WIBTA for not deleting my sons baby pictures?

A supportive mother (45F) of a transgender son (18M) is conflicted about keeping his baby photos from before his transition. While privately looking at these pictures, she teared up over how time has flown. Her son, however, got upset when he noticed, feeling that keeping those photos disregards his identity and is transphobic.

The mother explains she would never view them in his presence out of respect for his boundaries and emphasizes that her feelings are rooted in nostalgia, not opposition to his identity. She’s now torn between honoring his wishes and preserving precious memories. read the original story below…

‘ WIBTA for not deleting my sons baby pictures ?’

My 45F son, 18M, has transitioned from a female to a male about 4-5 years ago. I ,myself, thought that it’s a little too early to start transitioning, but I didn’t say anything and decided to be supportive. After all, that’s my child!

Anyway, a few days ago, my son saw me scrolling through my camera roll and yelled at me because I was tearing up at his baby pictures, where he was still dressed extremely femininely and was obviously a girl. I wasn’t crying at it because he isn’t a girl anymore, I was crying because time flies!

He told me that by me keeping those photos as memories, I am totally disregarding the fact that he is no longer a girl and I am transgender phobic. INFO: At the time I was looking at the pictures, my son wasn’t near. I would never look at those around him because that’s a big boundary of his.

EDIT: I don’t appreciate the backlash on my son. Please keep those harsh opinions off of him. My heart was saddened by this because that is the last thing I will ever be. I have open arms to anyone and everyone.

I personally believe that it’s not fair for me to delete the photos because those are some of the only memories I have of him when he was an infant/kid. Please give me some feedback if i’m the a**hole or not, and whether I should delete them.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Finchyisawkward −  My daughter started transitioning at 18 (MTF). I still have her baby pics and enjoy looking at them occasionally, but they also make me sad because that little boy doesn’t exist anymore. I would never delete them (and she’d never ask), but I also don’t share them.

Electrical-Bat-7311 −  Nta – even if you were crying over the change, that’s allowed too. You support your son, but it’s normal to grieve what you lost too.
But what it ~~could~~ comes down to is that you’re allowed to keep your memories. You son is a young man.

18 years ago he was a baby, but that changed. Looking at baby pictures doesn’t make him a baby now. Looking at pictures when he presented a a girl doesn’t make him a girl now. I think it’s fair that he request that you not look at those photos around him because he’s allowed to be upset by them.

I think it’s unreasonable to demand you delete those photos just because they upset him. But given that he wants you to delete them rather than just keep them away from him, that’s unreasonable.

East_Parking8340 −  Don’t delete them – they are your memories. I would highly recommend you back them up though (or at least password lock your reels) some kids are a bit too entitled and won’t hesitate to resort to self help to get what they want.. NTA

OGRealityCheck −  NTA, but as they are so early in their transition, put those things that remind them of the past away for safe keeping. If you want to look at them, be kind and try not to reminense when they are present, so that they won’t feel uncomfortable. One day, they may even ask for a few of them.

marivisse −  He may have just misunderstood your reaction. I think when things have calmed down, have a chat with him, that you weren’t crying about the loss of his femininity, but were just teary about memories. That you cherish the photos because they are of him as a child, the timeline of his growing up,

which includes who he is today. Keep them, he may value them one day, but if he’s uncomfortable with them, keep them out of sight. And tell him that you’re sorry if you made him feel like you wished he were still like that little girl. Apologies go a long way to show love and acceptance.

Throwway_queer −  As a trans person, please don’t delete them. We’ll never feel okay with what we were born as but that’s not a reason/excuse to delete memories. That little human is still the human you raised today, they just made their choices as a human does that led them to a new exciting path.

It always hurts for us to have that sense of not being ‘put together’ fully and a reminder when we aren’t expecting it stings, but who they were means something as well.

He’s still young, he’ll mentally even out about things eventually, especially if he is on testosterone, he’s just going through a secondary puberty as well just the flip side edition lol

Mommabroyles −  NTA transitioning doesn’t erase their past. Keep the photos (back then up in case they get erased) just don’t look at them while your son is around. That’s more than respectful.

MistressLyda −  NTA This was fairly recent? I think every single person I within the LGBTI+ community know has been strung as a bowstring the last month or so. Some are hoping to move out of USA, several fear they have to detransition, others are planning to find ways to live in stealth,

and yeah… it does not make it right to lash out as people that supports and cares, but it might be a partial factor in his reaction.

jammies00 −  NTA. I’m a trans guy that transitioned at 18, 24 now. I get that it’s a tough spot for the both of you. Seeing my old pictures was hard at first because I wasn’t yet able to navigate that dysphoria around seeing myself as a girl.

He might continue feeling the same way he does now for the rest of his life, but I’ve gotten to a point of not caring. Maybe it’s just my prefrontal cortex merging, but I believe my mom deserves to cherish her fondest memories of us and I care about that more than the discomfort.

After all, I’m completely comfortable in my identity and facing my past is easier because of that. Definitely avoid looking at those photos and videos around him for now. I have a strong feeling that he won’t be as bothered by it in a few years as he grows up. 18 is still a teenager!

PicklesAndCoorslight −  NTA, he needs to talk to a counselor if he things forgetting his first 18 years of life is cool.

Navigating this situation requires balancing respect for your son’s identity with your emotional connection to his childhood memories. Open communication and compromise—like creating a private keepsake collection out of his sight—might help. It’s a sensitive issue, but your intentions seem rooted in love. what do you think? share your thoughts below!