WIBTAH if I disown my parents after my mom refused to take care of me after I give birth?

A Reddit user shared her frustration and hurt after discovering that her mother, who had helped her siblings after childbirth, refused to help her during her pregnancy because of the distance. She feels consistently overlooked and unloved compared to her siblings, which has been a longstanding issue in her family.

After years of feeling unappreciated, she’s now considering cutting all ties with her parents after she moves away. Read the full story below to understand the emotional journey of a daughter who has always felt like the lesser priority.

‘ WIBTAH if I disown my parents after my mom refused to take care of me after I give birth?’

Throwaway account, and my English writing is really bad. Please bear with me. So I(28 f) am 30 weeks pregnant with my first child and am about to move to another state, and mom has this thing where she takes care of my siblings when they give birth until they recover.

She has done it for my older sister and my brother’s wife so I thought that she would do the same thing with me too but a week ago she told me that she couldn’t because it is too far away. We got into a fight about the whole thing, and I told her to get out of my house, and now we are not talking.

Before you judge me and say that my mom isn’t obligated to take care of me, I will tell you that it isn’t about mom taking care of me. It was never about that. I am that one child in the family who nobody really cares about. My parents always claim that they love and treat us all equally, but man, is it obvious that they love me a little bit less than the others.

I always thought that maybe I am adopted and that’s why they don’t care about me that much. Well, I am wrong because I am 100% theirs.

It is always about how my other siblings are doing or how mom and dad are suffering but it is never about me…it was never about me from the beginning. I am rarely celebrated even if it is supposed to be my day. My Birthdays? They rarely celebrated because mom and dad forgot, or they just threw everything in the house and called it a birthday. High-school Graduation party?

Nope, my parents have already wasted a lot of money for my big brother’s college graduation party, so they can’t do that, but “they will make sure to make it up to me.” Do you think that ever happened? I will give you a minute or two. If you guessed no, then congrats, you guessed right! Yay!. They shared the wedding expenses of my sibling’s wedding, “but since my husband came from a good family, they don’t have to share wedding expenses,” not my words.

I have always been the therapist who listens to my mom and dad’s rough day or the one who needs to help mom because my older siblings have a lot of school work to do or because my younger siblings are too young to do that kind of work. They always tell me that I am a good daughter but I am never the one who they brag about to their friends.

I did everything in my power to make them proud but my achievements will always be below my siblings’. I have tried to talk to them about how I feel multiple times before but the only thing I get is a hard scolding about how I was getting spoiled. I hated my life until I got out of that house, but I never had the courage to let go of them, thinking that they would change.

Well,l my mom just proved me wrong, mind you that my older sister lives a whole ass ocean away from u,s but mom decided that taking a 10+ hour flight to another continent TWICE was not hard at all,l but all of a sudden,n taking a 4-hour ride to my home was too much? Especially when I am in a place where I don’t know anyone except my husband.? I am so F**king tired of them putting everyone else above me.

So, I will make things right between us until I leave because I Don’t want to end things on a bad note, and when I get to my new house, I will just cut all contact between us. I don’t think that I have the energy to do all of this crap anymore and besides, I have my lovely husband with me so I will be alright and build myself a new family where I am truly appreciated and loved for who I am. Note: I am the 3rd out of 5 children. My younger siblings are twins.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

adobeacrobatreader −  NTA. Tell her you can’t keep in touch, it is too far away.

NanaLeonie −  NTA. Yes, I agree with you. Make nice with your mom while you’re visiting this time and minimize contact when you get back to your own home. It could be that your mother wants you to beg and plead (“Oh mommie, pretty please, come help me, I neeeeed you”) but my reaction is “Eff that game playing.” Put your energy on your husband and build a new support network where y’all live now.

YaddaBoomBadda −  NTA. It sounds like your parents have taken you for granted, and now they’re doing the same thing to your child? No. Stand proud of your decision. The people you allow in your child’s life should be people who value them.

seaturtle541 −  NTA. I wouldn’t bother to make things right with her, just leave the ball in her court. You didn’t do anything wrong so you aren’t the one who needs to make things right. If you have a good relationship with your mother in law ask her to come help out when the baby is born.

Congratulations on realizing things will never change with them. It will actually give you some peace (unfortunately I speak from experience). Build your own family, that’s what I did.. Congratulations on the baby!!!!

RedneckDebutante −  Wait, FOUR HOURS??? YWNBTA I was thinking you’re talking about the other side of the country or something. My God, wild horses wouldn’t keep me away, and I’m so sorry they’re ruining this for you.
I was that sibling on the outside, too. But don’t worry, your partner and child will be all the family you need!

BlueberryEqual4649 −  NTA. I know exactly how you feel about being the invisible kid. According to my parents, I was the only planned kid (1.5 year older brother;6.5 year younger sister)…well I have always been subjected to middle child syndrome (look it up).

I have always ever been good enough if they needed money (I have student debts just to keep food on the tabek and a roof over our heads). Sadly, I cannot go no contact as I need to live with them (not great when you’re 38!). I cannot afford living on my own here.

Go no (or low at first( contact with your parents as they do not care about you. Believe it from someone who has been there for 10 years longer than you. It’s terrible but once you accept it, your mental health will get better.

Just remember that you are not ever going to be available if anyone of your family (those that do not care about you) ever needs help or being taken care off. Good luck with the upcoming birth and make sure you and your husband enjoy the new chapter in your life.

LyraWhisperer −  You wouldn’t be the a-hole for wanting to protect your mental health and future family. Sometimes distance helps heal old wounds. Focus on building a supportive network where you are now. Your happiness and well-being come first, especially with your baby on the way.

HoosierBeaver −  You don’t even have to cut contact, or block her. Just “quietly quit”. Don’t initiate contact, grey rock her when she calls or texts. Don’t share photos of the baby under the guise of not wanting anyone to post photos on social media and to avoid having her bragging about what a lucky grandma she is while never having seen the baby in person.

If anyone asks why you’re “shutting mom out” just act shocked and say “What?! I’m just busy, you know, taking care of a NEWBORN with no help. She knows my number and my address. She’s free to call, but I don’t have the time or energy to listen to her complain about her life. Because, you know, I have an infant to care for.” She’ll eventually, or immediately, show just how much she really cares about having a relationship with you and your family.

greenglossygalaxy −  NTA. They’ve shown you what kind of parents they are, and also how they value you compared to your siblings. I personally wouldn’t want this kind of behaviour to work its way down to my child, and having them overlooked compared to their cousins. Save yourself the hurt and focus on yourself and your pregnancy.

MerryMoose923 −  YWNBTA. If your parents can’t be there for you in the same way they are for your siblings, why stay in contact? And if they treat you like this, it’s likely they will treat your child the same way. Your children don’t need to grow up wondering why their cousins are treated so much better, and feel like one set of grandparents doesn’t love them.