WIBTA if I called out my cousin to the whole family about the name she’s chosen for her baby?

A woman from a close-knit Italian family is conflicted about her cousin Beth’s decision to name her baby after their deceased mother. After being told by her sister Stacy that the name was meaningful to them, Beth chose to use it anyway without honoring their mother’s memory.

The woman feels a strong urge to voice her feelings to the whole family and set boundaries about the name, especially given their family’s history of avoiding their mother’s mention. read the original story below…

‘ WIBTA if I called out my cousin to the whole family about the name she’s chosen for her baby?’

Sorry for any mistakes, this is my first reddit post. I (32 F) come from a fairly large family. With my dad’s side being Italian, we’ve always been extremely close. I have two older siblings, a brother and sister, and a younger half brother. Growing up, we were thick as thieves with our cousins.

They were as good as sisters to me and my siblings. Me and my older siblings lost our Mom when I was 10 months old. My Dad was driven into a**oholism, which lead to us being put into foster care for a while. With how hard our mom’s loss hit my family, no one from the extended family ever talked about her.

No one brought her up or really mentioned her to us out of fear of sending my dad back into a**oholism. On top of all of that, we also lost our dad back in 2016. A while back, both my sister Stacy and cousin Beth (f**e names) announced they were pregnant. With Stacy having a boy and Beth having a girl.

About two months ago, Stacy reached out to Beth and asked her about baby names they’re thinking of. Beth and her husband had gone back and forth on names but the first one they agreed on was **our dead mother’s name**.

Stacy nicely told Beth that me, her, and our brother have all talked about using our mom’s name for one of our own kids. And if she were to use it, it would hurt all of us a great deal. So you’d think that would be the end of it, but no.

I imagine growing up with parents that made a lot of money and rarely told you “no” can sometimes make one lack empathy. After Stacy and Beth talked, Beth ghosted Stacy for 6 weeks.

After which, she sent me and my older siblings a group text where she stated that they’re moving forward with using our dead mother’s name. Not because they want to honor our mom, and not because it holds some family significance on her husband’s side. It’s literally just the first name the two of them agreed on.

Stacy has always been the one to speak for our sibling pack, but she’s pregnant and need to stay calm. I already dedicated myself to my Disney Villain Era, so I went up to bat for me and my siblings and bluntly responded to Beth. (If I can, I’ll post the messages in the comments cuz character limit).

I love my family, but if my dad were still alive, he’d be raising more than just hell upon my cousin. I really want to bring this up with the entire family. I want to make it perfectly clear where me and my siblings stand, and what my boundaries are. I don’t want to be at any gathering with Beth or her child.

I don’t want anyone to mention her child’s name around me. They didn’t mention my mom around us for 23 years, they can do it again. I feel bad because my uncle (Beth’s dad) has always been there for us. He got us back to our dad when we were in foster care, and he helped with all the legal s**t when our dad died.

I just don’t know if I’d be an a**hole if I brought this up before Beth announces the name to the whole family. WIBTA if I called out my cousin to the whole family about the name she’s chosen for her baby?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

No-Albatross-7984 −  I mean. Nobody owns the name, and she can name her baby what she wants. That said, you have a good reason to object. My stance on all these name arguments is, it’s pretty much common sense not to do things that are hurtful to family members.

If she is dead set on doing something she knows to be hurtful to you, she can deal with the fallout of that action.. NTA

Confident_Elk_9644 −  I really doubt you would be seeing as literally the entire family has avoided her name for years…

Wild-Shelter4082 −  INFO: Is your cousin on your mom or your dad’s side? How common is the name (is it something generic like Mary or something more unique)? NAH without more info. You’re not the a**hole for being upset about hearing your mother’s name used, but your cousin is also not the a**hole for choosing it.

Expecting the name to never be used in your presence ever again seems unreasonable to me, especially if it is a common name. However, it would be more considerate if your cousin chose something else.

NapalmAxolotl −  NTA. Normally I say no one owns a name, but I think Dead Mom’s Name is a strong exception. I’d suggest that instead of calling it out to the whole family, you should talk to just her parents about how hurtful it would be if she actually uses this name.

Once everyone knows, Beth would lose face by changing it, but if it hasn’t been publicized yet, she could just “change her mind” without it seeming like a big dominance struggle.

doozy_rue −  NTA. your cousin is so inconsiderate. I’m beyond pist off for you… I’m so sorry you and your siblings are dealing with this. for anyone else reading, when you grow up without your parents, you’re basically going into parenthood alone.

There’s no mom to be there to see how her daughter or son is doing.. no tips and tricks, or even them saying “ you use to be the same as a baby”. Sometimes the name is the only Thing that’s left for us to share this parenthood journey. totally NTA.

ruthtrick −  Is there a reason that there can’t be more than one person with the same name in any extended family?

Labelloenchanted −  YWBTA for making your demands and forbidding your uncle and other relatives to even mention his granddaughter’s name. You’re going to alienate yourself and your siblings from the rest of your family. Collette is fairly popular name that many people like. I understand your reasoning, but your cousin likes the name and has every right to use it.

You and your siblings are free to use the name for your children as well. If you start making ultimatums don’t be surprised that the rest of your family will choose your cousin and her baby. Baby trumps everything for grandparents. It would be easy for Beth to make ultimatum of her own.

You’ll accept my name and won’t tolerate OP’s demands or you’ll never see your grandbaby again. If you have issues with the name, then distance yourself, but don’t make ultimatums.

veridiux −  I think you’re blowing this out of proportion. First, it’s a name and both of your babies can have the same name, it happens a lot more in families than you would realize. I understand that the name has meaning, but you and your siblings are being s**fish.

The problem isn’t that you guys don’t want to hear that name because it hurts, the problem is you don’t want to hear that name again unless it’s your own kid… Then there’s the issue of her asking you guys about the name. She asked you guys for your validation, not your permission.

Honestly, it probably hurt her when you guys told her it would hurt and you wanted to reserve the name for your own kid. Should have just been a cute conversation about having two babies in the family with the same name.

Now, on to what matters. You guys should be excited about the new member of the family. The fact you guys are talking about practically disowning members of the family for a name is ridiculous. That’s not what a family does.

Dazzling-Landscape41 −  YTA, and don’t be surprised if you and your siblings are set aside in favour of your cousin and her child attending family events.. You don’t own a name.

You can have boundaries, but expecting others not to invite your cousin to events you attend or mention the child/it’s name in front of you isn’t a boundary, it’s childish behaviour coming from a place of hurt, but all you are doing is ostracising you and your siblings.

What do you think? Share your thoughts below!