WIBTA for canceling the AirBnB reservation a week before the trip so my MIL can’t come for the holidays?
Family holiday plans can quickly become a battleground when personal boundaries and expectations collide. I (33F) am planning a trip to my husband Paul’s brother Jake’s town for the holidays. In past years, my MIL, Angie, has overstepped by booking our shared AirBnB without consulting us, which led to a disastrous trip.
This year, we tried to avoid that by booking our own AirBnB early. However, now Angie has declared that her boyfriend—whom she’s recently made serious—is coming along, despite Paul’s objections about safety, cost, and her past behavior.
I’m upset by Angie’s repeated disregard for our input and worried that if she can’t secure alternate accommodations last minute, she won’t be able to join us at all. I’m seriously considering canceling our reservation a week before the trip. But WIBTA if I did so, even if Angie claims her boyfriend won’t come?
‘ WIBTA for canceling the AirBnB reservation a week before the trip so my MIL can’t come for the holidays?’
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “Family holiday plans often trigger long-standing tensions when one member repeatedly disregards boundaries. Cancelling an event to protect your emotional well-being is a legitimate step, especially if prior attempts at negotiation have failed.”
She adds, “When financial commitments and safety concerns are involved, it’s important for all parties to respect agreed-upon plans. If one person’s unpredictable behavior continually disrupts family events, it may be necessary to reassert your boundaries by canceling arrangements that no longer serve the collective good.”
Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman remarks, “In situations where one party’s actions consistently undermine group planning, setting firm boundaries is essential for maintaining harmony. While cancellation may seem drastic, if it prevents further conflict and protects your interests, it can be a justified and necessary decision.”
See what others had to share with OP:
Several redditors expressed support for your decision. One user commented, “If your MIL’s unpredictable behavior is ruining the holiday vibe, canceling the reservation might be the best way to protect your plans. You’re not the asshole for setting boundaries.”
Another commenter shared, “Family is complicated, but you have every right to cancel if it means avoiding a repeat of past disasters. Your holiday should be about enjoyment, not stress.”
Ultimately, your consideration to cancel the AirBnB a week before the trip stems from a need to maintain control over your holiday plans and avoid the stress of past family conflicts. While it’s a tough call that may exclude your MIL from the celebration, protecting your space and ensuring a pleasant holiday is important. This situation raises an important question: When do personal boundaries outweigh family obligations, especially during the holidays?
What would you do if you faced a similar situation where a family member’s unpredictable actions threatened to ruin your plans? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the delicate balance between family obligations and self-protection.