WIBTA if I refuse to lend my college fund for my cousin?

A Redditor (18F) is conflicted about lending 80% of her recently recovered college fund to her cousin (22M), who wants to move to a new city to complete his degree after struggling and failing repeatedly in his current program.

While she sympathizes with his situation, she’s concerned about jeopardizing her own future as she’s about to start college herself. With family pressuring her to help and her cousin adamant about finishing his chosen program, the Redditor feels torn. Read the full story below to weigh in.

‘ WIBTA if I refuse to lend my college fund for my cousin?’

I (18F) am in a bit of a predicament, but also, please forgive my grammatical errors and possibly useless additions as English is not my first language, but I want to make this as accurate as possible. My cousin (22M) wants to move to another city to finish his last years of college.

He’s been failing his chosen program for a bit now, and he’s convinced that switching locations will help him finally finish his degree. He’s even talked to his mother about it, but from what I’ve heard, she hasn’t exactly been pleased as it’s going to cost a lot—around 5 digits in my country’s currency, from his estimation.

New city, far away from where we currently live now, and the everyday basic needs aren’t even counted in said estimation, such as rent, food, electricity, and the likes; it could cost more than 5 digits if we really consider everything.

Our grandmother is asking me to lend him the money, but I just received that amount back from another family member who I had lent it to for personal reasons. I had agreed to lend the money a year ago and, recently, I just received 90% of it.

Now, on the same day I received this money, my grandmother is asking me if I could lend about 80% of what I got back to my cousin for his education. I’m about to start college myself in a few months, and this money was meant to help me secure my future.

I don’t want to sound selfish, but I’m scared that lending him this money will derail my own plans. I know my cousin’s situation is difficult, but he has been struggling in his program for quite a bit now. Personally, if you ask me, I have no hope for him in this program he’s chosen to take,

even if he seems so convinced that changing universities and locations will help him complete it if it really seems like this path may not be for him, given he has repeated a year or so in said college program due to not meeting the required units passed to go on to the next year of college.

His chances of actually finishing seems pretty slim, given how much he has been failing to pass, and I’m not sure I want to risk my future for someone who hasn’t been able to get it together yet, no offense.

I want to talk about it with my family once more as we have already talked about this before and try to convince him to switch to something more feasible and one that will help him finally graduate as it has been one of his greatest concerns, but he has been pretty adamant about finishing this program,

even going as far to say as “If I’m not graduating with this program, then better not graduate at all”. I don’t want to disappoint my family, but I’m genuinely torn. If I lend him the money, I might jeopardize my own education and the future I’ve planned for myself.

I feel like I’m being selfish by not helping, but at the same time, I need to think about myself. I’ve talked to my parents about this, but so far they haven’t given me any answers and keep changing the subject. So, WIBTA for refusing to lend my college fund to my cousin?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Katiew84 −  NO. Do not do it. You will never get that money back. Do not jeopardize your own education or life for anyone other than your husband or kids. You don’t have either yet, therefore your money is only to be spent on yourself.

Tell your grandmother you’re not able to give your cousin any money, but since she feels so passionately about helping him you’ll gladly drive her to the bank so she can take out a loan herself to help him. Your family are all AH’s. Trying to take money from an 18 year old kid? To help someone else? GTFO.. NTA

alien_overlord_1001 −  NTA do not loan him money. If he is failing now, a new location is not magically going to change anything. Stop taking foolish risks with this money and pay for your own education.

Aggressive_Cup8452 −  It’s only a loan if he can realistically pay you back..  doesn’t sound like he could.. so….. your grandmother is asking you to “gift” your cousin the money. I say gift because you’re going to need this money in approximately 2 years for your onwn education… how realistical is it that the cousin..

his parents or your grandmother can pay you back? Considering that they are asking an 18 year old for money.. my guess is that NO ONE can scrunch up the cash. So… it’s a “gift”.

And imagine what names they will call you when you ask for your money back after you cousin fails school. How selfish/heartless of you to kick them while they’re down. You’re not being selfish for not helping.. your grandmother asking this of you is selfish. 

NoRazzmatazz564 −  NTA. If you loan that money you will never see it again. This is not your problem, he needs to work within his own budget.

Bedivemade −  NTA, Do not sacrifice your future for your cousin.

National_Pension_110 −  NTA. I don’t know your culture, but it seems like there might be a bias going on here—the cousin is clearly not a safe bet for a financial investment and I’m wondering if you are the only source of bailout money for him?

Are you the only person in this extended family who has money saved? You already lost money on the first loan—this time you could lose it all. The cousin needs to take some time to reset, and getting a job for while might be the best thing for him.

Fickle_Toe1724 −  NTA. Do not loan him the money. It will never be repaid. He has already proven he is irresponsible.  He can take a year off, and work to pay for his own education.

His parents can pay for it. He can get a loan to pay for it. If grandma is so sure of him, SHE can take out a loan to pay for his education. You need to keep your money safe to pay for your own education.

lilolememe −  NTA. He is not a good investment. He hasn’t followed through with what he has done. If he’s failing it’s because he hasn’t done the work, and he hasn’t asked for help when he should have.

He’s also trying to manipulate his family with his comments of it’s this or he doesn’t graduate. Well, then he can work, earn the money himself and go back to college when he has the money. He’s acting entitled to your money, and that isn’t right.

teresajs −  NTA. “I’m sorry, Grandma, but I need my money for my own college expenses so I can’t lend it to anyone.  Cousin should ask some other family members or apply for a loan at a bank.”

WN11 −  NTA. You will never see that money. Your cousin will come up with some semi-believable BS reason why can he pay you back YET and your family will believe him like they do now. If your grandmother wants to bankroll your cousin’s soul searching, she can do it herself, not from your money.

Do you think it’s fair for the Redditor to prioritize her own education and future, or should she take the risk to support her cousin despite his academic struggles? How would you handle a similar situation where family loyalty conflicts with personal security? Share your opinions below!