WIBTA If I Divorce My Husband After The Death Of Our Child?
Losing a child is a pain that never really fades, and when it collides with long‑standing marital struggles, the result can be a heart‑wrenching decision. Our OP, a 36‑year‑old woman, has been married to her husband Liam (39M) for 11 years (15 years together), and the tragedy of losing their 6‑year‑old daughter in a devastating car accident has left both of them reeling.
While Liam was in ICU and later retreated into a shell—removing all traces of their daughter from their home and isolating himself in silence—the OP has carried the weight of grief alone. Despite her efforts to coax him into therapy and mend their relationship, his refusal to face the pain has pushed her to a breaking point.
Now, as the days turn into months, the OP is questioning whether she should finally choose to divorce him. She feels torn: she still loves him, yet the emotional distance and his unchecked anger make her feel utterly alone. With no siblings and friends scattered across the globe, she wonders if her decision to leave would be selfish or justified, even though she’s supposed to be comforting him through this tragedy.
‘WIBTA If I Divorce My Husband After The Death Of Our Child?’
Expert Opinion:
Navigating the turbulent waters of grief after losing a child is a challenge that can strain even the strongest of relationships. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist renowned for her work on trauma and relationship dynamics, explains, “When a couple faces the unimaginable loss of a child, the process of healing can be vastly different for each partner.
One person may retreat and suppress their emotions, while the other may seek open communication and mutual support.” ([kidshealth.org]) In the case of our OP, her husband’s withdrawal—characterized by removing cherished family photographs, repurposing their daughter’s room, and refusing to engage in therapy—has left her feeling isolated and unsupported in her own grief.
Dr. Durvasula further notes, “A lack of shared healing can lead to deep-seated resentment over time, even if both partners initially had the best of intentions.” For the OP, her repeated attempts to encourage therapy and emotional openness have been met with anger and silence. Meanwhile, the husband’s inability to process the tragedy collectively only exacerbates the emotional divide.
Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “When one partner consistently rejects offers of professional help or dismisses the shared loss, it becomes difficult to rebuild trust and intimacy. This isn’t about being unloving; it’s about managing overwhelming pain in a way that can’t be sustained long-term.”
Her insights suggest that the OP’s contemplation of divorce is not a knee‑jerk reaction but rather a gradual realization that her emotional needs are being neglected. Although the thought of leaving a partner you once deeply loved is heartbreaking, maintaining a relationship where unresolved grief festers can prevent both individuals from truly healing.
The OP’s struggle is compounded by the absence of immediate familial support and the growing sense of isolation. Ultimately, if one partner’s refusal to engage in healing continues to undermine the relationship, it may indeed be necessary to consider separation—not out of selfishness, but as a means of preserving one’s own mental and emotional health.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Many redditors sympathize with the OP, noting that after such a profound loss, feeling alone in your grief is a valid reason to reconsider your relationship. One commenter stated, “If your partner withdraws completely and refuses to work through the pain together, it’s understandable to feel like you’re carrying the burden alone.”
In the end, the decision to divorce a partner after the death of a child is one of the most excruciating choices a person can face. While our OP still loves her husband, his ongoing withdrawal and refusal to confront their shared loss have left her emotionally isolated and overwhelmed. Is it fair to choose to leave when you’re supposed to comfort each other, or is self‑preservation sometimes the only path to healing?
What would you do if your partner’s inability to grieve alongside you made you feel utterly alone? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?