WIBTA If I didn’t go to my brother’s wedding over a bridesmaid dress?

A medical student bridesmaid is caught in a whirlwind of family drama. Despite making efforts to accommodate her brother’s wedding during her final exams, miscommunication and frustration over a bridesmaid dress color have her questioning if she should attend at all. The bride and family are pressuring her, but no one has provided the vital information she needs. Read the full story below…

‘ WIBTA If I didn’t go to my brother’s wedding over a bridesmaid dress?’

I’m currently in medical school and live across the country from my brother/family. I was surprised when his fiancé asked me to be a bridesmaid because I barely know her, but she wants to have all siblings in the wedding. I made it clear that their wedding was during my final exam week,

and while I was able to get an accommodation to take my last two exams early I still wouldn’t be able to help much with planning or be present at things like a bachelorette party/bridal shower. She said this was fine, it would mostly just be to have an even number of bridesmaids to groomsmen and for pictures.

There’s a group chat that was created months ago that I would read through every couple of days to get updates on things I needed to do, namely to order a bridesmaid dress. Links were sent with three styles to choose from and we would be updated on colors later. So a couple weeks go by and I ask what color to order, bride says she still thinking about it.

Couple more weeks go by and she’s still thinking… then a couple more weeks. You get the idea. Now it’s at the point that if I don’t order this dress in a couple of days it won’t be here in time. So I ask on Saturday what color. No response in the group chat to me. I asked again yesterday (Sunday) what color do I need to order?

Then I’m flooded with messages lambasting me for not ordering a dress yet, from her sisters and my sister and her. My sister called me, told me to “get my sh\*t together” and “order a dress already” because my lack of preparedness is causing the bride intense anxiety because she doesn’t think my dress will be here on time for the wedding now.

She texted me this morning, “don’t forget order your dress, love you” with smiling and kissing emojis. Still, no one has told me what color! I’ve scoured the group chat for a mention of dress colors or an image of a dress but only the maid of honor sent a photo of her dress and I don’t know if she has a special color.

There’s thousands of messages so it’s not simple to find anything. Everyone else can meet in person so I assume the decision on color was relayed in person. I can’t tell if I’m being purposefully excluded? About an hour ago my brother called me pleading with me to work things out with the bride because she’s panicking about me.

I tried to explain this to him and he told me he doesn’t care, its a petty ladies issue, and since I’m not there for anything else this is the least I can do because the bride thinks I don’t like her because I wouldn’t come to anything. He’s taking her side. They know I’m in medical school, I have literally no say in my schedule.

And I’m on the other side of the country, 5.5 hours by plane. I’m fed up with them and contemplating telling my instructors the wedding was moved and I will take my exams at the regular time. I’d have more time to study that way anyway. I haven’t told anyone in my family I’m considering this. WIBTA?.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Legitimate_Essay_221 −  Group Text: “I would LOVE to order my dress. I would have LOVED to order my dress a long time ago, in fact. I don’t like being pushed to the wire anymore than anyone else, and I can see why this delay would particularly stress out the bride. BUT, I have repeatedly, REPEATEDLY asked for the color of the dress and have not been given an answer.

As it has gotten closer, I have been chewed out by multiple people for not having a dress yet, but I still haven’t been given a color. I don’t know what you want me to do without suddenly developing telepathy. I am waiting for the color because I don’t want to disrupt the bride’s vision for her wedding if I guess incorrectly, and frankly,

I assume that I will also get chewed out if I guess and show up and in the wrong color. I would really appreciate it if someone would use a single cell of common sense and tell me the color of the dress you want me to buy, so I can be there for this wedding like I have wanted from the beginning.

I’m trying my best here, and while I am sure there is frustration on the bride/groom’s part, it is almost unfathomably frustrating to be yelled at for not doing something while consistently being denied the information to accomplish that very thing.

Help me help you, or if it is too much, I don’t have to go. Let me know the color within the next 24 hours or I’ll step down so you can find someone else, although I do want to be part of your wedding. Let me know.” NTA sweet CHRIST that was frustrating to just read, I can imagine you’re about to lose it right now.

EDIT: s**ew it, I read your other comments; if she doesn’t send you a straight-up screenshot of one of the dresses so you can color-match within the next few hours they can pound sand because this is batshit fuckin crazy.

The only reason I’m rooting for you going to this wedding is because lavender was part of my wedding color scheme and I think everyone looks fabulous in it and I’m also self-involved.

Edit 2: guys I rationally know not everyone looks good in lavender due to hair color/skin tone, etc. but like I said I’m self-involved have lavender-tinted glasses and just think everyone looks amazing in my wedding color; I’m not delusional just selfish, I promise!

Edit 3: Now I’ve read your edit OP. Go scorched earth with these people. Stop communicating. They’re being shady jerks on purpose for whatever reason and are treating you like garbage. S**ew that long ass group text I suggested. Just say this: “You all can s**k a fart straight out of my butthole,

that’s your wedding gift; don’t bother letting me know how it tastes because I’m not talking to any of you anymore” and then block them. Go on vacation the day of the wedding. Get one of those thread braids in your hair. Post so many pictures people start wondering if you’re okay. But you are,

because you’ll be sipping a pina colada on the beach instead of suffering through what amounts to a ceremonious soul-sucking from actual g**damn dementors. These people could make a panda have a stress-induced heart attack.

Also thank you all so much for the awards, but I would probably not give me the wholesome award anymore because my tone has now completely changed and I’m not feeling very wholesome on OP’s behalf. I just told them to tell their family to eat their farts, so clearly this has got me worked up past a wholesome or helpful place.

Suitable-Cod-1381 −  I don’t understand why they can’t just tell you what color to order?. NTA. This is weird

TwilitSky −  Black dress. Black veil. It goes with everything and you’ll look super slim by comparison. Bonus: foreshadowing.

always_amiss −  I’m getting second-hand anxiety just from reading your post. Why is no one telling you the color of the dress???

Exhausted-Optimist −  NTA! Call up your sister (that told you to get your sh!t together ) and ask her what color. Also, your brother is an ass and a chauvinist with that “petty ladies issue” talk. It’s clear why you’re the sibling in Med school.

[Reddit User] −  I would send one last message. Short and sweet. I have not been told what colour dress to order. If I have heard by tonight the dress won’t arrive and I will have to withdraw. Hope to hear from you.

iguessijustgoonthen −  F**k it. Just catch fake covid 5 days before the wedding and call it a day

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Focus on your exams.

PrincessWaffleTO −  NTA. Not to be dramatic but she set you up for failure and hasn’t told your brother how much she fucked up. The choice to go to the wedding is yours but I wouldn’t go as a bridesmaid.

WhoFearsDeath −  NTA. This feels like a phone call situation to me, either to the bride or one of the other bridesmaids. Like, “hey Julie, I’m sitting here with a dress on my screen, I just need the color. What is it?” Bam. Done.

If they don’t answer call your brother and say the same thing. Can’t order if you don’t know the color. It’s not a “women’s thing”, it’s his wedding too.
Why they are being weird is beyond me, but they are.

Would the Redditor be justified in skipping the wedding to focus on her exams, or should she find a way to resolve the communication issues? How would you balance family expectations with professional priorities? Share your thoughts below!