WIBTA if I told my wife that her brother, wife and baby cannot visit us for 2 weeks?

A Reddit user is grappling with a dilemma about hosting his wife’s brother, sister-in-law, and their toddler for two weeks at their home on a seasonal tourist island. Given his demanding work schedule during the peak tourist season, he prefers to limit guests to one week, a rule he has established for himself after past experiences.

While he understands his wife’s desire for family time, he worries that accommodating them for an extended visit will lead to burnout. Now, he’s questioning whether enforcing this boundary makes him an inconsiderate partner. To explore this situation further, read the original story below.

‘ WIBTA if I told my wife that her brother, wife and baby cannot visit us for 2 weeks?’

My wife and I live on a seasonal tourist island in the Mediterranean in a beautiful but small Spanish stone finca on a large orchard. My wife does not work and I have a seasonal business. From March to October I work insane hours. Average 12 hours a day, usually in split shifts with a siesta in the afternoon, where usually I come home, eat, have a power nap, then back to work.

This month I will do even more hours than usual as August is peak tourist season. On the upside, in the winter I don’t need to work because I make all my money in the season, and my wife doesn’t need to work at all. Due to my unusual schedule, and after my own family came to visit for 2 long weeks four years ago, I decided that having guests in our house for more than a week is just too much during the season (in winter I’m fine with it).

My work load, plus having people staying that are on vacation is just too much for me. I need my downtime or I burn out. A week I enjoy, but any more and I start just getting frustrated and need my personal space back. My wife has some friends coming to stay first week of September for 4 nights and I’m really looking forward to it.

I know these girls, and they are great fun, our kind of people. No problem. The other night, my wife said that her brother, his wife and their toddler will come and stay the last 2 weeks of September and I was a bit confused, as we had discussed our maximum one week strategy many times before. I said that I’d love to have them for a week and reminded my wife that we already have guests a week before that.

My wife starts to get upset with me and says 10 days. I remind her that they also have an 18 month old, our house is far from child friendly (we are child free) and that it will be just too much for me right at the end of the season. She thinks I’m being an AH because her brother needs a summer beach vacation and we haven’t spent a lot of time with them since the baby was born, which is all true.

I do really like BIL and his family, but also, they do not really speak much English and I don’t speak their language, so it takes even more energy to deal with that from my side. So reddit, WIBTA for enforcing the one week stay rule, or should I cave and keep the peace to my own detriment? My wife is pretty upset with me about it.. Bring on the judgement. Edit: so many great perspectives, sorry if I don’t answer right now. I’m at work hahahaha

See what others had to share with OP:

lucille_bender −  YWNBTA. It’s unfair of your wife to back out of your very reasonable agreement – she wants to prioritize her brother & his family over your needs and your previous agreement.
Could you suggest that her brother still come, but not stay at your house? Or only stay at your house for a few days? Of course this would be more expensive for him, but would allow him to vacation and for her to spend time with him and his family while still respecting your agreement and needs.

extinct_diplodocus −  YWNBTA. Tell your wife 2 weeks is fine as long as they start their stay **after** the crazy tourist season.

floppyearedflamingo −  WNBTA, the week rule was already established prior to this situation. She needs to respect that and your busy work schedule. Hosting is exhausting!

adamnevespa −  NTA, he does not NEED a summer beach vacation

Comprehensive-Tie395 −  NTA. You made a very reasonable agreement that your wife should be abiding by. It’d be a little different if there was a true emergency and they needed help but a vacation is not enough justification to put your physical and mental health at risk. Depending on what your business is, could be a liability to not be fully alert and functional from lack of sleep/burning out

paul_rudds_drag_race −  NTA she shouldn’t have just announced what would be happening. You both had an agreement. I know what it’s like to be drained from working ridiculous hours. Perhaps since she doesn’t work, she doesn’t understand that. I think a week is plenty. She thinks I’m being an AH because her brother needs a summer beach vacation That’s not a need, it’s a want. Hopefully she’ll come around. Two weeks with a baby is a lot, even if it wasn’t in the middle of your busy time.

CPSue −  YWNBTA, and you might reconsider allowing any guests during the high season. It sounds as if you have plenty of times during the year in which you could host people. You’re too busy right now.

Independent-Speed694 −  NTA In my community we have a saying that goes like this…”Houseguests are like fish, they stink after 3 days”. I wouldn’t want them for more than a week either.

[Reddit User] −  NTA I have lived in a tourist destination and I agree that two weeks is too long, this boundary has been in place, and that’s a lot of guests in a row. Her brother may think you’re an a**hole though, depending on whether they’ve already booked flights, etc. But really, that’s on your wife for making you the a**hole and not expressing the boundary to her brother.

The other thing is, 10 days is neither 1 week or 2 weeks, but it IS closer to one week. If you allow it this time, that’s up to you, but I’d make it known there will be no exceptions going forward where she can set you up to be the a**hole.

Smart-Net-5670 −  NTA. Let me say I’ve been in a very similar situation. A little over 10 years ago I bought a home in a big tourist area. Suddenly everyone I knew (including barely knew) felt they had exclusive rights to use my home as their vacation pad. I can’t tell you how many times people called to say they were coming for a visit (telling me, not asking) and had a list a mile long of all the tourist stuff and site-seeing I was expected to do for them.

For the first year or two I bent over backwards to accommodate these people, to my own detriment. Eventually, my spouse and I got sick of it and put in much more restrictive rules (such as whether or not we were even available to host, what times of year people could visit, how long they could stay, etc.).

This cut down on the freeloaders immensely and my spouse and I got our lives back. Overall, the point is nobody (including brother in law) is OWED a vacation. It is not your responsibility to provide them a vacation. Stick to your very reasonable guidelines (f they want to visit, they need to either make it a short visit or come outside of tourist season. Don’t let yourself be bullied. Your spouse should support you and have your back, especially since they aren’t even working.

Do you think the user would be in the wrong for insisting on the one-week stay rule, or should he prioritize his wife’s desire for family time, even at the risk of his own well-being? How would you handle a situation where personal boundaries clash with family expectations? Share your thoughts below!