WIBTA if I wear a dress to a baby shower that I wore to a family member’s funeral?

A 26-year-old woman wonders if she would be wrong to wear the same black dress to her cousin’s baby shower that she wore to the funeral of the cousin’s mother a month ago. Although it’s the only formal dress she owns that fits and is appropriate, she fears it could unintentionally send a hurtful message.

However, given the circumstances—such as the cousin likely not noticing her outfit during the funeral—she’s uncertain whether it would be inappropriate. read the original story below…

‘ WIBTA if I wear a dress to a baby shower that I wore to a family member’s funeral?’

I (26F) lost my aunt a month ago after a short but brutal illness. It’s been a devastating time for our family- my aunt was a formidable, gutsy woman, and it still doesn’t entirely feel real that she’s gone. These past few weeks have been about looking after ourselves and my cousins and uncle (her children and husband) as they go through this period of turmoil.

One of her children, my cousin Michelle (30sF), is pregnant with her first child- she’s the one I feel most sorry for during this time, as she is about five weeks away from giving birth and now her mother will not be there to watch her start this new journey.

She’s tough, but she was very close to her mom, and after having a sudden miscarriage of what was supposed to be her first baby last March, she’s had one of the worst years of her life.

Still, she wants to celebrate her daughter coming into the world and so her sister and my other aunts have planned a baby shower. It’s tomorrow, and I am currently baking some treats for it. Thing is, I’ve put on a lot of weight due to the years of pandemic and I’ve been slow to lose it.

I’m a little ashamed of my body and the fact that I don’t have many formal clothes to wear right now— money is tight and I have been trying to lose some pounds.

For my aunt’s funeral, I bought a simple black dress to wear since nothing else I had that fit would have been modest enough for the Catholic Church (thanks, Jesus!) It’s cute and can easily double as a summer dress so I have been planning to wear it elsewhere at some point.

A month later, it is still the only formal outfit I have that would be appropriate for an event like this, but I am so worried about going to my cousin’s baby shower in the dress I wore to her mother’s funeral.

I know it’s just a dress and truth be told, I was wearing something over it during the services and did not spend much time with Michelle, so I actually doubt if she noticed what I was wearing back then. But would I be sending a bad message if I did wear it? WIBTA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Peony-Pony −  I understand, however I would not wear the same dress I wore to your aunt’s funeral to her daughter’s shower. I know money’s tight maybe look at Walmart or a charity shop to see if you can get something else or wear something else. I don’t think you’re an a**hole but I wouldn’t do it.

Front_Amoeba_2368 −  NTA. But don’t do it. Like honestly don’t wear the funeral dress to the daughter of the deceased’s baby shower. Like if she figures it out everything could go south real quick and you’ll forever be that cousin. Also imagine the stress on the day, just low key.

The fact your posting this, deep down, you know it’s not worth it. Like can you do a shirt/blouse and jeans??? If you have a little neck scarf, that with a plain, ironed t-shirt. Just wear the shoes you would’ve with the dress, graphic eyeliner, it’ll look chic. There are many ways to smarten up a pair of jeans. 

GothPenguin −  If you do it YTA. I get the weight thing and money being tight but do not wear a dress you wore to her mom’s funeral.

DeadGodJess −  In general a funeral outfit at a baby shower has iffy optics but wearing a dress YOU JUST wore to a funeral to the baby shower of the daughter of the aunt who’s funeral it was? Go get a cheap, cute, dress. Call a relative and see if they can float you $40, do whatever you have to.

I get not feeling good in your body (I’ve got severe dysphoria), and I truly feel for you, but this baby shower is not about you. Your cousin lost a pregnancy, lost her mom a year later, and now is at her most vulnerable and most in need of support on ***Her Day***.. YWBTA if you wore that dress.

Right_Count −  NAH I couldn’t tell you what a single person wore to my dad’s funeral. I don’t even remember what I wore. Just accessorize it appropriately for a baby shower so it looks different at a glance.

If you feel you can’t really make it look different enough, then I probably would wear a different outfit even if it’s more casual or from a thrift store.

Longjumping-Cat-712 −  Ywbta. Why risk it? Shes already lost her mother.

Dittoheadforever −  YWBTA. If it were a baby shower for a coworker, that would be completely different. But not for the woman who lost her mother.
Side question- where on earth is this baby shower being held that it requires formal wear? The Ritz?

I must move in different circles, because I have never been to a baby shower where people dressed in formal wear. But if you have to dress up, as others said- thrift shop or Walmart. 

kimariesingsMD −  You do not need to wear a “formal” dress to a baby shower. Nice casual clothing would be fine.. YWBTA

jacobzink2000 −  Nta, but please accessorise, a cute pink shawl, a coloured belt, white shoes, do everything you can to make it not funerally… If you can sew just a little you can raise the hemline or pin it up so it’s shorter.

Junebabe08 −  NAH. I doubt she even noticed what you were wearing. Style it differently and you’re golden. Add a tee over it, or a sweater.

What’s your take—should she wear the dress or opt for something else? Share your thoughts below!