WIBTA if I reject my mom’s plans for MY body?

A Redditor shared his frustration with his mother, who recently returned after a long absence and immediately began commenting on his weight. Despite feeling physically fine and staying active, his mom insists he needs to hit the gym and changes his eating habits. Read the original story below to see how the situation unfolded.

‘ WIBTA if I reject my mom’s plans for MY body?’

My (20M) mom (38F) recently came back from a year long journey away from all of our family due to my grandma passing away, and right from the get-go she told me I put on some weight.

Ever since I begun working in the city, I’ve been eating out every other day and even got into a pizza frenzy, and i’ll admit: my body has seen better days (current height: 166 cm weight: ~80 kg).

But in my defense, my physical performance is as good as ever: I constantly walk 3 km daily back and forth towards my work (6 km daily total) and somehow i don’t grow tired from sprinting here and there.

Anyways, today in the morning my mom went on a tangent on how i’m slowly killing my body and how I should hit the gym already because my weight already has distributed correctly in the right places (whatever she meant by that).

I paid no mind to it and went to take a shower, and when my aunt went to the kitchen my mom broke into tears, saying how she thinks I ate too much because on the inside i felt lonely without her (I didn’t) and how I’m actually depressed (not likely), because those are the reasons she gained weight when she was my age (a single mother, mind you. kids are not in my book, i can’t even get a girlfriend).

Once I put a foot outside the bathroom, she pulled me into a hug and told how i’m “not alone anymore” and how she wanted me to eat fiber, protein and yadda yadda yadda. I just nodded and went on my way, a little frustrated by the whole exchange. Would I be the a**hole if I told her that the things she thinks about my weight gain are just unhealthy projections and that i’m just a fatass who enjoys food as much as sleeping?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

mdthomas −  Your body, your choice.. NTA

Marlowe_Eldridge −  You should eat fiber though..keeps you regular.

The_Guy_3446 −  Wow…how much of a n**cissist do you have to be to think that because you went on a trip that someone put on weight because they were so depressed that you were gone?

joeayala213 −  NTA. Mom’s out here writing a whole story about your love for pizza, when all you’re looking for is extra cheese, not extra analysis! If you’re healthy and happy, her projections are just that—her thing, not yours. Politely remind her that not every snack needs a backstory.

Aromatic-Piglet-9987 −  Nta. Sounds like she needs therapy.

NinjaHidingintheOpen −  I bet your mum has felt guilty about not being there to be your mum. She’s overcompensating by trying to ‘take care’ of you now. While she’s going about it in the worst way possible, it might be better to get her to nurture you in ways you might actually appreciate, or acknowledge it if she’s made sacrifices for you.

It sounds as though her mother has just died, so she’ll be grieving also and probably panicking that everyone she loves will die too soon if they’re not super, extra healthy. So maybe ask her to make you some meals, or help make some kind of decision. Alternatively, you could challenge her to a race or a competitive gym work out. NTA

lmmontes −  You’re working, earning your own money, enjoying food with your own money…you are growing up. You are the master of your own body. NTA.

Comprehensive-Bad219 −  NTA if you set some boundaries and tell her she needs to back off. It sounds like everything she is saying *is* more about her than it is about you. If she was genuinely concerned she could have just said she was concerned and then *asked* you if you want to talk about it, and if there’s anything she could do to support you.

Her going on a whole rant telling you how feel is really….idk the right word here but it’s not good or helpful.  Even if she feels bad about leaving (despite the fact that you’re an adult and seem unbothered), and, and was concerned you might be struggling without her, she still should have asked you. She can’t tell you how you feel. That’s really condescending.

There’s also the aspect that weight gain in general is a sensitive topic to broach with someone, and she doesn’t know how to talk about it in a normal way. It does sound like you have developed some unhealthy eating habits (surviving off of pizza and takeout isn’t great) and are overweight,

and I hope you work to manage that, but you’re an adult, and nothing she is doing here is actually helpful. I just want to bring that up to counter anyone saying it’s ok how she spoke to you because you are overweight. You have every right to tell her to back off. 

Akasgotu −  NAH. Your mother is right to be concerned about the effects of your additional weight on your health and you are right that, as a 20 year old, your choices and their consequences are your own. I strongly suggest that the two of you have a serious conversation about boundaries before your mother’s overstepping and your frustration with it cause permanent damage to your relationship.

Here_IGuess −  NTA. Mom needs to grow up.

Do you think the Redditor should express his feelings to his mom, or is it best to let the situation go to avoid further tension? How would you handle a parent’s concern over your appearance if you felt it wasn’t necessary? Share your thoughts below!