WIBTA for refusing to pay for my hair to be done for a friends upcoming wedding?

A Redditor, who is a bridesmaid in a friend’s budget wedding, is facing tension over the bride’s decision to have all bridesmaids pay for their own professional hair styling, despite the assumption that they would do it themselves. While some bridesmaids are unwilling to pay $150 for hair, the bride insists it’s non-negotiable. Read the full story below to see if they’re wrong for refusing to pay.

‘ WIBTA for refusing to pay for my hair to be done for a friends upcoming wedding?’

I (27f) am a bridesmaid in my friends upcoming wedding (less than a week away). This wedding is very small and a budget wedding (not judging, it’s not my day I’m just painting a picture). The bride has 6 bridesmaids, we have pretty much paid for everything ourselves.

The bride has contributed $100 towards our dresses and paid for any alterations required but we have paid the rest. Shoes, bag, jewellery etc have all been funded by myself (and yes there was a requirement for colour/style).

We are all doing our own make-up for the day and up until recently I assumed our own hair too. The bride would like soft curls which I am very capable of doing. I recently found out that the bride has booked us in for our hair to be done professionally on the day and that we are expected to pay for it. It’s going to cost us each $150 for soft curls.

Another bridesmaid who is currently unemployed contacted her about not getting her hair done and doing it herself (again very capable of doing soft curls and did her own wedding hair) as she does not have $150 spare right now around Christmas time. The brides response to this was that “getting your hair done is non negotiable”.

I am of the belief that if i am paying for it, it is absolutely negotiable. This has now cause a bit of tension right before the wedding because a few of us really don’t want to pay the money and are a little peeved that it was booked and decided before asking us if we even wanted it. Also considering what we have already paid for this wedding. Bride is insisting and we are trying to negotiate ways around it beyond just flat out refusing but it’s not going great.

A few people I have spoken to have been shocked that us bridesmaids have been made to pay for anything wedding related at all. And some others have said that I agreed to all of this when I agreed to be a bridesmaid (wasn’t actually asked but that’s another story). I’ve never been an a bridal party so i don’t actually know whats “normal” I guess. So, WIBTA if I refused to pay for and get my hair done on the day?

UPDATE: I managed to find out the hair stylist and with a little investigative work I can confirm that this hair stylist does actually charge $150 per person for soft waves for bridal events (wedding tax as without the bridal aspect she only charges $70).

I feel better knowing that I wasn’t being scammed into paying for the brides hair, however it makes even less sense why she wouldn’t let us opt out of getting our hair done. I also have compared this cost with a few other salons and she is about $50 over the normal cost for soft waves. Still doesn’t change the fact I don’t want to pay.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

FaelingJester −  Honestly I suspect she found a stylist willing to do Bride’s expensive hair/makeup for free if she had the costs covered by doing six soft curls for $150 each. She can’t let any of you back out because that money is really going towards her stuff.

LowBalance4404 −  The brides response to this was that “getting your hair done is non negotiable”. LOL. And my response would be “My lack of attendance is now a non negotiable”. When you say you’ve all paid for the wedding, are you just talking about outfits or do you mean you paid for food, etc. as well?

princesswildrosedew −  NTA. Weddings are expensive, but if the bride insists on professional hair, *she* should be paying for it. Especially if you’ve already spent so much. Soft curls aren’t worth $150 especially when you can do them yourself.

gfdoctor −  NTA. Even a bride cannot spend your money without your agreement. It sounds like multiple bridesmaids do not want to spend this sum at this time. Together they should tell the bride that they are not willing to spend this money. The bride should pick up this cost or give up her requirement.

SL8Rgirl −  NTA. If you do cave and pay for it, tell her that’s her wedding gift.

gingerlady9 −  NTA- If a bride has a specific vision and requirements, she should be paying for it. It’s normal for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, but not the accessories if they have to be specific. It’s not normal for a bride to require a hair or makeup appointment and make the maids pay for it. At all.

I’m a bride with a wedding coming up, and I’m offering to pay for hair and makeup for my maids if they want it done, but also allowing them to do it themselves if they feel comfortable enough to have it the way I am asking (up in low bun if they have long hair, or styled neatly for those who have short hair). I did talk to those who have brightly colored hair and they are willing to have their color refreshed the week before the wedding and said they would pay for it themselves.

I am gifting them necklaces, but their shoes are whatever they want (within color scheme), and they are paying for them. I don’t even care if they’ve already been worn (their dresses are floor length). I want my girls to be comfortable, especially since my MOH just told me she’s pregnant and due the month after my wedding.

You’re not being unreasonable. You can style your hair well and some people honestly can’t afford $150. That’s ridiculous. You say this is a budget bride, but she isn’t. Budget brides don’t make anyone else pay outlandish fees like this for their wedding.

Grammie1439 −  I would refuse. In this economy, she’s asking too much. I would couch it delicately. “I’m so sorry, I just can’t afford this. Would you like me to step back?”

Lacroix24601 −  NTA. She’s a bride, not your boss or your mom. She can’t demand you spend money on hair or makeup. Just tell her no, you won’t be doing that. She wants to pout, that’s a her problem. The weddings I’ve been in, I paid everything myself but I was never forced to do hair and makeup (it was offered as an option but not a demand). Also soft curls as so easy to do. I’m useless with hair and even I can do it with my automatic curler. $150 for that style is outrageous.

ActivitySensitive901 −  NTA. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. I was the maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding. While I paid 100% of the costs associated with the wedding (dress, shoes, hair, and makeup), she did give us the option of using different hair dressers or makeup artists or doing it ourselves.

Walk-Fragrant −  I bet she needs you all to pay so she is free. Also that is a crazy amount for hair for one day.