WIBTA if I confronted my suitemates for taking my period products?

A Redditor (college student) has noticed that her suitemates have been using her period products without asking. She feels conflicted because she doesn’t want to come off as unsympathetic if they can’t afford their own, but at the same time, she is paying for the products and feels it’s disrespectful to take someone’s things without permission.

She’s also concerned about the added cost as a result. After a previous discussion on respecting personal belongings, she’s wondering if it’s wrong to confront her suitemates about this. Should she ask them to stop using her pads? Read the full story below.

‘ WIBTA if I confronted my suitemates for taking my period products?’

Im a college student, and live on a dorm on campus with 5 other girls/AFAB people. I’ve noticed lately someone in my suite has been using my pads without asking me every period.

I know they are mine, and that I’m not the one using them because 1) they opened a new pack, which I did not do and 2) in the past with an already opened pack I counted what I had left and noticed it went down. I also see the little orange wrappers in the trash bag when I know I haven’t been on my period and the trash is taken out regularly so it’s newly used.

The thing is… I feel like I’d be an a**hole if I got mad about this because women can’t control periods obviously and if they can’t afford them… I wouldn’t want them to go without. However they never asked me, and I’m the one paying for them and have to buy them more frequently now, and I think it’s rude to use someone’s stuff without asking.

If they used one one time for an emergency or something without asking I’d get that, but they’re just straight up not getting their own pads as they use multiple of mine for their whole period. Pads are expensive and I’m not made of money, and I don’t want to have to take them out of the bathroom and inconvenience myself with having to remember to bring one in every time I’m on my period either.

I just want to be able to keep them in there without them being stolen. We also just had a suite meeting where we said peoples personal stuff in the bathroom is their personal stuff and not for everyone, since my other suitemate also had her shampoo used by someone else once and felt uncomfortable with that, so it’s known stuff in there isn’t meant for sharing besides the cleaning products and toilet paper.

WIBTA if I confronted them though and ask them to get their own pads? It feels mean to be upset about it since it’s like you can’t control a period and if you can’t afford it I’d rather you take mine but without asking feels rude.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

augustbluemoon −  NTA, period products are *expensive*. Maybe move them to your room or a space they can’t find them and only bring them to the bathroom with you when you need to change yours. I’ve dealt with this before and the confrontation didn’t end well (I got hit with “you’re not a real feminist if you don’t share your products” and “girls help girls out” but nobody ever offered to replace the used products or pitch in $…). I hope all the best for you, OP.

animaniactoo −  NTA – you don’t need to make it a huge deal. Just a statement “Hey, I realized that someone has been regularly using my pads. I understand emergencies, but just like everything else in the bathroom, my pads are not for communal use.” You don’t have to accuse anyone in specific – just put them on notice that you’re aware of it happening and no, it is NOT going unnoticed.

eeo11 −  I would just stop keeping my pads in the bathroom. Bring one with you when you need one like you’re using a public bathroom. I know that isn’t ideal, but it’ll stop the issue. Whomever is doing it probably won’t fess up if you confront them.

Deep-Manner-4111 −  NTA. You shouldn’t be expected to provide them for someone else, especially if you can’t afford it. I know you all don’t share bathroom stuff, but for period products maybe you can suggest that you have community products for the whole suite.

Everyone can pitch in a certain amount each month and you can pool the money together to get products for everyone to share. You all can even put them in a cute little container or special place to make it a fun idea. That way you aren’t stuck paying for the whole thing. If your suitemates don’t like that idea, I’d take your personal products and move them out of the bathroom to a place that only you can access.

Suzdg −  I am unsure why you didn’t bring it up at the suite meeting just as you did here. Perfectly fine to use the period products for emergencies, but you should not be the supplier for the whole suite. NTA.

Far_Nefariousness773 −  Nta you should definitely say something. If you don’t want to say something. Keep them in your room. I did in college, personal items are too expensive after a while.. NTA

Strange_Lady −  When I lived with roommates I had a bathroom basket with all my shower/skin care/oral health stuff that I kept in my room and a makeup bag full of feminine supplies, that I would just grab on my way to the bathroom. You only forget a cpl times and it’s a bit annoying but a lot easier to ensure no one else uses your stuff. If these items were a lot less expensive sharing wouldn’t be a problem but we all know how much this s**t costs

_s1m0n_s3z −  Keep your stuff in your room. Confrontation won’t help, much. NTA.

LissaBryan −  1. Get a lock box and keep your stuff in there.

2. Don’t bother with confrontation. This person is just like a workplace lunch t**ef. They won’t stop because they’re asked nicely. They’ll only stop when the stuff is locked away so they can’t steal it. You will be fighting this battle as long as you live there if you don’t take steps to protect your stuff.. NTA, but stop being a victim.

Background_Hope_1905 −  NTA. Your suitemate is not entitled to your things because they can’t afford it. You are not responsible to take care of others because they can’t afford it. If you want to, that’s entirely up to you and your right to decide. Talk with them.

Clear the air, and document with dorm staff should the conversation go bad. In case it is a financial issue, you are not required to care for someone just because you’re in a better place to do so. No is a complete sentence.

Do you think the Redditor would be wrong for confronting her suitemates about using her period products without asking? Would you approach the situation differently? Share your thoughts below!