WIBTA if I told a close family friend that her husband cheated on her 4 years ago?

A Redditor shared a moral dilemma involving their brother, who confessed to cheating on his wife four years ago. The Redditor wrestles with whether to tell the wife, who is also a close family friend, or keep the secret to avoid devastating their brother’s family. Read the full story below and weigh in on this complex situation.

‘ WIBTA if I told a close family friend that her husband cheated on her 4 years ago?’

So my situation is a little difficult so I thought I would confide in the good professional people of reddit. Couple days ago me and my brother we’re hanging out late night doing regular guy things drinking, watching sports, etc. We haven’t seen each other in maybe 5-6 years so naturally we started talking about life and what’s been going on the past few years.

Towards the end of our conversation we started to get to the “secrets” I mentioned something along the lines that I smoked weed for the first time and did various other substances (This was hard for me to tell because my whole life I was pretty much anti-drugs and such.)

We both laughed about it saying “Just don’t let mom find out” The joke died out after a little bit and then he just blurted out “I cheated on my wife…” At first it didn’t register until I saw his face and he was dead serious. I for one hate cheaters, but I try to do my best not to judge anyone for their actions.

He begins explaining this was something that happened about 4 years ago when his wife was always busy with work. She would travel a lot and be away for weeks at a time. He told me they were going through a tough time back then lots of arguing, not communicating, and that he felt really lonely.

During this same time my brother met a girl at his local gym, started off as friends, slowly kept bonding and you guessed they did the s**. He told me this occasion only happened once and pretty much cut her off after that night because he started to feel guilty for a short while.

Few months later his relationship turned for the better for him and his wife. Pretty much after his wife’s travels slowed down his whole relationship has been great. They’ve both gotten promotions, bought a house, more family vacations. (They have a kid) He told me life has been good to him now and he’s just thankful things have finally worked out.

As stated before I hate cheaters and I’ve always felt that the person being cheated on always has the right know. I know for sure this would probably destroy their marriage and there would be a fight for the kid.

My heart tells me I have to tell her because it’s the right thing to do, especially because I’ve known my brother to cheat one other time on an ex-girlfriend couple years before his current wife. My brain tells me it’s none of my business and I should keep my mouth shut.

I don’t want to see their kid go throughout that kind pain either. On one hand I betray my brother if I say something on the other hand I betray our close family friend because I know this secret and I don’t say anything. I wish he never told me, ignorance is truly bliss. So there it is, WIBTA if I said something?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

TessaGray16 −  Upvoted for real conflict. YTA if you tell her now. I am usually on the side of “the cheated partner absolutely deserves to know”. But here it seems to be a thing in the past, your brother has genuinely regretted it and improved his marriage. So it’s better if you don’t stir the pot now.

nowaternoflower −  YTA – If you did this you would be doing it solely for your own sense of self-righteousness. Follow your brain. He told you in confidence, he knows it was a mistake, and he is your brother.

You may think she has a right to know, but she might not want to know – you just don’t know and sometimes ignorance really is bliss. Don’t turn her life upside down for your own purposes.

kelsnuggets −  YTA – no no no – drop this and back as far away as possible – they have a kid now, you’d risk destroying their marriage for their child for something that happened 4 years ago and is clearly over. No. Do not do this. Edit: thank you for the gold! I’m sincere when I say that I would really think twice about messing up a child’s life, thank you to whoever agreed with me!

gettaroundit −  ESH- not your place to say in this situation. Urge him to come clean but as it happened four years ago sticking your nose in would be detrimental. Families are complicated and it seems like you have a good relationship, try to keep it that way

monkeysmum −  ESH – your brother is an arsehole for cheating but it is none of your business. I might have a different view if he had an ongoing and current affair.

OneTwoWee000 −  WTF is up with this title? Your brother’s wife *is family*. Not a close family friend. She’s your sister-in-law. I know for sure this would probably destroy their marriage and there would be a fight for the kid.. Their kid. Your niece and nephew. There’s a lot of distancing in your language, but the conflict you feel is palpable.

Go back to your brother and tell him you don’t feel comfortable keeping his secret. Urge him to tell his wife. That said, the truth is some people may not want to know and if it comes out you pushed for him to tell her the blowback may be your sister-in-law blames you for ruining the facade.. INFO

Do you know her feelings on cheating? Would she prefer “ignorance is bliss” over “I’d definitely want to know”?

potatoeggs45 −  Would be YTA. stay the hell out of this, no good can come from it.

lost_not_found88 −  Ywbta – not your marriage, not your business. You have no right to potentially destroy a marriage, regardless of how you feel. Plus… Its your Brother. You don’t do that to family. Edit: Thankyou for the platinum kind sir/madam.

green_velvet_goodies −  It’s amazing the difference in tone around here when a man cheats vs a woman. Reddit you never fail.

kamizuku −  This is why this sub exists Let’s break this down a bit on one hand you have. Not telling his wife which might end with a happy marriage and no divorce or he might just do it again because he knows he got away with it once but the way you said it makes it look like he was super guilty about it which I think is not very likely to happen again..

On the other hand. You tell his wife they get divorced you ruined your brothers marriage(on the surface) and your relationship with him and possibly the kids childhood and future but his wife would escape a cheating l**r. In my opinion YTA because it’s been 4 years it’s mostly in the past and your brother trusts you a lot.

What you should do is encourage him to tell her the truth and sprint away from this problem