Wibtah if I decided not to go back to my fiance?

A Reddit user shared their dilemma about whether to reconcile with their fiancé after a major fallout involving his 14-year-old daughter. The daughter faked messages accusing the user of wanting to replace her with the unborn baby, which led to the fiancé kicking the user out without hearing her side.

After the truth came out, he apologized and asked to reunite, but the user feels hurt by his quick judgment and lack of trust. Read the full story below to see if you think the user would be wrong to walk away.

‘ Wibtah if I decided not to go back to my fiance?’

So I’m 35f and my fiance is 39m he has a 14 year old daughter. Me and my fiance have been together for 5 years. His late wife died when his daughter was 5, and then I met him when is daughter was 9.

His daughter never really liked me i think it maybe I came on to strong or maybe she was happier the way things were before I came i don’t know but I’ve always tried to her her friend but she would never let me in.

So about a 3 weeks ago we told her I was pregnant, she wasn’t happy which is to be expected she’s a teen. The problem is she’s gone around accusing me of telling her that this baby will replace her, and basically trying to get rid of her to make room for my kid, and I haven’t told her that at all.

His daughter and her friend had faked some messages between me and her and it basically said that I was gonna let the baby take her room and that once the babies here her dad won’t care about her anymore. She showed them to her dad and he was mad we got into an argument and kicked me out.

He sent me a long message saying that he couldn’t do this anymore and that he didn’t know i was treating his daughter like that and that we need to end things he said I have a month to move my stuff out.

A week after that his daughter friend said that the messages were lies and that they were fake and that I never said those things. He than came over to my mom’s house where i was staying, and he apologized and said that what kind of father wouldn’t defend his daughter in that case and that I have to understand why he did what he did.

He also brought back my ring as I have given back to him and he said that he wants to be a family again and that he wants to raise our child in our home and together and not apart. I told him I needed time to decide.

As of right now I don’t want to because yes I understand why you took her side I understand why you kicked me out but I don’t understand why I couldn’t even get a chance to talk or to.show my proof or to even explain my side, and got called degrading names, he just took her word and ran and that what makes me not want to get back with him anymore so wibtah?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Salt-Finding9193 −  Do not go back into that home god knows what she’ll do next. I don’t believe the baby is safe there let alone you. 

busyshrew −  I think you need to fix way more than just this one incident OP. The daughter’s behaviour and how far she was willing to go to frame you is concerning. She concocted a pretty elaborate lie, with an accomplice, to get you out of the house. And it wasn’t her, it was the friend, who had a guilty conscience and confessed. How has your fiance dealt with this?

Until the situation with the daughter is addressed, I wouldn’t go back. And Reddit jumps to suggesting therapy but I really think everyone needs it. You need to think about what kind of situation you want to bring your child into. A house full of malice and stress, and you feeling unprotected…

I can see why you don’t want to go back. So don’t. Not until you feel safe and secure and the 14 year old is in a better frame of mind to accept you and a new sibling.. NTA.. Edit clarified wording

IntroductionNo7686 −  Don’t go back until his daughter goes to therapy and actively participates as to why she did this and other things. When the therapist says it’s time for you and your ex fiance to join to come up with a plan going forward to be a family. You cannot go back until this is done.

If you go back now she will claim that you are hurting her or other false accusations that get you in legal trouble. She could CPS involved and you could lose custody of your baby. This is very serious. She has already demonstrated that she is willing to lie and make up stories. She may up the ante since she’s not getting her way.

You also need therapy to decide if you want to proceed forward with your relationship. He broke the fundamental trust required for a relationship to be successful. He handled this very immaturely and didn’t hesitate to kick you to the curb without even asking you if it was true or why you say such things. This does not bode well for the future. He’s supposed to make you feel safe and protected. He did not.

Able_Pipe_5466 −  nta. honestly you’d be ta if you went back to him after this. cause what happens when something like this happens again and he kicks you and your child out. it’s better to just co parent civilly and stay far away from the mess that is his teenage daughter.

Cute-Profession9983 −  You and baby will get no peace in your own home if you go back.

Fire_or_water_kai −  I wouldn’t go back, especially not now. You don’t need to be in an unstable environment while pregnant or with a newborn. His daughter committed to her lie HARD, and I wouldn’t be able to live with someone like that. She’s a kid, and she needs a lot of help before I’d ever stake my stability (and baby’s) and well-being on her not doing this again and addressing her issues.

I get that your fiance needed to back up his daughter, but I’m troubled that he thinks he could do what he did, say a few words, and then you should come back to him because the family needs to be together. You weren’t a family, and both of them showed you that. The very least he should’ve done was look at your phone.

For now, I’d focus on my pregnancy and what a co parenting relationship will look like while they sort themselves out. YWBTAH to yourself if you went back with the way things are now.

JJQuantum −  NTA. Keep in mind that the friend is the one who fessed up, not his daughter. If she’s willing to go to these kind of lengths once then she’ll do it again, and he will likely take her side again. That’s a recipe for disaster. Unfortunately thins means you’ll be a single mom but you can embrace your baby and go from there.

Any-Expression2246 −  Stay separated and co-parent until there is significant change in her behavior. Last thing you want to do is put your child and yourself in a potential hostile environment.

His daughter would have to show some responsibility for her actions and prove to you that she is willing to work on things out of respect for her father. If she can’t and won’t, then I wouldn’t go back if I were you.

Marchtoimpeach −  I mean.. the dude kicked you out while you’re pregnant with his kid, without giving you the respect to hear what you had to say.. and you’re considering going back to him? I pity that future child. It will have a weak mother, a nut of a father and a p**cho sibling.

Ok_Bit1981 −  His daughter HAS TO APOLOGIZE AND BE PUNISHED. The fact he is trying to glaze over her actions and his, is delusional on his side. Instead of talking to you, discussing the situation; he snapped and threw you AND YOUR BABY out of the house.

You need to see he is working to rectify the situation, he is reprimanding his daughter for her nastiness, and gains back your trust. If you choose not to go back, he has no one to blame but his daughter; he has to accept your decision based on the domino effect his daughter caused.

She also needs therapy, because this mean-girl behavior will come back and bite him in the ass. He can’t excuse her behavior to make himself comfortable; parenting is anything BUT comfortable.

You would not be the a**hole if you choose to break it off. Sounds like you might be better off. Oh! And don’t let him give you the “she’s young!” card. She’s old enough to be this wicked, she’s old enough to know better. Wicked Stepdaughter!

Should the user give her fiancé another chance for the sake of their child and relationship, or is the lack of trust and immediate judgment a red flag too significant to ignore? How would you handle a similar situation with a partner? Share your thoughts in the comments below!