WIBTA for not accepting an apology after being uninvited from an event?

A Reddit user grapples with feelings of rejection after their girlfriend, Tina, uninvited them from a music event they had planned to attend together, deciding instead to make it a “girls’ night.” Although Tina later apologized, admitting she handled the situation poorly, the user feels hurt and excluded. Now, they’re unsure whether they would be wrong to not accept the apology and to express deeper frustration over the situation. Read the full story below to see if they’re justified.

‘ WIBTA for not accepting an apology after being uninvited from an event?’

Keinemusik is playing in London in June at Gunnersbury Park. My girlfriend, Tina, is a fan and asked if I wanted to go. I said yes. She also FaceTimed her sister Yasmin to confirm she was attending. Yasmin is bringing her boyfriend Jim, and Tina’s friend Yvonne is also coming. Yasmin asked Tina to buy tickets.

During the call, Tina joked about buying four tickets but not confirming who they were for. She said, “OP and I are going, Yvonne is going—I’m not sure who the fourth ticket is for.” Over the next few days, Tina repeatedly asked me if I was sure I wanted to go. Each time, I confirmed that I did, as I enjoy their music (even if I’m not as big of a fan as Tina or her friends). I’ve been intrigued by the hype, and events like this are something Tina and I typically do together.

Today, however, her tone shifted. Tina said Yasmin had shown her a new set she thought I might not like. I reassured her I did like their music and asked if she was trying to get me to say I didn’t want to go. To my surprise, Tina admitted she’d been thinking it over and decided she’d like to make it a girls’ night with Yvonne, as they rarely get the chance to do things like this together.

I asked if Yasmin and Jim were still going, which Tina confirmed but said, “I’m not going with them—I don’t think I’ll see much of them.” I felt rejected. Instead of an open and loving conversation, it felt like she drip-fed me hints to manipulate me into not going. She could’ve said, “I’d like this to be a girls’ night—would you mind inviting a friend?” Instead, it felt calculated, and that she didn’t want me there.

What makes it harder is picturing Tina, Yvonne, Yasmin, and Jim having fun without me— and not only not missing me but *actively having arranged for me not to be there*. I actually did what Tina suggested earlier and listened to their latest set to make sure I would like it, only to be hurt more when I was temporarily made to be even more excited for the event only to then realise I had to find someone who *actually wanted to go with me*.

I also sort of don’t want to go on my own or with anyone else because I feel like I’ll be in my head about whether Tina is having more fun without me and it’ll ruin the experience. Tina has since apologised for the way she handled it and admitted that she should have just been honest and direct, but something still isn’t sitting right with me about essentially being excluded from this event.

She did say in passing that perhaps I should invite two other friends (a couple, interestingly enough she assumed they would come as an item even though we seemingly do not) and go with them, but her not wanting to spend this time with me is hurting. We do have other plans lined up—a trip in December and another event in June 2025—so this isn’t a pattern of exclusion. Still, I can’t shake the hurt, especially since I’m used to us doing things like this together.

WIBTA for not accepting this apology and making a bigger deal out of this?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

kharmatika −  INFO: Have you asked her about why she did it this way? Did she answer you? Or would this be the first time you addressed how deeply the manipulation hurt you?

nick4424 −  You don’t have to accept an apology. Especially if she hasn’t done anything to make amends.

Worth-Season3645 −  NTA…Buy your own tickets for you and a friend, (I would actually try and get better seats than her, petty me), and have a great time.

animaniactoo −  Info: Has she previously backed out or pushed you to back out of plans that you’ve made together? Does she have any history of justifying why “things make sense” when they don’t, in fact, make sense? (i.e. Jim is going so it’s clearly not a girl’s thing. She’s encouraging you to invite a couple which would basically make you a third wheel with a different group at an event that she’s also going to be at, at the same time?)

SolidAshford −  NTA, but don’t be down on going places solo. You might have fun. But yes, this is a load of bollocks uninviting you. This is very deal breaking territory. Honestly, I would uninvite her from one of the events if I could.

Sodium_Junkie624 −  NTA. Woman here. Your feelings are valid. A healthy relationship has honesty and clarity and makes yoe feel wanted.

Knightofaus −  NTA. Some people want something but s**k at communicating it. Tina is allowed to want to do things without you, but she screwed up how to organise it.  I think if you want to uninvite someone from an event you should be direct and uninvite them, but also immediately offer to make it up to them to avoid them feeling excluded. 

It changes it from “I don’t want to go out with you” to “I want to go out with you at this time instead”. The new event you invite them to needs to be of equivalent social value. Eg you can’t replace a wedding invite with a coffee invite.

incospicuous_echoes −  NTA. What’s done is done, but you may want to reevaluate your relationship and see if there’s more signs where you’re often dismissed or overlooked. To me it feels intentional almost on a gate keeping level where the four tickets were always meant to be for them, with you, the interloper, conveniently bailing at the last minute, but your gf still able to go.

BadgerBadgerer −  NTA there must be more to it, surely? Jim hasn’t been disinvited, so it’s not a girl’s night, and she’s been very shifty and deceptive about the whole thing. What makes you think she’s telling you the truth now? I honestly don’t know what you can do now, she’s ruined it for you whether you go or not, so you may as well go.

Aidyn_the_Grey −  Cancel your two planned trips. Seriously, inviting someone to an event and then trying to manipulate them into canceling of their own accord before finally disinviting them is incredibly rude, and doubly so to do to a partner like that. The sheer disrespect at hand is mind-boggling, and her excuse just goes to show she won’t fight for you as her partner. Idk how long y’all have been dating, but this would be enough that I seriously rethink my relationship if I were in your shoes OP.

So cancel your trips with her and invite some friends along. Tell her you decided these trips would be better with loyal friends, a guy’s trip, and that since it’s okay for her to j**k you around in such a way, it should be fine reversed. Either she’ll see how much she hurt you and actually try to make amends, or she’ll blow up and accuse you of being petty (admittedly it would be petty, but so are her actions). Let her know that nothing is set in stone, but it just doesn’t seem right that she gets to pull that s**t and not you.