list of things for me to do. Go to Home Depot, clean up the yard debris, pick up groceries for the week, go through boxes in the basement and organize everything.

I politely informed her that I would not be doing any of those things, that this week was about self care and addressing my needs, and with only 4 real days (minus Christmas) I was not going to add additional tasks. She told me to just get to what I had time for.

On Tuesday, my wife decided to work from home. This prevented me from organizing my office since we share an office. I put on one of my video games and started to play. Ten seconds later, my wife came flying in and told me to turn it off because it was too loud while she was trying to make phone calls. I told her to shut the office door, but she told me it was entirely too loud and sounded unprofessional in the background.

So I pulled out a book and started reading on the couch. I did that for about an hour when my wife decided to come out into the living room and work on her laptop. She turned on The Kardashians. I sarcastically asked if that wouldn’t make her sound unprofessional in the background. She replied, “I’ll just mute it if a call comes in.” Which is exactly what she did.

So after 15 minutes of trash TV and loud business phone calls, I went into our bedroom to read my book. At this point, my wife kept interrupting me every few minutes.

“How’s the book?” “How much more do you have to go?” “What’s it about?” “Do you want lunch?” “What do you want for dinner?” “Are you still on the same book?” “Do you want to watch something on TV?” “Am I ruining your day?” “Do you not want to spend time with me?” “Do you know where the black water bottle went?”

Eventually it was time for dinner, so I just gave up and put my book down. Today, she decided to work from home again. I told her it wasn’t necessary. She told me that she wanted to work from home. I replied, “Yes, but no offense, I do not want you here.” She laughed and said, “I know, it’s your self care week, but I don’t feel like going in. We can both be here.”

So I could not be in the office, I had to be up early for the chimney cleaners, and could not be in the living room because they were working in there. I went into our bedroom and started reading my book. She came in and informed me that I needed to stay with the chimney sweepers in case they had questions because she had work calls that she had to take. I was unable to concentrate with them working, so I just sat there.

When they finally finished, I took my book out and started reading. That’s when my wife decided to come out into the living room and turn on The Kardashians again. I migrated into the bedroom, laid down on the bed, and continued reading my book. Ten minutes later, she came in with her laptop and laid down on the bed next to me.

I did my best to ignore the typing and phone calls and just concentrate on my book. Then she started snoring. Not heavy breathing, but literal congested wheezing, choking, snoring. I sighed, got up, headed into the living room, laid down on the couch and put one of my shows on.

That lasted 15 minutes before my wife came in and started talking through it. She kept asking questions about it, criticizing it, talking about how it’s clear why she wouldn’t watch it, asking how many episodes there are, how long each episode is, and so on. Finally after needing to rewind the same part eight times, I accepted defeat and turned it off.

My wife informed me that she thinks she’s going to work from home the rest of the week. She saw the look on my face, smiled and said, “I know, I’m cramping your style and ruining your week off, but it’s a quiet week and it works for me to be home.”

I told her, “I love spending time with you, but I need my alone time. I haven’t been able to do anything for me and it is damaging to my mental health.” She insists that she understands and she wants me to have time to myself, but it seems to be in theory only, not in practice.

I have found myself snapping at her and being terse with her and I do not want that. I am afraid that I am going to explode on her. I don’t know how to make myself any clearer but she doesn’t seem to be taking me seriously.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

stellastellamaris −  “I know, I’m cramping your style and ruining your week off, but it’s a quiet week and it works for me to be home.” I told her, “I love spending time with you, but I need my alone time. I haven’t been able to do anything for me and it is damaging to my mental health.”

She insists that she understands and she wants me to have time to myself, but it seems to be in theory only, not in practice. “Babe, if you understood, you would behave differently. Your choice of behaviour is showing me that you absolutely don’t understand, and more than that, you do not care, and that really hurts me.”

Then LEAVE and go to a hotel or Air BnB or whatever. Don’t tell her anything other than that you are safe. “I am safe, I needed some alone time and you are not willing to give me alone time at home as I asked.”

I would also be booking a couples counsellor because this behaviour is unhinged and rude/dismissive as hell and her refusal to listen to you and your needs is ridiculous. I work a very demanding job. There are very few, if any, times during the year when I have the luxury to take a few days off to myself.

When I get home from work, between cooking dinner, doing dishes, and taking care of chores around the house, I get maybe 2 hours a day to relax. My wife gets upset if I don’t spend all of that time with her. So I don’t get to watch my shows, play my video games, or read my books.

I’ve told her many times that I need time to relax and do the things I enjoy, and she’ll agree with me, but then start giving me things to do or try to get me to do something else with her within 30 seconds of me starting. She is ALWAYS like this — and it is not sustainable. Couples’ counselling. This cannot continue.

okileggs1992 −  NGL, next time don’t tell her you are off work

Veridical_Perception −  Whatever else is going on, you need to understand that her behavior is INTENTIONAL. She understands what she’s doing and DOES NOT CARE how it’s impacting you. She is purposely not allowing you time alone. She knows what she’s doing. Who knows for what reason.

She may be needy and c**ngy. She may be jealous of your having time to do things and resent it. She may be controlling and can’t stand your not doing what she wants. It may be a powerplay to show you who is in control and in charge.

However, it doesn’t matter why she’s doing it. It’s utterly disrespectful and lacks any sense of consideration for you. Confront her. You’ve tried to be polite. You’ve tried to have a reasonable conversation. She hasn’t taken you seriously.

Of course, be ready for her to turn on the water works or start playing the victim when you confront her. It’s inevitable. She’s going to turn this around and use guilt to make you feel bad if you’re lucky or turn aggressive and n**ty if you’re not lucky.

mangolicious_1922 −  At this point go to a hotel or motel for the rest of the week. Don’t even say anything, just go.

Pippin_the_parrot −  I felt claustrophobic just reading this. Can you go to a hotel? I know that’ll cause a huge fight but you’re gonna blow- you’re only human. Might help to have a night of calm before you talk to her. And y’all have to talk about this. Everybody needs their alone time. I’ve been with my husband over 20 years and I can’t imagine us doing this to each other.

Zealousideal-Part-17 −  As an introvert that needs to recharge by myself, this would drive me nuts. Do you have money to take yourself to a hotel for the next two days? Because if you do, I would do it. Once you’re home afterwards, I would sit her down and tell her why you needed to leave the house for two days.

I get wanting to spend time together, but the fact that she is that co-dependent on you that she follows you to every room, even while working, is insane. I would ask for couples counseling because she doesn’t seem to care about what you’re saying. Good luck!

not_really_an_elf −  Mate, you do realise she’s deliberately punishing you because you refused to do the tasks she wanted, right? Go to a hotel.

Dickduck21 −  Does she hate you? It really seems like she hates you.

ProfPlumDidIt −  I would honestly tell her that her insisting on being up your ass and thinking it’s somehow cute or funny to knowingly deprive you of time you have repeatedly told her you need for your mental health has you questioning whether it’s healthy or sustainable to remain in a relationship with her.

You have CLEARLY stated your needs and she has repeatedly smiled while stomping all over them which says she knows she’s harming you and doesn’t care. I’d also tell her that, if she stays home again, you will leave and won’t be back until it’s time for you to return to work and will turn off your phone as well as not tell her where you are.

That you aren’t joking about needing a break from her and don’t think it’s cute that she is ignoring your needs. Draw a line now or she will absolutely get even worse.

HoshiJones −  Oh sweet mother of God. Your wife sounds absolutely insufferable. You keep telling her what you need. She keeps nodding and telling you she knows, but DOESN’T GIVE A S**T WHAT YOU NEED. I don’t know how you can live with someone like that.

Do you think the Redditor has been clear enough in expressing his need for personal time, or should he approach the situation differently? How would you handle a situation where your partner isn’t respecting your need for space? Share your thoughts below!