WIBTA if I (F23) told my housemate (M19) his OCD and house rules because of such is not my problem?

A 23-year-old Redditor shares her frustrations about living in a house-share with a 19-year-old housemate who enforces extreme cleanliness rules, allegedly due to his OCD. Despite her efforts to accommodate, his passive-aggressive behavior, constant messaging, and lack of compromise are wearing her down. Now, she’s debating whether to confront him about his actions and set boundaries. Read the full story below and share your thoughts!

‘ WIBTA if I (F23) told my housemate (M19) his OCD and house rules because of such is not my problem?’

My partner and I moved into a house-share with two others: M (19) and M (25+). I’m generally tidy and have house-shared for years, but M (19) has been overly strict and passive-aggressive since we moved in.

When we arrived, he tried to give us just one cupboard and one fridge shelf (out of six cupboards and five shelves) for both of us. When we pushed back, he got annoyed. Eventually, we took space for ourselves, but he retaliated by throwing away communal items, which might lead to extra charges for all of us.
The house is spotless, yet M (19) constantly complains. Examples:

• I can’t leave wet sponges in the sink and they have to be in my cupboard despite the damp smell.

• I’m not allowed to use the drying rack for plates.

• I can’t leave leftovers in the kitchen but also can’t have more fridge space. He suggested storing food in my room, which I refused.

• He complained about a bin being half full while we were out for two days, yet refused to empty it himself.

• Once, he sent a long rant about a single crumb in the kitchen.

His messages are long-winded and often feel targeted toward me and my partner, even though M (25+) is messier. I finally snapped and told him to adjust his tone. He claimed these rules are due to his OCD, but they’re excessive, and I’m tired of being hounded.

We’ve tried to accommodate: no personal belongings in communal areas, no guests, and keeping everything spotless. Still, the constant messaging and lack of compromise are exhausting.. WIBTA if I told him:

“Hey, I’ve tried to be accommodating, but your constant passive-aggressiveness and strict rules are becoming ridiculous. Our home is very clean, and it’s unfortunate if it doesn’t meet your standards due to your OCD.

However, you can’t expect the rest of us to cater to your every need, especially when it comes to communal space. When you sign up for a houseshare, compromise is necessary. I also feel the way you address me but not my partner or M (25+) is sexist and domineering, which I don’t appreciate.

Let’s work toward a middle ground.” TL;DR: Housemate with OCD enforces extreme cleanliness rules, sends daily complaints, and targets me. WIBTA for calling him out?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

coolerbeans1981 −  NTA. Why is this only a problem with only **one** of the housemates? As someone with OCD, this doesn’t sound like OCD. This sounds more like obsessive compulsive personality disorder, which is more about rules, order, and control than self-medicating the anxiety of obsessions via the compulsions.

Think of Monica on *Friends*. (And yes, due to my OCD, I have rules *for myself* to manage my disordered logic, but this ain’t what’s happening here.) Especially the bin being half full, but he didn’t clear it. If he had OCD, he’d want the mess/germs/odor gone ASAP. He’d get rid of it and then thoroughly wash his hands and forearms.

Instead he ignored it and then made it an issue of you needing to follow his rules and placate him. That’s OCPD, not OCD.. no guests F**k that. You pay rent, you’re allowed guests. Again, this is about *his* rules and control and not about OCD.

badassmillz −  This dude is wayyy too much. Is he connected to the landlord in any way? The cupboards should be split evenly as if there was 1 tenant occupying. You and ur partner would have to work it out as such to be fair. So 2 cupboards each tenant.

NTA for wanting to address this. I wanted to revise the message but I have questions…… Why has he taken “charge” of the household like that? Is he related to the landlord or something ?…. Have you talked to to the other roommate about this?

Cowabungamon −  NTA. He’s 19 years old. Flick his ear call him a nerd and tell him to shut up

CandylandCanada −  “Hey, I’ve tried to be accommodating, but your rules are ridiculous. Your OCD is your problem. When you sign up for a houseshare, compromise is necessary. The way that you address me is sexist and domineering. Let’s work toward a middle ground.”. FTFY. NTA

East_Parking8340 −  Unless he is the house owner he has no right to implement rules, and even if he was there are limits to what he can do. He’s trying to make his problems your problems. Don’t let him.. NTA

WhereWeretheAdults −  NTA. This reads more like a 19yo acting like a toddler to get his way than someone with OCD. He is actually throwing tantrums. Start planning on finding a new place, you don’t need to deal with a six-year old in a 19 year old body in your life.

Stop trying to placate him. Live your life. He doesn’t get to set the rules all by his lonesome. If he tries the OCD card again, give him the number of a therapist. He’s just immature and controlling.

Key_Somewhere_5768 −  Man…I feel bad for young people today having to share a living space with strangers only to find out one or more are simply too weird to abide…to tell the truth I’d rather live in a van down by the river than put up with that kind of nonsense. Best of luck going forward!

rexmaster2 −  As far as the dish sponge, it should never be left IN the sink or put in the cupboard (wtf with this one?). It should put on the back of the sink on something that will allow it to properly air dry. Anything else is totally gross.

high_on_acrylic −  NTA. The treatment of OCD does not involve giving into the compulsions, he needs to seek professional help.

chrestomancy −  If his condition is such that he cannot tolerate other people’s definition of “clean” then he is not fit to live in a house share. Your resolution is more fair than mine would have been.

“We keep this place clean and tidy. But if you want to make an issue of it and require us to live to your own rules, we can instead treat it like a trash heap, and see who cracks first.

If you want oven gloves hung a certain way, you deal with it. Do not raise it with me. If you want sponges kept in a cupboard and not in the sink, you deal with it. I expect the sponge to be properly dry before putting it in that cupboard, and if it is not and there is mold, it is again your problem and I expect you to deal with it.

If you cause any harm to my food, my possessions or to any guests we have over, I will ensure your own things are messed with. If something happens and it is not clear who did it, I will assume it is you and act accordingly.

I have tried accommodating you, and you have been rude and unreasonable. So therefore I am abandoning that strategy. If you don’t like it, move out. I am not your mother, I am not your therapist, I do not care what your personality disorder is. Unless you are able to communicate politely and with respect, this is the way it is going to be.”

Would the Redditor be justified in addressing her housemate’s behavior, or should she approach the situation differently considering his OCD? How would you handle a housemate who imposes strict rules in a shared space? Share your perspective below!