WIBTA if I picked my best friend over my wife?

Navigating relationships can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope, especially when past connections unexpectedly collide with present commitments. In this complex scenario, a 38-year-old man finds himself torn between his current relationship with his “wife” Abby and a deep-rooted friendship with Emily—his best friend since high school.

Despite a brief romantic entanglement in their past, Emily has since embraced a life with her wife Sara and their children, becoming more like family than a former lover. Now, with Abby upset over the resurfacing of old secrets and demanding that he cut off contact with Emily, he is left grappling with loyalty, support, and the fear of losing essential pillars in his life.

‘WIBTA if I picked my best friend over my wife?’

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that “clear boundaries and honest communication are critical for maintaining trust in any partnership” . In this case, the narrator’s predicament illustrates the challenge of balancing past relationships with present commitments.

While Abby’s request to cut off contact with Emily might seem reasonable on the surface—given the sensitivity around past infidelities—the deeper issue lies in the lack of open dialogue from the beginning. Experts suggest that when long-standing relationships and blurred boundaries come into play, couples benefit from discussing these issues early and clearly.

In our narrator’s situation, Emily is not a romantic threat but a vital friend and support person, and the fear of losing her, along with Sara and the kids, adds significant emotional weight. As challenging as it may be, negotiating new boundaries that honor both the past and the present could help rebuild trust and ensure that no one feels abandoned.

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Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Many sympathize with the narrator, arguing that dismissing a long-standing friendship over a past mistake may be too harsh—especially when that friend now plays a critical role in his life. Others, however, feel that Abby’s request for exclusivity is understandable, particularly if she perceives any lingering emotional ties as a threat to their family’s unity.

The prevailing sentiment seems to be that open, honest communication is the only path forward, though opinions remain deeply divided on where to draw the line between safeguarding a relationship and preserving essential support systems.

At the heart of this story lies a challenging question: Should past friendships, even those marked by brief romantic history, be sacrificed to protect a current relationship? Is it possible to honor both the need for emotional security in a marriage and the value of a lifelong friendship? While our narrator deeply appreciates the support he receives from Emily, the pressure from Abby—and the ghosts of past mistakes—complicates the decision.

What would you do if faced with a similar crossroads between loyalty to a partner and commitment to a cherished friend? Share your thoughts and experiences as we discuss how best to navigate these murky relational waters.