WIBTA if I told my manager to put me on the schedule for Christmas so I don’t have to go on the Christmas trip this year because of my pregnant cousin?

A Redditor (20F) is contemplating whether they would be an asshole for asking their manager to schedule them for Christmas shifts, skipping a family trip centered around their pregnant cousin. The cousin, who the Redditor has a strained relationship with, recently announced her pregnancy in a way that felt insensitive, and the trip will mainly focus on setting up the nursery and celebrating the cousin’s pregnancy.

The Redditor feels that being around their cousin will be emotionally difficult due to the past events, and they fear the cousin may rub the situation in their face. However, they worry that skipping the trip might make them seem heartless. Read the full story below to learn more about this emotional dilemma.

‘ WIBTA if I told my manager to put me on the schedule for Christmas so I don’t have to go on the Christmas trip this year because of my pregnant cousin?’

I(20f) am wondering if I would be the a**hole for having my manager schedule me for Christmas instead of going on the family trip because it will mostly be about my cousins pregnancy. Every year my family celebrates together or goes on a big trip this year they want to go up to another state to be with my cousin who is pregnant and unable to travel.

(Context: Me and my cousin have never gotten a long to me being adopted and her always wanting the spotlight. This past year I had had a child under circumstances that I won’t go into and had to put my child up for adoption. In june my cousin announced at a family event that she was pregnant since I arrived late she told me separately and laughed and smirked at mewhile telling me.)

I know this trip will be mainly about setting up her nursery and hanging out with her and doting on her because she is having the first child in the family that they get to “keep”. I feel like I would be an a**hole to skip out purely because of the reason she’s pregnant but at the same time I know it’ll upset me a lot to go and she will rub it in my face. Would I be the a**hole?

Edit: I’m gonna go ahead and put an update already after reading y’all’s responses. I work later today so during that time I’m gonna ask my GM to put me on the Christmas shifts and just tell my family my manager asked me to work to give a coworker the ability to go see family they haven’t been able to see in ages. I appreciate y’all’s comments and advice so much. This situation has had me emotionally frazzled for a bit so I appreciate outside thoughts and words ♥️

Edit 2: Manager has agreed and promised to put me on the Christmas shift. I do get time and a half and I’ve been told by coworkers that people tip pretty well. So that money will go towards a vacation to see my partner ♥️♥️

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Mock26 −  NTA. Family does not always come first. You need to come first. If you would be miserable on this trip then for your sake do not go. Also, if you are miserable then there is a chance you would make others miserable, so you would also be doing it for them (just do not tell your family you requested to work!). And on top of everything else, at least one of your coworkers will greatly appreciate you working the holiday so they can be with their family.

ProfMG −  NTA but before you volunteer see if you can get them to throw in some added incentive like extra pay, extra time off later, gift cards or something. You’d be doing them a favor so see if you can get more AND this would give you an even better excuse to your family as you could say look like offered to pay be way more than normal and I can’t afford to turn that down right now.

DontAskMeChit −  NTA. You and your cousin don’t get along so no need to waste time and money going. You can still take the day off and just spend time alone in peace or with other people that you prefer.

_s1m0n_s3z −  Very sound lateral problem-solving. Go for it. NTA.

SoursThrowaway −  NTA – If she truly rubbed it in your face in any way, she does not deserve your help. That’s awful of her to be so petty about something so sensitive, and I feel terrible just thinking that her behavior is going to rub off on her child. So no, you’re not the a**hole. It’s a trip where you’re supposed to enjoy yourself but instead would spend it praising and catering to someone who was vile towards you and would not even be grateful for your help.

Grump_NP −  NTA. I regularly do this to avoid family drama and have only recently stopped due to us no longer having extended family get togethera

merlocke3 −  A holiday is exactly that. Time off and relax.
If your cousin is going to be a pain in the ass. Schedule yourself for work. Skip the family drama, and now you have a week or two later on (sans cousin) to actually enjoy your time off… AND you look like a hero at work.. 3 for 1

EwwDavvidd −  NTA. You should not be forced to attend family events you don’t want to, and your cousin sounds t**ic. If getting on the work schedule makes it easier to bail, then that’s a good plan. And it’s not like you are lying to get out of going. But even if you were, you’d still WNBTA in this circumstance.

Colton-Landsington86 −  Nta. When I had a job that worked over Xmas I always volunteered to do it. I hate Xmas. Family just go nuts and get really angry, irritating and get supper stressed for no reason.

I absolutely even now will avoid the drama. It’s your life, make time to do a special dinner with your close family around the holidays but otherwise avoid it. And absolute don’t let them make you feel guilty.

fancyjoyo −  honestly sounds like you gotta do what’s best for you. if that means working instead of dealing with family drama then go for it. your mental health matters too.