WIBTA for warning the Airbnb about the huge party?
A Reddit user finds herself in a dilemma as the Maid of Honor for her friend’s wedding, which is set to take place in her small rural town. When the couple decided to use an Airbnb for their rehearsal dinner without properly informing the owner about the large gathering, the user becomes concerned about potential repercussions.
With the venue’s strict anti-party policy and the risk of neighbors calling the police, she contemplates whether to warn the Airbnb owner about the event, fearing it may lead to tensions with her friend. Read the original story below.
‘ WIBTA for warning the Airbnb about the huge party?’
I live in a tiny rural town. My friend from Regional MegaCity wants to get married here. They came to visit me and fell in love with my town. This was all cool until they could not afford a venue for the rehearsal dinner, and would use the AirBnB. I offered to pay for a venue, as I can get a great deal being local and being friends with, like, a lot of this tiny town.
This caused a sort of pride thing, where friend insisted they did not need the money. I insisted that if I was going to help set up folding tables, that I needed to know the owner was okay with this, as Airbnb has anti-party language in the contract.
The owner was vaguely asked in a way that made it seem like the bridesmaids would be having high tea, not that 30+ people would be having a catered dinner. The thing is, I live here. If this blows up and the police get called, I don’t go back to MegaCity.
If I let my local neighbor know they are getting a big event and they may want to clear this up to avoid misunderstandings on the day of, am I betraying my friend? I asked my friend to clearly state this is a major event and not an assumed wedding shower with a few girls and pie plates. They told me the permission was permission and to let it go.
Now I’m nervous because as the MoH I am going to be waist deep in throwing a boozy party that is likely going to get neighbors really upset, and being that this is rural angry America, people in the Cul du Sac where the house is might actually get the event broken up by calling police. It is NOT a chill party town. Friend says nothing bad will happen and as the bride she has ordered that I never bring this up again.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
ExeuntonBear − Only you know how small your town is and how a**l and influential the AirBnB owner is. If having 30 people there will result in you being unable to buy milk without being spat on, then NTA. But be prepared to lose your MOH title and possibly the friendship as well. These are the choices.
NewtoFL2 − NTA — they are better off having the reservation cancelled and living within rules. BTW, even though AirnBnb does not allow internal cameras, many will have external cameras and will likely call the cops themselves
nordic_wolf_ − NTA. You have to live with the consequences if something goes wrong. If this was my AirBnb, I would definitely want to know if there was a party for 30 people!!
CuriousVR_Ryan − NAH but you need to frame this differently. Your goal is to help avoid a situation where the wedding event is shut down by cops. Nobody wants this. Help find a backup venue asap, explain your concern to the bride, be a hero and save the wedding.
Ok-Penalty7568 − Sorry but this made me laugh alot cause I’ve been to some fairly raucous high teas. Too many people can’t handle a couple glasses of prosecco
BlueMoon-9786 − ESH I am only giving you an ESH because I have been in similar situations where a shiny spine was required and I hadn’t developed one yet. Unfortunately, you are now going to suffer for the actions of the bride, who – reading between the lines – pressured you to make the decision to host at the AirBNB.
The liability alone here should make you nervous along with the possibility that you’ll be kicked out of the AirBNB. You need to fess up to your landlord right now and have a back-up plan in place if/when you need to move venues. If the landlord allows you to have the party, then please make sure you:
– Get party liability insurance in place (especially if you are in the U.S.)
– Have a licensed and insured bartender (and limit drinks for the night)
– Hire a clean-up crew to ensure that the property is spotless afterwards
– Explain the situation and give gift baskets to each neighbors in advance (goes a long way in a small town)
– Keep a noise decibel monitor on hand to ensure you are within noise ordinance requirements.
sdp82 − NTA. The bride definitely is though, for putting you in this position in the first place. Guess you need to ask yourself who’s opinion you value more – the people you live with every day, or a “friend” who doesn’t care that you’re going to have to deal with the fallout she’s intentionally causing?
[Reddit User] − I Think NTA but you have a lot of ego and pride here where maybe you shouldn’t. Let them be in charge and make their own mistakes and have their own consequences. You won’t be held responsible. Also I don’t know what your rural town looks like but the social temperature here in mine is very much mind your business if it doesn’t harm you. It’s a party. People have parties. It’ll be ok.
mfruitfly − NTA. You know your town, and even though I do live in a MegaCity, I can totally appreciate that if a bunch of strangers descend on a small town, the party gets broken up, and you are seen there, you might have some uncomfortable moments for awhile. Plus, even without the impact on you, respecting the home and also the neighborhood is a fine value to have.
My suggestion would be to see if someone you know in the small town could tell the owner for you, basically a friend you conspire with to tell the owner “oh ya, I heard you rented out your house for a wedding.”
Then, you can tell your friend that no, you didn’t say anything and when you were told to never bring it up again, you didn’t, but your friend did ask what you were up to on the wedding weekend and you told them you had a wedding to go to, and well, this is a small town and word gets around.
DubiousPeoplePleaser − How friendly are you with the Airbnb owner? You could try and let them know in a sneaky way, but you’d still be labeled as the AH who knew and said nothing. So yeah, you made your boundary clear and you get to uphold that boundary. 30 people isn’t an insane amount, but 30 falling over drunk people is very different from a quiet brunch. Your friends are AH for trying to pull a fast one. NTA
Do you think the user would be justified in warning the Airbnb owner about the party, or should she prioritize her friend’s wishes and stay out of it? How would you handle a situation where loyalty to a friend conflicts with responsibility to the community? Share your thoughts below!
