WIBTAH for not inviting my SIL to my baby shower after she announced her pregnancy at my daughters funeral?
Losing a child is an unimaginable heartbreak that reshapes every aspect of life. For one woman, the tragic loss of her daughter in 2022 still casts a long shadow over her world. Amid the pain and grief, even the smallest gestures from family members can feel like fresh wounds. At her daughter’s memorial service,
Her sister-in-law (SIL) casually announced her pregnancy—a moment that not only disrupted an already fragile environment but also left a bitter taste in the new mother’s mouth. Now, as she prepares to celebrate the hope of a new life at her baby shower, she finds herself grappling with whether to extend an invitation to someone who, in her eyes, has hurt her when she was most vulnerable.
As the new baby represents both a future filled with hope and a reminder of past pain, the idea of including the SIL feels not just uncomfortable but emotionally damaging. With her husband indifferent to the issue and her heart set on protecting her emotional wellbeing, the question arises: would it be wrong to exclude her from this celebration?
‘WIBTAH for not inviting my SIL to my baby shower after she announced her pregnancy at my daughters funeral?’
Expert Opinion
Grief expert Dr. Mark S. Yarhouse explains, “Establishing boundaries is a critical part of the healing process. When someone’s actions add to your emotional burden, it is entirely appropriate to limit their presence in your life—even during family gatherings.” In situations like these, where unresolved grief meets insensitive behavior,
Excluding the individual who exacerbates that pain can serve as an essential step toward emotional recovery. Dr. Yarhouse emphasizes that while family ties are important, they should never come at the expense of one’s mental health. Maintaining such boundaries helps create a safe space for healing and moving forward.
Additionally, family therapist Dr. Lisa Firestone notes that “self-care sometimes means saying no to people who have repeatedly shown they cannot be supportive during your darkest moments.” These professional perspectives support the decision to create a guest list that honors both the loss of a beloved child and the hope for new beginnings without reopening old wounds.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and laced with empathy.
Many redditors understand the need to protect one’s mental health after such a devastating loss and feel that the SIL’s inappropriate timing warrants exclusion from the baby shower. Others, however, caution that family dynamics are complex and that complete exclusion might burn bridges. A common sentiment is: “Your healing comes first.
If her presence would only reopen your grief, it’s completely reasonable to set that boundary.” While opinions vary, the overarching view among commenters is that your emotional well-being and the sanctity of your celebration should guide your decision.
In the end, the decision to leave your SIL off the guest list is deeply personal and rooted in your right to protect your emotional healing. It’s not about punishing her, but about preserving a space where you can celebrate new life without feeling overwhelmed by past pain. With your husband indifferent to her attendance and the memory of your daughter still fresh in your heart, prioritizing your wellbeing seems both understandable and justified.
What do you think? Would you set such boundaries in the name of healing, or do you believe family should be included regardless of past missteps? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments—your perspective might help others who are struggling with similar family dilemmas.