WIBTA if I do not give my partner equity in the house in exchange for housework?

A woman (33F) owns her townhouse, where her partner (36M) lives, contributing minimal rent and groceries while focusing on his PhD. He performs slightly more housework and cooking than she does. As she plans to sell her townhouse and buy a new house (entirely funded by her),

she asked him to sign a cohabitation agreement ensuring the house remains hers in case of a breakup. He objects, arguing he deserves equity in the house due to his contributions to housework. She believes this is unfair, as she’s financing the house and wants to avoid potential future financial complications. read the original story below…

‘ WIBTA if I do not give my partner equity in the house in exchange for housework ?’

This dispute involves the following parties: Me (33F) and my partner (36M). Throwaway! I have a good corporate job; I bought a townhouse 7 years ago when I was single. Met my partner 3 years ago. He moved into my townhouse.

Pays occasional (well below market value) rent, buys occasional groceries. I cover well over 80+% of the expenses. My partner is a PhD student. When he moved in with me he cut a LOT of expenses. He no longer had to work his s**tty part time job to pay his rent in a shared apartment with 4 other guys.

My partner does do more housework than I (60/40 split), and he cooks more often (65/35). I do not mind this arrangement; I care about him deeply and we generally get along well and have a caring relationship. The issue is this: I am selling my townhouse and buying a house.

I am fronting the entire cost, and am the only one on the mortgage. Before we move in, I asked my partner to sign a cohabitation agreement (basically a prenup for non married people). I gave him the agreement, which basically said I keep the house and doesn’t owe spousal support in the event of a breakup.

We got in a big fight because my partner wants to have equity in the house because of the housework he does. I think this is unfair. I know enough divorced couples to know you should always plan for the future. I’m worried about having to sell the house if we break up in order to pay him out. Am I crazy? AITA if I stick to my guns?

EDIT: a few people are asking why this is even an issue if we aren’t married. In my jurisdiction, if you cohabitate long enough you are considered common law spouses. We are getting to the point where if we break up, he would have a lot of the same rights as he would if we were married.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

East_Parking8340 −  60% of the housework does not equal half a home. That’s called pulling your weight (except he doesn’t as his financial contribution is close to zero). How utterly ridiculous of him. He’s 36 and a PHD student.

As soon as he moved in he stopped working as much (really bad sign) but I’d bet everything that he doesn’t use that additional time to speed up his PHD. By the time he gets it he’ll be lucky if he’s 40, then what?

His resume will be so crappy that he won’t get a high paying job, he’ll just keep on leeching from you. You have subsidised his life since before he moved in and he just sees you as a money tree. He’s put no cash towards it whatsoever and will not put any money towards it in the future.

You‘d be a complete and utter i**ot if you allowed him any type of legal toehold on **your** property. Frankly, you’d be an absolute d**derhead if you maintain a relationship with such a user.. NTA

Basic-Regret-6263 −  NTA.   Equity for housework is appropriate if it includes giving up your job to birth and raise children, because that’s a full-time job which benefits the working partner greatly while greatly damaging the stay-at-home spouse’s ability to earn. Equity for living almost rent-free but doing a little more of the cleaning?  Lol.  GTFO.

ninjastarkid −  The way my mom did it, is when she got married to my father she signed a contract and bought half of the house from him. Idk if she paid right away or over time (she was a single mother of a teenager). It was for different reasons but maybe a similar arrangement could work.

I don’t think doing all of the chores would even equal the value of a house. I mean what you’d pay a cleaning lady a $100 to clean it every week theoretically. Maybe a teenager $20 to mow the lawn. $100 for repairs here and there unless a remodel is required. That is nowhere near the cost of a house

slap-a-frap −  NTA – he’s just being greedy. An honest and good person would know that he has no claim and no right to make a claim on your property. The fact that you are doing this the right way is probably what’s bugging him because you are giving him no angles, no outs, nothing to manipulate you out of.

Stick to your guns. If he doesn’t want to sign the agreement, he can find a new place to live when you sell the townhome and buy a house. It’s his decision to make and you are doing everything right.

Ok-Position7403 −  NTA even a little! Guessing his PHD is not in economics. 60% of housework in a home you LIVE IN and pay below market rent for does not equal half a house, I won’t even address the cooking as I assume he eats too, and you could always cook more or order in if you needed to.

And only after three years? Just, no. You are a smart woman who has your s**t together. Do NOT let him jeopardize your future like this. Hate to say it but this is a pretty big red flag you would be foolish to ignore. I’m sorry. I don’t think I’d be able to look at him the same way after such a huge character reveal.

TarzanKitty −  NTA If he wants equity. He can buy in at 50%. You could hire a housekeeper full time and it will be exponentially cheaper than giving him half a house.. Your dude sounds like a scrub.

Jenicillin −  NTA. Don’t give him equity. You pay most of the expenses, he does a bit more housework, which evens out.

catskilkid −  NTA It is 100% your property and your income going into this. If he does not want to do any housework, he can live elsewhere. This is not about who owns the gas grill, this is the entire backyard and ……. If he is insisting, then you need to reconsider the relationship.

The concept of housework to equity (especially when you split it 60/40) is CRAZY!! Here is a question though…. Who pays electricity? Who pays the taxes? Who pays the homeowner’s insurance. Who pays the utilities?

You say 80% and I’ll bet that your portion is much more than the monetary value of his housework. Your 36yo PHD student has learned one thing…. How to take advatnage of you. Don’t back down!!! (maybe if he can finish his PHD before he’s HOW OLD???? he’ll change his mind- yea right)

GoddessOfDilettantes −  NTA. Usually a man waits until he’s \*completed\* his PhD to demonstrate this level of entitlement.
Source: I worked in the department that administered grant funding at a major university.

Planning ahead financially is wise, but should housework translate to equity in this context? Are her concerns justified, or does her partner have a point? what do you think? share your thoughts below!