WIBTA if I go on vacation instead of my brothers wedding?

The user, a 26-year-old woman, has spent two years and significant money preparing to be a bridesmaid at her brother Tom’s wedding, only to be replaced last-minute by her future sister-in-law’s new favorite, Becky.

Despite being ousted, the bride expected her to let Becky wear the $800 dress for free. After refusing and returning the dress for a refund, the user decided not to attend the wedding. She is now considering taking a discounted trip to Miami instead, which would overlap with the wedding.

‘ WIBTA if I go on vacation instead of my brothers wedding?’

My brother Tom (36m) and I (26f) have never had a really solid relationship, due to our age gap we didn’t spend much time and by the time I was old enough to develop a personality he was moved out of the house. For the last two years my brother and his fiance Sarah (32f) have been planning their wedding.

And it’s coming up in September. I was asked to be a bridesmaid. I figured i was only asked as a courtesy since I’m her soon to be sister in law but I still took it seriously. I have been a bridesmaid for the last two years. Just a few weeks ago I managed to save up to buy the 800 dollar bridesmaid dress.

Over all in the last two years between group outings to parties, dinners, lunches, clothes, etc… I spent thousands of dollars. Eventually all the girls in the wedding and I became extremely close and I started to get hyped for the wedding. Sarah recently got close with her brother’s wife Becky (30f).

Last week she dropped the ball on me that she no longer wants me to be a bridesmaid and she would prefer if Becky would take my place. It broke my heart a little but it’s her wedding and it’s not my place to tell her how to run it so I said it was fine.

Yesterday I went to my brother’s house to pick up the bridesmaid’s dress, and was going to see if I could return it since it was within the time frame. Sarah was completely appalled and said that Becky was going to wear it since she and I are the same size. I said that would be fine, but they would have to pay me the 800 for it.

Sarah said that Becky couldn’t afford and I should just be nice and let her use it and said that I could keep it after the wedding. I explained that I’m not just giving away the dress, and I’m not ever going to usei after the wedding. After some bickering back and forth I just ended up taking it and leaving.

My brother and Sarah tried to compromise with me, and say I could be “the assistant flower girl” and I felt offended at the offer. After I said no, they then said that Becky could give me 250 bucks for it. Again no and I returned the dress and got a full refund.

I told them I understand that it’s their wedding but they are being extremely disrespectful to me and I don’t need to deal with it and I’m not going to the wedding. Today my coworker says she has an extra round trip plane ticket to go to Miami that she’ll sell to me for half price plus I would have to pay for half the hotel and I can go hang out with her in Florida.

The only downside is that I’ll be in Florida for the week of my brother’s wedding. So will I be the a**hole if I just go party in miami instead of going to my brother’s wedding?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Auntie-Mam69 −  NTA. Go to Miami. A wedding is not an event where a soon-to-be SIL and your own brother crap all over you and you smile and take it.

vidadeleeda −  NTA, They disrespected you so you don’t have to be there if you don’t want to. They literally removed you as a bridesmaid after they had you spend so much money. I’m proud of you for returning the dress instead of letting them walk all over you and take it for free.

You might not be able to ever be close with this brother if he finds out you chose partying in Miami over his wedding. Also may affect what parents/other family think of you. But not sure if any of that is relevant

padflash −  Fuk em. They did you dirty

CrystalQueen3000 −  NTA They treated you with such disrespect that even if you didn’t have a better offer, not going to the wedding is still the right choice

lifeiswonderful-1990 −  NTA – how can someone logically conclude that it’s ok to pass on a brand new dress without compensating the original owner considering it’s within return timeline. I mean I just cannot get around that bit. Everything else, while s**tty, I get how that can happen. But g**damn the dress thing just doesn’t make sense at all

mfruitfly −  GO TO MIAMI! NTA. Your brother and SIL are being terrible. They could just add another bridesmaid if there was suddenly a person that needed to be included. And at the very least, should be paying you for the dress AND other costs you already incurred for being a bridesmaid.

Go sit on the beach in Miami, have a fun cocktail, swim in the ocean and dance in the bars. You won’t regret it.

Adventurous_Ad_7679 −  NTA….SIL prefers Becky and you prefer Miami.

loverlyone −  I was so ready to judge you TA from the title, but damn, your brother is doing you so wrong here.. NTA

Specialist-Effort777 −  INFO: How likely is it that this wasn’t coincidence? Were you made bridesmaid so that you’d foot the bill for the dress for the “new” bridesmaid?
You just HAPPEN to be the same size as the new bridesmaid? I don’t buy it.

northshore21 −  NTA. Outside of a malicious bridesmaid who doesn’t support the wedding, there was no reason to kick you out of the wedding. She could have easily added a bridesmaid without asking someone to step down. It’s appalling that she thought she could take the bridesmaid dress you paid for.

It’s her wedding and she can do what she wants but the consequence of being s**tty to people is they don’t want anything to do with you. Also for your brother sucks. If I treated my husband’s family like that,no matter how distance he was to them, we wouldn’t have been married.