WIBTA If I sued my boyfriend’s elderly mother and pressed charges against her?

A woman (26F) has been with her boyfriend for 11 years, but his mother has hated her from the start, primarily due to her ethnicity and career as a model. Over the years, the mother has escalated her behavior, including making racist remarks, committing insurance fraud in the woman’s name, and sending police to their home with false abuse allegations.

Now, the woman is considering pressing charges and suing the elderly mother for harassment and damages. However, she worries it may be too harsh given the mother’s age. Is she justified, or would she be going too far? Read the full story below.

‘ WIBTA If I sued my boyfriend’s elderly mother and pressed charges against her?’

Okay, I know how this sounds. Please hear me out at least. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 11 years, since I was 15. His mother has HATED me since the first day she met me. She hated me due to my ethnicity, (Kosovan Albanian) she hated me due to my career, I work as a model and she decided that makes me an empty headed, vain, shallow person.

Then when I told her I still planned to go to university alongside my career she said I was doing it to “impress” my boyfriend. I’ve since left uni with a distinction and her new reason to hate me is… I try too hard? She has also insisted I’ve cheated on him throughout our entire relationship which is a ridiculous claim, I’ve never even kissed another man in my whole LIFE. I have zero desire to cheat and never will.

Late last year she attempted to void the insurance on my boyfriend’s motorbikes, she tried to do this under my name so, hypothetically, when he was arrested for riding with no insurance and called his insurance company, I’d get the blame. After this happened my boyfriend and I agreed to cut her out, however it hasn’t stuck, she left my boyfriend alone and respected his wishes for NC but she’s continued to contact and harass me.

This leads to the last few weeks, my boyfriend works as a motorcycle test rider and he got in an awful motorbike crash while working, as such I now need to care for him. I’m okay with that and I’m focusing on seeing it as an opportunity for us to get closer, it’s been nice honestly. However his mother has been AWFUL to me. She’s called me litany of terms.

From things as tame as stupid to things as awful as a “N**ty Serbian half breed.” I’m not Serbian and she’s well aware that calling a Kosovan a Serb is offensive. I tried to block her so she started making new iMessage accounts and began to continuously harass me via those accounts.

Then came Friday night. The police turned up at our door. I was pretty confused and was quickly told they were there to do a welfare check as they’d received “multiple” claims of horrific abuse I was apparently putting my poor boyfriend under. Obviously they quickly discovered he was fine, albeit grumpy and they left.

I know for a fact it was his mother, some of the details the police mentioned made that obvious. I’m now at a point where I’ve realised I literally cannot do this. I’m going to press charges against her for the insurance and harassment (it’s a crime in the UK) and I’m likely going to sue her for damages, for the sake of my mental health I need to do this.

I don’t want to be a victim and she needs to be forced to stop. I have mentioned my intentions to her if she doesn’t back off and she’s pretty much mocking me and saying I won’t. I absolutely will. I just feel like this morally may make me an awful person.

She sucks, I know this, however she’s old and miserable enough as is and I feel like doing this may ruin whatever small amount of life she has left. It feels like it may be too far. I really don’t know though and I genuinely cannot be objective here.. WIBTA here if I did this?

Edit: When I say I need to care for my boyfriend, I mean he’s essentially immobile, he’s not being unsupportive, he’s just barely able to take care of himself, let alone battle his mother too.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

mongrelgoddess −  NTA. This is getting dangerous. Maybe a restraining order?

UnfixedConch −  NTA- his mother is abusive and becoming a danger to you and your boyfriend. You need to cut her out entirely and take some legal action. Figure out your best options and go from there. But this woman is a r**ist, vile, sickening lady.

tiacalypso −  NTA but do discuss it with your boyfriend first. In my country, this would be slander and libel laws would apply.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, but it’s not quite clear what charges you want to press. It’d be hard to prove she maliciously reported abuse (people have a wide latitude for reporting concerns), fraud for changing the insurance? Perhaps. More importantly, what is your BF doing about this? It’s his mother. He really should be the one fighting on your behalf.

I would be pissed at my SO if they didn’t defend me in this situation. Honestly, if things are as bad as you say I would go NC and ask thag my partner do the same. You can’t reasonably expect the mother to change, she seems unhinged, but your boyfriend needs to step up.

merlady94 −  NTA- Her age doesn’t excuse her behavior, you have a right to defend yourself, however you see necessary. Make sure you are documenting all the evidence you can, and have an open conversation with your boyfriend about your plans.

HereFishyFishy4444 −  NTA But you don’t need reddit on your team, it’s your bf you need to agree with on this (‘need’ as in if he’s against it, because it’s his mom, you’ll probably break up). I think your bf is in a tough spot, because it’s his mom. But at the same time, if he isn’t 100% sticking up for you now (maybe minus the suing his mom), Idk if you should be in this relationship.

heavenhelpyou −  NTA. You’re well within your rights to do this and, I recognise they type of woman she seems to be, and I feel like she won’t ever stop until she is made to stop. You’ve given her fair warning, if she didn’t take you seriously it’s her problem. You have to protect your own wellbeing and that of your partners – his mother is not important here, and needs to go away.

[Reddit User] −  NTA but given this is the UK there are a few things that don’t add up.

1. You cannot change insurance details without being the insured person.

2. You don’t get restraining orders in the UK. You can get an injunction. You can do this online and it’s fairly straight forward.

3. You can’t press charges in the UK. You make a police report and the police will decide the action, not you.

4. You have zero chance of suing for damages in the UK. So don’t waste your time thinking there’s a pay day here, there isn’t. Boyfriend mum is a nightmare, block her, report to the police and get on with your life. Nothing else will make any difference so don’t waste any time on it.

Tough-Macaroon4065 −  NTA but personally i would get everything organized before filing. Your focus at the moment should be his health and the added stress is not something he needs at this moment. Waiting till he is better and involving him in your decision is probably the best thing you can do for you relationship.

PerkyLurkey −  NTA absolutely you should sue. Her behavior has been enabled for far too long. The courts will make her stop, since she doesn’t have the ability to behave on her own.

Would you take legal action in this situation, or would you give the elderly mother one last chance to stop? Should age or family ties excuse someone from the consequences of their actions? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!