WIBTA if told my friend I don’t want to pay for my groomsman suit?

A Redditor is uncertain about how to approach a situation with a long-time friend who has asked his groomsmen to purchase their own suits for the wedding. The suit, costing £250, is specific to the groom’s selection, and while the user understands the tradition might typically involve the groom covering this expense, he’s hesitant to question his friend.

The wedding is lavish, funded largely by the bride’s wealthy family, which adds to his confusion. Now, he’s contemplating whether it would be inappropriate to address his concerns or simply pay for the suit and move on. Read the original story below for more context on this wedding dilemma.

‘ WIBTA if told my friend I don’t want to pay for my groomsman suit?’

My long term friend is the first in our group to get married, he’s picked a suit for all groomsmen to wear. I had thought the custom was to purchase the groomsmen’s suits as they are specific and only intended for their big day.

They shared a link and asked us to buy our own suit which is £250 as selected by the groom. I haven’t questioned them yet but worry WIBTA in this situation. For some context this person is having quite a lavish wedding which is mostly covered by their wealthy other half’s family.

They have no financial hardship and neither do I. We have paid for all rooms travel etc as we would expect but I don’t know whether to bring it up. In the future I would like to pay for my groomsmen’s suits and ask him also but would feel confused if I should just not pay for his, anyones or pretend it never happened and but his anyway.

My assumption was that if you ask someone to buy specific clothing for your day it was the done thing to pay. In short, WIBTA if I questioned this decision or should I just pay and move on.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Sad_Cryptographer689 −  I’ve paid for the purchase (or rental) of the suit for every wedding I’ve been in (Canada).

vt2022cam −  Esh- women almost always have to buy their bridesmaids dresses, wear them once and that’s it. Usually, men rent tuxedos or suits to match (in the US, but also things like robes in East Asian ceremonies).. It is still around $150/£120+ to rent a suit, but it is easier to adjust it to fit and you can return and be done with it.

It’s a little odd to buy for men, but hopefully it’s a suit you could wear again for other occasions. Women can almost never wear them again except for Halloween costumes or donation for prom dresses.

Moose7351 −  Not sure about the custom in the UK, But here in the US I’ve had to rent a tuxedo or suit for every wedding I’ve stood in. Bridesmaids are also usually responsible for buying their dresses, but at least with a suit you’ll be able to wear it for more than just that one occasion.

raisedonadiet −  Nta I’m from the UK btw. If someone wants you to wear a specific new thing for their wedding they can pay for it. I have been a groomsman, best man, a chief bridesmaid, all the ones that wanted me to wear a specific get up, paid for it.

Swingit_Nottingham −  Given you’re saying ££ then you’re in the UK it is normal for the groom to pay for what they want the groomsmen to wear. We paid for all the suits and bridesmaids dresses. So NTA if you brought it up, it’s how it’s usually done here. But it’s up to you.

CatJarmansPants −  It might be helpful if those who reply make clear whether they are in the UK or not, given that that’s where the OP is.
Married twice in the UK: once in Scotland, once in England.

The custom here is that the wedding party pay for dresses, hair and all that rubbish. For the blokes theres a bit of nuance: if I say wear *a* suit, then the wedding party don’t pay, because we’d expect adult men to have a suit anyway, but the WP don’t get to specify the colour or style.

But, if they want the blokes to be wearing morning dress, or a tux, or a particular colour/style of suit, then they pay.. In short, if you say, you pay.. NTA.

MrMooTheHeelinCoo −  I’m in the UK. Every wedding I’ve been in as part of the wedding party, the suits were all paid for by the couple. I would not buy a £250 suit I didn’t want and wouldn’t wear again. Push back on it.

Efficient_Poetry_187 −  NTA. I think many of the people in the comments missed the part where it said OP IS FROM THE UK. The rule of thumb in the UK & Ireland is “Your wedding, your expense.” If the couples getting married want expensive suits/dresses for the bridal party then *they’re* paying for them. 

If a someone in the bridal party wants to contribute something then that’s up to them, but it’s not the norm and certainly not expected.
I’m from Ireland but have been part of weddings in both the UK & Ireland, and have *never* been asked to pay for a bridesmaid dress. Also, the wedding couple usually cover hair, makeup and then the bridesmaids get their own shoes.

Brides normally gift the bridesmaids their wedding jewellery as a token of thanks for helping them with arrangements in the run up to the wedding. I know groomsmen will often receive personalised cuff links. 

forgeris −  You can question if you want, just don’t create drama. But if you are well set financially and 250 pounds don’t affect you much then just get the suit and forget about it. At your wedding you can ask your groomsmen to do whatever you want, but this is your friends wedding.

Having-hope3594 −  NTA. I understanding is that in the UK the bride and groom pay for wedding parties clothes.
There is a chance he does not know the tradition. So if you approach it like that, it’s worth a try.