WIBTA if I continue calling my MIL after my SIL asked me to call her Mrs. [last name] 3 years into my marriage?

A Reddit user shares a situation where her sister-in-law (SIL) asked her to start calling her mother-in-law (MIL) by her formal title, Mrs. [last name], after three years of calling her by her first name. This request came after an unrelated disagreement between the Reddit user and her SIL, leaving her feeling confused and upset.

Despite her MIL never requesting such a change and having a close relationship with her, the Reddit user is unsure whether it would be disrespectful to continue calling her MIL by her first name. Read the full story below…

‘ WIBTA if I continue calling my MIL after my SIL asked me to call her Mrs. [last name] 3 years into my marriage?’

My SIL and I/my husband had a disagreement/misunderstanding about something unrelated, and in repairing that, we each asked each other what we could do better. I was expecting the response to be related to the disagreement we had, but instead she told me I should call my MIL (her mother) by Mrs. [last name]. This is after three years of marriage and calling her by her first name.

My MIL and husband never told me what to call her or corrected me at any point since before I’ve known her to this day. Confused why my SIL thinks it’s appropriate to request this. It feels like a power play on her part, and I don’t want to change how I refer to my MIL when she didn’t ask me to. I know I could bring this up with my MIL, but I would prefer to avoid doing so as it’s been three years.

Furthermore, my MIL and I have been through a lot together, and I frankly don’t want to refer to her as Mrs. [last name]. My husband and I lived with her for a year during major medical issues on both sides, both her’s and mine, and we mutually took care of each other. This just feels like a slap in the face from my SIL. WIBTA if I keep calling her by her first name and pretend my SIL never brought this up? TIA

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

DisneyBuckeye −  NTA and I would bring it up to MIL. “Hey, I was talking to SIL the other day, and she said I should be calling you Mrs. Jones. I know I’ve always called you Jill, and it occurred to me that I never asked you how you’d like me to refer to you. Is it okay that I call you Jill?”. You never know, she might ask you to call her mom or something. But most likely, she’ll respond that of course you should call her Jill.

PrettyLittlePoisonx −  NTA. I imagine your MIL, that you lived with, can speak for herself. Further, if she had demanded this at any point, you probably wouldn’t have lived with her or helped take care of each other. SIL is on a weird power trip and needs to touch some grass.

overnumerousness9 −  Your SIL is really weird. Even in a very formal family, you stop calling your husband’s mother “Mrs. smith” when you get married. Because even if you didn’t change your name, YOU are now “Mrs. Smith”.

similar_name4489 −  NTA if MIL hasn’t had an issue with it, SIL is a j**k. I would simply tell SIL that if MIL has an issue with it then she can talk with you directly. 

Apart-Ad-6518 −  NTA. This is some out of left field, obscure power play by your SIL. Ignore her & do as you’ve always done. If there was an issue It sounds as though your MIL would feel comfortable to bring it up. If SIL keeps it up your husband needs to speak to her.

tokoloshe62 −  Tbh, if this is going to worry you, speak to your MIL (f2f, not on text): “Hey, so, SIL mentioned to me something about calling you by your first name. You mean a lot to me so I wanted to check in with you if it has been bothering you or if you’d rather me call your something else”. Your SIL has no right to request this; it would only be something if your MIL wanted it.

Renbarre −  Call your SIL Mrs what’s her name.

Number-2-Sis −  NTA…. sounds like your sister in law is jealous of the closeness you share with MIL and is trying to put distance in between you, because after three years suddenly calling her Mrs. *** is bound to make MIL feel like something happened to cause the sudden change… Speak to MIL and ask what she prefers. It would be awesome if she told you to just call her Mom. SIL will loose her S**t if that happens.

Wrong-Sink7767 −  “I’m Mrs. Last name too, so no”.

Somuchallthetime −  This is wild. What you call your mil is between you and her NOT your sil. Also if you changed your last name, aren’t you both “Mrs. Name”? You and mil should just call eachother “Mrs. Name” make it an extra connection you have. Please pass the peas Mrs. Jones, oh thank you Mrs. Jones.