WIBTA if I withdrew my daughter from sports against my wife’s wishes ?
A father is considering withdrawing his 15-year-old daughter from competitive gymnastics against his wife’s wishes. The daughter is experiencing physical pain from the demanding schedule and wishes to focus on school and social activities instead.
The mother is concerned about her daughter’s commitment to the team and fears she will become lazy. The father understands both perspectives but feels the need to prioritize his daughter’s well-being. read the original story below…
‘ WIBTA if I withdrew my daughter from sports against my wife’s wishes ?’
My daughter (15f)is a competitive gymnast. Her team travels all over the country to compete. She is a sophomore in High school and wants to stop competing because her body hurts, she is at the gym 14 hours a week, she lacks the drive and passion for the sport and she wants to do more high school things and concentrate on her studies.
She is a honor roll student and takes AP classes in sophomore year. My wife (43f) is against it because my daughter’s season just started and she made a commitment to the team and she should see it through. We also spent $1,800 this summer on camps and sessions to help her get better .
She thinks my daughter will be become lazy and want to hang out with friends and her chores and school work will suffer. I (43m)understand my wife’s point about the commitment to the team and the money.
I also understand my daughters point about being sore as I used to be weightlifter and wanting to be more active in high school. I am trying to find middle ground but I don’t think it exists. My gut is to protect my daughter and withdraw her but I know it will put me in the dog house big time. I feel stuck between a rock and hard place.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
Comfortable-Sea-2454 − NTA My daughter (15f)is a competitive gymnast. Her team travels all over the country to compete. She is a sophomore in High school and wants to stop competing because her body hurts,
she is at the gym 14 hours a week, she lacks the drive and passion for the sport and she wants to do more high school things and concentrate on her studies. She is a honor roll student and takes AP classes in sophomore year.
Your daughter no longer has a passion for gymnastics and wants to prepare for her future through education. My wife (43f) is against it because my daughter’s season just started and she made a commitment to the team and she should see it through.
We also spent $1,800 this summer on camps and sessions to help her get better . She thinks my daughter will be become lazy and want to hang out with friends and her chores and school work will suffer. Your wife’s forcing your daughter to stay in gymnastics is going to hurt their relationship.
Is there any reason why your wife believes your daughter will start slacking on chores and school work? My gut is to protect my daughter and withdraw her but I know it will put me in the dog house big time. I feel stuck between a rock and hard place.
Trust your gut – your wife probably has good intentions, but your daughter’s wishes need to come into play. 15 is old enough to have input on what sports/activities she does. Sorry about what will probably be an extended stay in the dog house. EDIT – thanks for the awards kind strangers.
Lisbei − NTA Also, listen to your daughter. Her reasons for wanting to stop the sport are valid. Forget about the money, that’s gone. And about her behaviour, I’m kind of shocked that your wife doesn’t believe in her own daughter – really, an honor roll AP student isn’t going to change overnight.
It sounds like your wife is one of those dance moms, only for gymnastics. Just reread – logically, at the start of the season is the second best time to pull out of the team ( the best time would be at the end of the previous one). Also, your wife says daughter made a commitment to the team? So she cares more about the team than her own daughter? Wow.
Wishyouamerry − NTA. The $1800 is gone, no matter what. It’s not coming back. So you can be out $1800 and have a miserable, resentful child or you can be out $1800 and have a happy, balanced child. As for the commitment to the team, it happens.
Yes, it’s important to honor your obligations but it’s also important to learn that you don’t have to sacrifice yourself for others. If your daughter is no longer on this team, are we talking about girls that won’t be able to make it to the Olympics because of it? Most likely not.
No one is irreplaceable, and someone will take her place. Maybe consider giving her a thinking-about-it period. Tell her to remain on the team for X amount of time, and then if she’s firm in her desire to want to quit she can.
notdancingQueen − NTA. Her body hurts. At 16. Let me repeat, louder, for your wife: your child’s, 16 year old body is *hurting*. Do you, as a parent, willingly accept your child’s hurts when they’re due to something not needed nor wanted?
That’s reason enough to justify retiring, I’m sorry. I know it comes hand in hand with competitive sports, but it’s her body and her peace of mind. Both need to last for at least 60 more years . Let her be a normal teenager for once in her life.
Efficient_Poetry_187 − I get where you’re both coming from, but you have to put your kid first. You’re her advocate. I would also sit down and have a longer conversation with your daughter about her feelings towards gymnastics.
It’s very possible that she has been feeling this way for a while but was afraid to say anything, or didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Her mental and physical health should come before any else. Also from a safety perspective, if her heart isn’t in it then your daughter is at a greater risk of being distracted and getting hurt.
mochimmy3 − I was like your daughter back in middle school. I wanted to quit gymnastics to focus on school and have more free time, my body was in pain with severe tendinitis, I lacked the drive etc. My mom don’t want me to quit but eventually she let me and I’ve never really regretted it.
After quitting I did other sports like cheerleading and diving. Edited to add: NTA. Your daughter should be able to make this decision herself and she is old enough to know what she wants.
She is also getting to the age where most people I know ended up quitting gymnastics anyways, if you don’t desire to pursue it in college then it’s a lot harder to continue with the sport after 18
PoppysWorkshop − NTA – If her body hurts it is trying to warn her something is wrong. Your wife is the AH, as it seems only to do with money. If your daughter continues, and injures herself, or worse permanently has health issues because of not stopping it will cost a LOT more money and pain.
If being lazy is a concern, then a talk about what she will do instead is in order. My eldest daughter did ballet from age 3 to 16. Just before her 17th she said, she was tired, her joints hurt, her feet were jacked from pointe, and she knew she would never be a prima ballerina,
and it was not worth destroying her body. Okay, then focus on school. She did, and now as a married woman, she is currently going for her PhD, and is happy and healthy.
_s1m0n_s3z − NTA. No, you do not crucify your daughter because ‘commitment’. High level gymnastics is torture if you’re not into it; and likely often also when you are. It’s painful and can lead to life-long injury. She should be out as soon as she says she wants out.. \~\~
As for the team, if your daughter drops out, it is likely that some other girl who wants it more will get her chance to compete. It’s s**fish for someone who doesn’t want to be there and isn’t going on with the sport to take up a place that a more eager athlete could use instead.
Hawk833 − NTA If she leaves the program wouldn’t she have more time to put towards school work AND normal high school activities/social life?
She is already on the Honor Roll while doing this intense program. Did your daughter, not want to rejoin and she was forced or pressured into it?
[Reddit User] − NTA – your daughter’s health and happiness should come first, and if she’s in pain and wants to focus on school, that’s important. While your wife has valid concerns about commitment and money, supporting your daughter’s choice is the right thing to do
Is he wrong to prioritize his daughter’s health and happiness over her commitment to the sport? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!
