WIBTA if I visit my nephew against my brother’s wishes?

A person has built a relationship with their nephew, whose father (their brother) abandoned him and his mother after a divorce a decade ago. Despite minimal involvement, the brother video calls his son every few weeks but has refused to visit, using weak excuses.

The nephew has been longing for a visit, and the storyteller plans to see him and his mother on an upcoming trip. When the brother found out, he got upset and demanded they not visit his son. With a strained sibling relationship and a desire to bring joy to their nephew, they wonder if going against their brother’s wishes makes them wrong. read the original story below…

‘ WIBTA if I visit my nephew against my brother’s wishes?’

My brother got divorced 10 years ago and practically abandoned his kid and ex-wife (he cheated on his ex and now lives with his new gf). His ex wife and nephew live overseas. My brother has never visited his son in the past 10 years, but he does video chats and plays games with him once every 2-3 weeks.

4 years ago, my brother’s ex contacted me asking if I’d be willing to talk to my nephew. And of course I said yes, and now I have a good relationship with both my nephew and his mom. Before she contacted me, I didn’t even have a way to be in touch with them, because my brother didn’t tell me anything (even when I asked).

After talking to his ex-wife, I found out that my nephew had been begging my brother to come visit him for many years, but he always said he couldn’t (due to work and other excuses). I know he can easily go visit him (he makes a lot of money and his job gives him a lot of leave).

I’m traveling soon and I’ll be visiting my nephew and his mom. My nephew is really excited, he’s always asked me when I’ll visit him. I mentioned this to my brother (because I thought my nephew already told my brother), but my brother got upset and he told me not to see his son.

To add some more info, my relationship with my brother isn’t that good to begin with. WIBA if I ignore him and visit my nephew anyway?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

East_Parking8340 −  No, you wouldn’t. He, in all probability, desperately needs contact from his paternal side and it will help him immensely.
i wonder why your brother doesn’t want you to see his son? Is he anxious that you’ll let the mother know that he’s not on minimum wage and needs to pay proper child support?. NTA

0biterdicta −  NTA Just because your brother has decided to be a massive a**hole to his son doesn’t mean everyone else has to be.

Feeling_Mission421 −  NTA Your nephew needs a role model especially family related in his life. If you’re brother made that mistake to forgo his kid, then you don’t have to make the same mistake he his. I would 100% go and visit him and fill in that role your brother is missing out on within his life

mosstalgia −  My brother got divorced 10 years ago and practically abandoned his kid … My brother has never visited his son in the past 10 years … I know he can easily go visit him … my relationship with my brother isn’t that good to begin with.

NTA. This man is not acted as father, therefore he has no business claiming fatherly input into who the child does and doesn’t see. He has not acted as a brother, therefore he has no business claiming brotherly input into who *you* do and don’t see. Go spend time with the kid. Have fun. I wish you both the best.

No_Equivalent_3151 −  NTA – Your brother has decided to disconnect himself from your nephew. As such, he has no right to determine the nature of your interactions. How and when you guys get to meet each other is between your Nephew, his mother, and you only.

Dismal-Wallaby-9694 −  NTA but I wouldn’t have assumed your brother knew given that he’s not even doing the bare minimum for his kid.

Secret_Sister_Sarah −  Wow. You are definitely NTA here. Your brother is a dead beat dad, and is selfishly telling you not to visit his kid, which would only hurt the poor kid even more.

His mom invited you, and she has custody, so really, the only parent whose permission matters here is hers. Please don’t disappoint the little boy; I’m sure he’s super excited to see you.

Ailyana −  NTA-go see you nephew. Considering how your brother is acting he has no say!

bellingtonlicket −  NTA.  Your brother has had 10 years to build a relationship with his son and has chosen not to. His insistence that you stay away seems more about his own guilt or control rather than what’s best for your nephew.

You’ve developed a meaningful relationship with your nephew, and visiting him shows you care about him, which is something your brother has failed to do consistently. Your nephew is excited to see you, and it seems your relationship with him brings him joy.

Denying that connection because of your brother’s poor decisions would hurt your nephew more than protect anyone’s pride. While it’s understandable to want to avoid unnecessary family drama, your nephew’s happiness and emotional well-being are valid priorities.

anglflw −  NTA Your brother really gets no say in this anymore.

Is it right to prioritize a connection with your nephew over a sibling’s unreasonable demands, especially when they’ve neglected their parental role? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!