WIBTA if I move in with my dad even though I know what he did to my mom?

A 15-year-old Reddit user finds themselves caught between divorced parents, each with their own flaws and history. After a tumultuous relationship with their mother and learning the reason behind their parents’ split, they’re considering moving in with their dad full-time. However, their mother and siblings view this as a betrayal. Would moving in with the father, despite his past actions, make them the bad guy? Read their story below.

‘ WIBTA if I move in with my dad even though I know what he did to my mom?’

My (15f) mom despises anyone who’s different than her. I’m not talking just skin color, s*xuality and things like that (although those as well) even something as small as being soft spoken instead of loud like her. When I was 14 we had a month long fight because I started eating breakfast right as I woke up instead of 2-3 hours after like her.

Growing up, I did not have much of a real personality, I did the opposite of anything she did because she very clearly favored my brothers (19,17) and that was the only way for me to get her attention. I grew since then, and I found myself and my real personality more and more every day.

Now, my mom and dad divorced when my mom was 6 months along with me, me and my brother visit his house every other weekend. My dad have a wife now and 2 more kids (twins, girl and boy) that I’m closer to than my brothers even though they’re 12. I never knew why my parents divorced until last week. In the last year I’ve been staying more and more with my dad because I just can’t deal with my mom anymore and my dad is always there for me.

My mom has been getting increasingly irritated but for the first time ever she kept somewhat quiet. That is until last week when we had a fight (about my style of clothing, apparently I dress too masculine now) when I was about to leave to go to my dad’s house to get away from her (not his weekend) and my mom just blurted out why they divorced.

My mom never wanted me, she was okay with two kids but my dad wanted a daughter so he pressured her to try again have another kid. But making my mom do things never end well and now they’re divorced. I went to my dad’s anyway.
I don’t what to do, I don’t see it as such a big deal, my mom never agrees to do something she doesn’t want to unless she somewhat wants it as well.

But my entire family from my mom side and my brothers are calling me an a**hole for still favoring my dad and being willing to have a relationship with him (my brothers already knew and apparently that was why they hate him so much). Am I in the wrong? Is it just my favoring of my dad that doesn’t let me see the problem in the situation? What should I do?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

kfadffal −  NTA. And based on what you’ve said about your Mother, I’d take anything she says about why she divorced your Dad with a HUGE grain of salt.

WhereWeretheAdults −  NTA. I would get dad’s side first. However, why shouldn’t you favor dad? Mom just told you she never wanted you. From your post, that opinion hasn’t really changed much as you see the obvious favoritism. Why stay where you aren’t wanted and with someone who decides to pick fights over minor things like your clothes?

Competitive_Cod_3843 −  It sounds like your father has always wanted you, even before you existed. Your mother is punishing you for existing. You are not wrong for seeking out the loving, nurturing parent.. NTA.

Lunar-Eclipse0204 −  First of all, NTA – Your father didn’t do anything she didn’t truly consent too, if she truly didn’t want to have a 3rd child she should have said so and stuck her answer, he is not solely to blame for this. She relented and agreed to try a 3rd time to have you! Your mother just basically told you she never wanted you, Go live with your dad, your mental health depends on it from the sounds of things.

Vyckerz −  Unless your dad tricked her somehow or SA’d her then she was a willing participant in the s** that conceived you!  So sounds like she let that all happen and then decided to leave your dad 6 months later?!  She Left your dad and destroyed the marriage.  How is that your dad’s fault exactly?

Purple-Gap2522 −  Oh, I’m so sorry she said such a thing to you! My heart hurts for you. And why on earth anyone would then expect you to want more time with her, and less time with the parent who’s always wanted you and loved you? And with your stepmother and younger siblings, who sound like they love you like their own?

I hope you’ll spend as much time where you prefer to be as you possibly can. Your mother has to have known what a hurtful thing that would be for you to hear. Which means, on some level, she said it TO hurt you, and your dad. If you feel like it, tell your brothers, “so now that I know, you think I’m supposed to want to be closer to the parent who’s never wanted me, never encouraged me to be who I am, and wants me to know she didn’t want me?”. NTA, no way no how.

Tasty_Rip_4267 −  Wait…your dad never cheated or hurt anyone? He just put a baby (you) in his wife? Ya, go live with your Dad. NTA. F**k all those people. You may find that in fact, the relationship with your mother becomes stronger when you go. Good luck, young lady.

cdaffy −  NTA – it was VERY inappropriate for your mom to say this to you.

Odinallf_ther −  NTA, it’s s**tty to pressure someone into something, but your mom treats you like crap. Go be with the parent that treats you well. Protecting yourself is never a bad thing.

ChromeD0me −  Nta… hell, based on what you wrote, I’d argue that you’d be better off living with your dad (if possible) rather than a mother who flat out told you that she never wanted you, and that keeping you was the main reason for the divorce… fk that…