WIBTA if I purposely didn’t get my niece what she wanted for Christmas?
An aunt bought Christmas presents for her three nieces, including Stitch-themed gifts for her youngest niece, Ella (8), because that’s what Ella initially asked for. However, two weeks later, Ella suddenly announced she no longer wanted Stitch stuff and asked for a heatless curling set instead.
The aunt, frustrated by Ella’s habit of changing her mind after gifts are already bought and wrapped, is considering sticking to her original plan. She wonders if doing so would be too harsh or if it might teach Ella a valuable lesson about being sure of what she wants. read the original story below…
‘ WIBTA if I purposely didn’t get my niece what she wanted for Christmas? ‘
I have 3 nieces, Alice (14), Olivia (11) and Ella (8). 2 weeks ago, I went to visit them. I told them that I was going to be shopping for their Christmas presents soon, and asked them each in turn what they would like me to get them (they prefer to ask for specific things rather than get surprises).
The eldest two, Alice and Olivia, both gave me short lists of things they wanted. Ella just said she wanted “Stitch stuff.” (as in Lilo and Stitch.) She didn’t have any specific ideas, just Stitch-themed merchandise in general. So I went out and bought all their presents.
For Alice and Olivia I chose a few specific things from their lists. I got Ella a few Stitch themed things including a paint-your-own Stitch figure, a pack of Stitch themed fruit scented lip glosses and a snuggly Stitch blanket for her bed. Today, I went round to visit the girls again.
I mentioned how I’m glad I’ve finished my Christmas shopping, and Olivia asked whether I had got her the heatless hair curling set she asked for. I said “maybe, maybe not, you’ll have to wait and see!” (For the record, I have indeed got it for her.)
Ella overheard this conversation and said “I want you to get **me** a heatless curler too!” So I said “sorry Ella, you’re a bit late, I’ve already bought all your Christmas presents!” She then asked what I had got her, and I said Stitch stuff.
At that, she looked annoyed and said “What?! I don’t want Stitch stuff!” I said “Last time I was here I asked you what you wanted and you said Stitch stuff, so that’s what I’ve got you.” She replied “No I didn’t!” (She definitely did, because I wrote it down there and then, and her sisters helped me think of a few Stitch things she might like.)
I was half expecting this because Ella has a habit of changing her mind about what she wants, weeks after she has already asked for something and I’ve already bought her presents. It was par for the course when she was little, but now she’s 8 and I do feel she ought to know better by know.
I really don’t need the hassle of returning all the stuff I’ve bought (that’s already wrapped and under the tree) and getting her something else, but I do kinda feel bad for her. WIBTA for sticking to my guns and giving her the Stitch stuff even though she now apparently doesn’t want it?
Would it be a good idea to help her learn the lesson that she has to be sure when she asks for things and can’t just change her mind with no notice? or am I being too harsh on an 8 year old?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
StAlvis − I mean… I’m *hesitant* to call an 8yo an a**hole, but…. NTA
Puzzleheaded_Car5761 − As a mother of an 8yo girl, Id say for you to stick with what you got her. Girls that age like what their mates do, and want to show off what they have. My daughters mates are always gloating about the latest stich stuff. You got it right, she just wants what her sisters have.
You just tell her, “I did what you asked, but you can always spend any money you get for Xmas in the sales for what you didn’t get that you wanted.” I’ve had to say this as I’ve now finished my girls list and she’s trying to add on Dr who stuff
LycheeFabulous6204 − Had you kept silent on finishing Christmas shopping, this problem would not have emerged. Another example of the less information you provide the better in multiple cases.
T_G_A_H − NTA, but can’t you soften the “no” by saying you can get it for her next birthday or next Christmas or something? Or you could have kept your answer non-specific and positive,
and said you got her what she asked for last time you saw her, but not remind her what that was, and just tell her to “wait and see” as well. So NTA for not buying all new presents, but slight Y T A for how you handled the situation.
Dependent_Lobster_18 − NTA. She asked for stitch stuff and that’s what you got her. I wouldn’t set the precedent that she can just change her mind after you said you’re done shopping. She can ask mom or dad or Santa for heatless curl set. Also, as a mom of an almost 8 year old, I would be hesitant giving an 8 year old a heatless curl set. I think the stitch stuff is much more age appropriate.
Sad_Ice8946 − I’ve seen your responses, OP. The lighting the birthday candles of her sister’s cake so the little one can blow them out first, the gift on her sister’s birthday…no. I’ve worked with children for many years in the behavioral rhelm.
The adults in her life need to stop reinforcing her behaviors and start teaching her prosocial ones. 8 years old is not cute anymore and I can only imagine what she’s like in a classroom or with peers.
Top_Bluejay_5323 − NTA. But you are stupid. You are just asking for this exact tuning to happen. Ask for a list of ideas for kinds of gifts they would like. That’s it. And don’t give them answers to what you got them.
edebby − NTA. Nothing guarantees that by xmas time, she wouldn’t change her mind once again
Tally0987654321 − NTA It’s a gift, they need to learn that. Kids get jealous of each other’s gifts and wish they had this or that all the time. You asked and she told you.
Personally, I wouldn’t have told them what they were getting, but I suppose you learned that the hard way. it opens up a can of worms. IMO if you exchange the gift now, you’ll be encouraging bad behavior and expectations for the future.
Majestic-Weather-334 − Why even talk about the Christmas presents and tell them what they will get? I understand that she may feel disappointed when a big part of opening presents is the surprise.
She is 8 years old and expressing disappointment or feelings is difficult when you don’t fully understand your feelings.We place so many demands on children that they should understand their feelings,
be able to express their feelings and take responsibility for their feelings but how many adults can even manage that?? You are NTA because you bought what she wanted and what you thought would suit her but you could have avoided the whole situation if you had just kept quiet about buying Christmas presents.
Is it fair to give a child what they originally asked for, even if they later change their mind? Should the aunt teach Ella a lesson about sticking to her decisions, or is that too much for an 8-year-old? Share your thoughts below!