WIBTA if I (41F) refuse to quit because of my husband’s (49M) job ?

Navigating career and personal relationships often requires balancing ambition with personal happiness. One Redditor, a 41-year-old woman, finds herself in a dilemma when her husband, a 49-year-old university employee, is offered a promotion that would require her to either leave her job or transfer to a new department. Though her husband is supportive of her keeping her position, a university policy is forcing the issue.

The Redditor values her career and community at the university, but her husband’s promotion could significantly change their financial situation. So, what should she do? Is it unreasonable for her to refuse to quit, or is her husband’s career growth more important? Let’s dive into the situation and hear how the Reddit community weighed in on whether it would be acceptable for her to reject resignation or if that would be seen as selfish.

‘ WIBTA if I (41F) refuse to quit because of my husband’s (49M) job? ‘ 

Expert Opinion:

Career dynamics in relationships, especially when one partner’s career trajectory impacts the other, can be challenging. Dr. Amanda Hall, a career counselor and expert in workplace dynamics, notes, “It’s important to balance career goals with personal needs, but it’s also essential to respect and consider the shared goals of a couple. Each person’s career development is vital, but neither partner should feel pressured to sacrifice their personal career satisfaction for the other’s benefit.”

Furthermore, Dr. Claire West, a relationship therapist, emphasizes that “resigning from a job one values can have emotional consequences that go beyond financial implications. Personal fulfillment is tied to career choices, and one partner’s success should not be at the expense of the other’s happiness. In this case, it’s reasonable to expect both partners to negotiate a solution that doesn’t involve sacrificing the other’s well-being.”

In the context of this specific situation, Dr. Hall suggests that the university, which seems invested in both individuals’ careers, could explore other options, such as moving the husband to a different department or restructuring the role to avoid the direct supervision overlap.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit community was split on this issue, with some commenters supporting the wife’s desire to maintain her job while others encouraged her to prioritize her husband’s career advancement. Many users emphasized that the wife’s attachment to her role was not just about the money, but the fulfillment and relationships she had built over the years. Several commenters noted that the university should have been more transparent in the initial stages and worked with the couple to find a solution that didn’t require her to quit.

Others argued that since the wife could easily transition to another similar role within the university, she should consider the bigger picture and allow her husband to advance professionally. Some even went as far as suggesting that her resistance to resign, especially when the couple was financially stable, might be detrimental to her husband’s career growth.

However, there were also strong voices supporting the idea that the wife’s happiness and career satisfaction were valid reasons to hold her ground. Several Redditors praised her for not wanting to give up her job, noting that her career was part of her identity and that she should not feel obligated to sacrifice her own ambitions for her husband’s.

This situation raises important questions about career sacrifices in relationships and how much one partner should give up for the other. While financial stability may not be an immediate concern, it’s clear that this job is more than just a paycheck for the wife—it’s an integral part of her personal satisfaction.

Should she compromise for her husband’s career, or should he be the one to adjust for her happiness? The conversation around balancing personal fulfillment and supporting a partner’s goals is a challenging one, and both parties may need to work together to find a solution that honors their individual aspirations.

What do you think? Should the Redditor make the sacrifice for her husband’s career, or does she have every right to reject the idea of resigning from a job she values? Share your thoughts below.