WIBTA if I confront my brother for treating my 2nd home as if it was a common property?

A Reddit user is grappling with whether they’d be the asshole for confronting their brother, who treats their second home like a free hotel. Despite being owned and maintained by the Redditor, their brother and his family use the home without asking, move their belongings, and leave messes behind. The Redditor doesn’t want to cause family drama but feels disrespected and wants boundaries to be respected. Read the full story below for more context.

‘ WIBTA if I confront my brother for treating my 2nd home as if it was a common property?’

I the past few years, since having kids, my brother started using my second home without asking and barely telling me. I often learned from my parents when he would go there. My home is physically connected to our parent’s home, so I understand the point of seeing it as a “family home” rather than strictly mine. But all the goods there (the forniture, the appliances and everything) are mine, I pay the taxes, the repairs and maintenance.

He and his partner started using it as if it was a free hotel, barely telling me that they booked the flights for next year (and of course not asking before booking). Will I be the a**hole if I confront him explaining that it’s disrespectful, and even if I don’t want to create drama and prevent my parents from having time with their grandchildrens, I still ask that they respect me and my place more?

Also a list of fun facts to help you decide:

• When we were both there for holidays, they slept in my bedroom, while me and my partner slept in the guest room, so their kids could be in the same bed with them.
• The last time I went there I found their clothes in my wardrobe and my stuff moved.
• I found food in my couch, due to the kids not being properly cleaned after eating.
• They invite guests (family and friends) in my home without asking, nor telling.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

pottersquash −  INFO: You haven’t changed locks because why?

Snackinpenguin −  Yeah, that’s not okay. Especially if they knew you were going to be there, they don’t get to take over your bedroom. They get to make do with what’s left. They don’t get to invite others and pretend to host them in your house.

If this house is physically connected, I would create locks that only you have. However, I suspect your parents would want the code, and would be happy to share and code/keys with your brother. Time to set boundaries and communicate them with your brother. NTA.

Quiet_Village_1425 −  Change the locks and DONT give your parents or brother copies!!!! Give to a trusted neighbor or other relative you trust not to give them to your brother. That’s ridiculous you stayed in the guest room. Or just sell the house!!!

StAlvis −  INFO. My home is physically connected to our parent’s home, so I understand the point of seeing it as a “family home” rather than strictly mine. I’d like to hear a lot more about this. Is this one structure? Did you build an addition? “Connected” as in you can move between them without going outdoors? Did your parents used to own the whole thing?

Ok-Cheetah-9125 −  Tell him he’s being disrespectful and his privileges are on a time out then change the lock to a combo lock. That way if there is an emergency, you can give it to your parents but they can’t just give it to him.

llama_llama_48213 −  What the…??? If you own this property, you have the responsibility to declare it as YOUR PROPERTY. However, if you’re completely letting your brother just do what he wants, Reddit isn’t probably the place to ask for advice. Sign over the deed and call out done!. Grow a spine.

GirlDad2023_ −  Do you hold the deed or mortgage or does your parents? If you physically own the property, you’re NTA. If you just know you’re going to inherit it from your parents, Y W B T A H.

East_Parking8340 −  He’s trespassing – doesn’t matter that he’s family. He’s banking on the fact that you won’t do anything. Change the locks and get an alarm installed.. NTA.

Internal-Set-7591 −  NTA Your brother is taking advantage of your kindness and needs to be put in check. In addition to the disrespect and wear and tear on your house, there is a huge insurance liability issue here; if your brother, partner, child or guest is injured, they can (and probably would!) sue you! And what happens if they burn the place (and your parent’s place) down due to carelessness or unsupervised children?

There’s a lot more at stake here than just having a pissed off brother for being confronted about his misplaced entitlement! Change the locks.

Ok_Homework8692 −  INFO how is it connected? Is it a duplex or apartment attached to the home? Or is it freestanding like a cottage?