WIBTA if I called off my wedding because my fiance does not want my son to bring his boyfriend to the wedding?

A father is considering calling off his wedding because his fiancée does not want his gay son to bring his boyfriend to the event. Despite the father being supportive of his son’s identity, his fiancée insists that her conservative family must not know about his sexuality, which deeply troubles him.

He prioritizes his son’s well-being over his wedding day, leading to a conflict that leaves him contemplating whether to go through with the marriage. read the original story below…

‘ WIBTA if I called off my wedding because my fiance does not want my son to bring his boyfriend to the wedding?’

My son was born when I was only 15 years old, and I’ve been a single dad since I was 18. It was hard living for a long time money-wise but I always tried to do best by my son. Today I own my own gym and my son is now 22 and going to college and works at my gym full-time.

He came out to me when he was 14 years old and I’ve always been supportive of him and his identity. I’ve been with my fiancé now for about 2 years and while she does come from a very deep religious and conservative family, she has never had any issue with my son – at least nothing she has ever expressed to me.

My son has been dating his boyfriend since he was 18 and I’ve gotten to know him really well. However my fiancé told me recently that she does not want my son’s boyfriend to come to the wedding nor does she want her parents to even get the inclination that my son is gay.

That if they found out, they would have a complete fit. This really bothered me because I refuse to ask my son to go back in the closet. What is going to happen in the future? When my son gets married himself? Will they want him and his husband barred from other family events?

He’s my son and will be the best man and it would be unfair to deny him a plus one because her family has an issue with gay people. When I told her this, she got very angry with me and told me that I was being s**fish and over-dramatic – that it would just be for this one day, that she wants the perfect wedding.

I told her that this was unacceptable and that I was not going to ask my son not to bring his boyfriend. It’s my wedding too and I was his boyfriend there.
After that I got the silent treatment for a day and since then it hasn’t been discussed again.

However, it has left an extremely bad taste in my mouth and has me contemplating calling the wedding off. I do not want to marry into a family that would potentially discriminate against my son. I love my fiance very much but my son will always come first.

I told my brother and he said that I was being the a**hole here – that it would just be for one day and that since my son is an adult, it’s unlikely that he would have that much interaction with his “step grandparents” in the future anyway.

I still don’t feel comfortable about the entire situation and am really thinking about calling the wedding off. Would I be the a**hole if I did this? Am I being unreasonable here?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

WitchWithDesignerBag −  Holy cow NTA. You should also seriously reconsider marrying this person. Your son’s feelings take obvious priority of the feelings of your in laws, *who aren’t even related to your son*.

fersure4 −  NTA – As a gay man I agree that you shouldn’t ask your son to go back in the closet. I believe you’re also right that it wont just be one day, it will be an issue during any family event that your future in laws and son would both be attending.

You care about your son’s well being and your wife wants her family’s bigotry to trump his well being. F**k that. Ultimately it’s your decision on what to do, but I only hope you continue to be a good father.

4evercreatureteachin −  YWBTA if you allowed your fiancee to win on this.It’s really gross and disgusting that she isn’t willing to accept your son and his partner into her/ your new family, especially at your wedding. NTA if you ended things. Not accepting your gay son (and all that comes along with it) is a deal breaker…. absolutely.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. She wants the perfect wedding. So it should be with the perfect man who would love his son unconditionally. She’s right, it won’t be the perfect wedding. So you should tell her to find someone who will give that to her.Kids come first. Always. I don’t want you to call off a wedding but man…

this could definitely be a big red flag. Like you mentioned, when your son finds a husband, is he banned from family events? Gotta hide him in the family photos? This woman should love all of you and part of you is your son. (Edited, I definitely meant NTA not “NTH” sorry all. 🙂

rotti5115 −  NTA racists, homophobes and so on have no place on earth, your son and his boyfriend does, call the wedding off…leave her, if your kids turn out gay, whats she gonna do?. Edit: love you guys

TheVue221 −  It’s not one day, it’s the rest of your life, unless you never plan on hanging with the new in-laws again. Does she EVER plan on telling them?

[Reddit User] −  You would only be the a**hole here if you asked your son to go back in the closet because she can’t handle reality. She loves herself more than you or your child. Calling off a wedding is always cheaper than a divorce.

Edit: I’ve stood up to my parents for 20 years on the things they get wrong about my gay brother. His “gay lifestyle ” isn’t a choice. They don’t deserve to have him. My brother is a beautiful human and I will abandon anyone who chooses to dehumanize him because of religion. Religion isn’t a free pass to pretend you are better than someone else.

SelfANew −  NTA When I told her this, she got very angry with me and told me that I was being s**fish and over-dramatic – that it would just be for this one day, that she wants the perfect wedding.This also applies for you. She’s being s**fish and over-dramatic. It is just for one day and you want the perfect wedding.

She should be upset with her parents. If they make a stink at the wedding, then her family is who ruined the wedding. If they can’t handle a man just being himself, then they aren’t well adjusted. I would also be reconsidering things in this situation. I wouldn’t want my kids being worried about if they’re being treated differently by family.

RusticSurgery −  As a straight man with a gay son this brought a tear to my eye. Don’t let her create this rift between you and your son! Don’t! I have little doubt **your son may forgive you but it will hurt and it is completely unnecessary!!!** Clearly, your SO thinks this is HER wedding and not OURS.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. As a parent myself, I would choose being alone to anyone treating my child like that.

Is he justified in his stance, or is he being unreasonable by considering ending the engagement? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!