WIBTA for canceling the AirBnB reservation a week before the trip so my MIL can’t come for the holidays?

A Reddit user is facing a dilemma about whether it would be wrong to cancel an AirBnB reservation a week before their holiday trip. The reservation was made for her, her husband, and her mother-in-law (MIL), Angie, but Angie’s behavior and her insistence on bringing her new boyfriend to the holiday trip have created tension.

Despite her MIL’s good intentions, the Reddit user feels uncomfortable with how Angie has handled the situation and is considering canceling the booking to avoid further conflict. Read the full story below…

‘ WIBTA for canceling the AirBnB reservation a week before the trip so my MIL can’t come for the holidays?’

I’m sorry this is so long!. Relevant People:. -Me. -My Husband “Paul”. -My MIL “Angie”. -My Husband’s Brother“Jake”. Angie has a good heart, but she seems to have a problem with boundaries. Angie’s relationship with Jake is tense, but Angie adores Jake’s kids.

Two years ago, my husband and I flew to spend the holidays in Jake’s town. Angie booked an AirBnB for her, me, and Paul without asking us. It was a thoughtful gesture. Money is tight for Angie, so she booked a cheaper place with only one bed and said she would sleep on the couch. Paul has a good job and we can afford to spend more. Paul asked Angie to cancel the reservation and he booked a different AirBnB with two bedrooms.

That trip was difficult. Angie’s relationship with Jake was deteriorating and she was stressed about it. She said some unkind things to me, and I felt uncomfortable in the AirBnB. This year, we are traveling to Jake’s town for the holidays. Angie offered to book the AirBnB. Paul and I had a long conversation about whether to stay with Angie. Ultimately, we decided to do it and Paul booked an AirBnB early so that Angie wouldn’t book something else.

In July, Angie visited Jake and they had an argument. Jake told Angie that he needed a break. He still lets her talk to his kids, but Angie and Jake stopped speaking. About a month ago, Angie told Paul she was seeing someone and she was thinking about bringing him for the holidays. Paul said he was not comfortable with that because: (1) she said the relationship was not yet serious; (2) he was worried about having someone new around Jake’s kids; and (3) it did not seem like a good idea for the holidays. Angie seemed to accept that.

Yesterday, Paul called Angie about something else. Angie dropped that things with her boyfriend are now serious and she is planning to bring him for the holidays. Paul told Angie that he needed to think about it. Angie pressured Paul to talk about it until Paul had to say, “I do not want to have this discussion with you right now.”

Angie mentioned that she and her boyfriend might be able to stay with her friend if Paul was not comfortable. Angie did not acknowledge the other reasons Paul had said he was uncomfortable or that Paul paid for the AirBnB.
I do not feel comfortable staying with a man I have never met, but I could make it work. Honestly, it’s not even about that for me. I’m upset about how Angie has handled all of this.

We are still able to cancel the AirBnB to get a refund. However, if Angie can’t stay with her friend (which I think is very possible because it’s the holidays), she might not be able to afford a last-minute hotel. Angie would not be able to come. WIBTA for canceling the AirBnB reservation a week before the trip? I want to cancel even if Angie says the boyfriend won’t come.

EDIT: Angie told Paul that she’s planning to text Jake about it. Paul called Jake to give him a heads up. Jake said that he did not even know she was dating someone. He agreed that it’s a bad idea, but he does not care very much about his kids meeting the boyfriend.

See what others had to share with OP:

Particular-Try5584 −  NTA, but I think it would be mature to give Angie a heads up “Hey Angie, I have until Friday to change our accommodation booking, can you please confirm by Thursday night if you are staying with us or not. Note that this is just you, Paul and I would prefer to meet your new boyfriend before committing to a week or so staying with him! Thanks!”.

Content-Plenty-268 −  INFO: why don’t you let Paul handle it and stay out of it? It sounds like he’s got this. Both her sons sound like they can handle her lack of boundaries just fine.

celticmusebooks −  Why is the relationship between Jake and Angie “deteriorating”? If she and Jake aren’t speaking that’s going to make for a pretty miserable Christmas– and throwing the new boyfriend into the mix is going to be awkward. If you cancel the Air bandb will you stay at Jake’s place?

hadMcDofordinner −  She’s planning on taking advantage of your airbnb because can’t pay for a hotel? What about the bf? Can’t he pay? She seems very willing to impose on others, when she and her bf should simply take care of themselves and not expect to be housed for free. NTA Cancel if everyone is OK with it. Otherwise, ask her to arrange something else and ask her why her bf isn’t offering to. Book and pay for a hotel for the night?

Life-Sun-6386 −  YWBTA. This is a complex situation, but here’s my take: Canceling the AirBnB feels like a nuclear option unless it’s the only way to set the boundary. While Angie has overstepped in the past and is again disregarding Paul’s clearly expressed concerns, canceling could escalate tensions and potentially strain relationships with her long-term (although things already seem very tense, so I’m not sure if there is any hope to salvage a relationship).

Instead, firmly reiterate that Angie’s boyfriend cannot stay in the AirBnB. Emphasize that this isn’t up for negotiation because Paul paid for the rental and they agreed to specific terms as a family. If Angie refuses to your terms and wants to bring her boyfriend anyway, you’re within your rights to ask her to stay with this friend or rent her own AirBnB. This sets a clear boundary while allowing her to attend the holiday without completely shutting her out.

Canceling would only feel justified if Angie continues to disregard boundaries and you feel that her presence (with or without her boyfriend) will make the trip unbearable. Ultimately though, this is about maintaining respect for yourself and your family while trying to minimize unnecessary drama.

elsie78 −  NTA. Hasshe even asked the host for your family’s holiday if she can bring a guest? Tell her if she’s coming alone she’s welcome to stay with you but if not she’ll need to find her own accommodations as you’re not comfortable with a stranger. Angie may need to realize holidays are not the time to intrusive her new boyfriend to the family. That should be done privately on multiple occasions before he starts attending holidays.

FairyCompetent −  NTA. Judging by her intent to bring a stranger to family Christmas without running it past anyone, I’d mistrust her if she says she won’t bring the bf. Do you think she would say he wasn’t coming and bring him anyway? If Angie and Jake aren’t speaking, why is Angie still visiting? Is she invited to Jake’s? Was she planning to arrive at her estranged son’s home with a man he’s never heard of without informing him? That doesn’t seem like a good plan.

Both-Mud-4362 −  NTA – but is also sounds like your husband also has a difficult relationship with Angie. And maybe need to look into LC or NC. And going forward I would just book your own place and leave Angie to figure out her own sh*t.

Jealous_Radish_2728 −  ESH. Your MIL says unkind things. You are uncomfortable with MIL. She sounds exhausting and that she will stomp over boundaries. However, why did you and husband agree to rent a place with her? You both need to grow a spine, give her a call saying you will be canceling the two bedroom Airbnb and then rent a one bedroom Airbnb for you and husband. Keep to this arrangement permanently. Angie makes her own arrangements. It sounds like everyone should be going low contact with her anyway.

Novafancypants −  Just tell her it’s cancelled and go and enjoy yourself. I don’t get why she’s even coming since she isn’t speaking with the son that lives there and is seemingly in yall last nerve.