WIBTAH for kicking my son out after he refuses to do anything or help pay rent?

In every household, tensions can run high when responsibilities aren’t met—especially when it comes to the fine line between family support and personal accountability. Picture a home where a grown son’s refusal to contribute turns a routine living arrangement into a daily struggle for his exhausted parents.

This isn’t just another family squabble; it’s a wake-up call about boundaries, responsibility, and the cost of unbalanced contributions. The story we’re diving into today comes from a parent fed up with having to subsidize an adult child who neither helps out nor contributes to rent or groceries.

In this account, the pressure is palpable as the parent recounts the strain of juggling financial hardships, caring for two neurodiverse children, and managing a household with dwindling resources. With bills piling up and sacrifices made to keep everyone fed, the situation has reached a breaking point.

The post challenges us to consider: when does support become enabling, and at what point is it time to set clear boundaries—even if it means making the tough decision to ask a family member to leave?

‘ WIBTAH for kicking my son out after he refuses to do anything or help pay rent?’

Letting go of an uncooperative family member is never an easy decision. Yet, sometimes tough choices are necessary to preserve the well-being of everyone involved. In this case, the OP’s recount of her struggle reveals not only financial strain but also the emotional toll of caring for multiple dependents. Her 19-year-old son’s refusal to pay rent or help with household chores is a microcosm of a larger issue: the difficulty of balancing compassion with accountability.

Diving into the details, the post outlines a situation where the son, after returning to live at home, agreed to pay a modest share for rent, bills, and food. However, following redundancy and a subsequent lifestyle of ordering Uber Eats, he fell behind on payments and contributed little to the upkeep of the household.

This imbalance is further magnified by the family’s already challenging circumstances, including caring for autistic children and managing a tight budget after a job loss. The strain of subsidizing an adult child’s lifestyle, while trying to maintain stability for the rest of the family, is a recipe for mounting resentment.

According to relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman, “A healthy family system requires clear boundaries and mutual accountability. When one member consistently fails to uphold their responsibilities, it can erode the overall balance and trust within the home.”

This perspective highlights that while empathy is important, setting limits is equally crucial for the well-being of the entire household. Dr. Gottman’s insights suggest that unresolved imbalances can lead to long-term dysfunction and emotional burnout.

Taking this advice into account, it becomes clear that open, respectful communication about responsibilities is key. Families in similar situations might benefit from structured conversations about expectations and consequences. Establishing a clear, fair system—perhaps through a written agreement or even periodic family meetings—can help ensure that every member understands their role. This approach not only reinforces individual accountability but also fosters a sense of collective responsibility that can prevent future conflicts.

In light of these challenges, the OP’s consideration of asking her son to leave might not be about punishment but rather about preserving the family’s overall well-being. While it is an emotionally charged decision, creating a sustainable living environment sometimes means making hard choices to ensure that everyone else’s needs are met.

It’s a reminder that compassion for one should not come at the expense of many. Ultimately, balancing empathy with firm boundaries is essential for a harmonious household, and sometimes, that means setting limits even with those we love most.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

In wrapping up this intense family dilemma, it’s evident that the struggle for fairness and accountability in the home can push even the most patient parent to a breaking point. The OP’s experience challenges us to reflect on the balance between support and responsibility. How much is too much when it comes to subsidizing a family member’s choices?

What are the limits of compassion when it starts to harm the collective well-being of the household? We invite you to share your thoughts and experiences—what would you do if faced with a similar situation?