WIBTA for Buying a Car my SO Likely Won’t Drive?

A Redditor is facing a dilemma as he considers buying a car he genuinely loves, but knows his partner may not like driving. After years of choosing cars based on her preferences, he now wants something practical but enjoyable for himself, even if it’s a model she may avoid.

With a family minivan already available for larger trips, he sees no need to compromise this time. However, he wonders if he’d be wrong for prioritizing his own choice despite her likely disapproval. Should he finally buy the car he wants, or is it better to keep family harmony in mind? Read on to hear the full story below.

‘ WIBTA for Buying a Car my SO Likely Won’t Drive?’

41M, SO is 38F. We have three kids; 15M, 10M, 4F, and a live in BIL. My oldest is turning 16 next year and already looking forward to driving. My goal is to give him my car and pick up something cheap but enjoyable, which his brother will inherit upon turning 16.

I’m a big car enthusiast, but I don’t want to buy something nice or too powerful, just to pass it on to an inexperienced driver. We have the means, but there’s just other things to put our money towards. I’ve settled on an early 2000s 330.

They’re fairly reliable with maintenance and probably my favorite generation of BMW. Most of my driving is a long commute to and from work, or running a combination of one or more children and/or BIL to things. Never do I have everyone in my car. Our van, which my wife daily drives, is the family hauler.

Here’s where things start to bother me. We’ve been married for 15 years and together for 17. In that time, I’ve bought two cars for my primary use. She had heavy influence on what they were, even finding my current one online and taking me to the dealership to look at it.

I wasn’t thrilled, but it served it’s purpose, especially when we were young and getting finances sorted. Anyway, we were talking this weekend and she told me I need a small SUV. I don’t enjoy SUVs, and with the van, they seem redundant.

The cars I’m looking at would absolutely fill the needs of our family and still put a smile on my face. Small but practical, economical and inexpensive, while looking nice. On the other hand, she sees all sedans as impractical and uncomfortable.

I can already see her refusing to drive it or even ride in it, much as she does with my current. She constantly complains about my car and mocks me for it, and the kids have picked up in complaining about it. WIBTA if I told her to kick rocks and let me have a real say in my car, for once?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Possible-Plane-756 −  Info: Why don’t you need a car that can fit your whole family? That seems like a huge responsibility d**p on your wife. What if the van is unusable? Sounds like you are picking a car that you want without any responsibilities. And are you a mechanic? Older BMWs break down like crazy and are expensive to repair.

TamerOfDemons −  NTA you have a family van, if it breaks down you can afford to replace it, you want to pass this car down to your child. If anything you should give the kid you plan to pass it down to a say.

mall_goth420 −  INFO Have you considered that your taste in cars is only comfortable for YOU? I’ve been the kid in a family of five squeezed into a sedan and it’s not comfortable. Furthermore, have you considered that by choosing the car that doesn’t fit everyone you practically force your wife to be the family chauffeur?

Chastity-Plants −  When you get married and have kids you no longer have the option to tell a spouse to go kick rocks. You’re talking about a large expense and your partner absolutely deserves to have a say in it. 

Apart-Scene-9059 −  Info: Did you have any input in choosing her van and when is the last time she updated “her” car?

YouRGr8 −  If you have an adult conversation on the topic she would probably let you have the car you want. If you tell her to kick rocks you might end up on the couch.

Bipolar_Bear_84 −  NTA I.nfo: How regularly does she drive your car? If it’s like once a month, do what you want. If it’s a pretty regular thing then I think her giving an opinion is good but completely railroading what you want is not okay. Sounds like it’s more about control than the car. You also need to speak to her about badmouthing your vehicle (or anything else) in front of the kids.

PhysicalAssociate919 −  As a mechanic of 20+yrs, unless you do you own repairs on that old outdated (likely high mileage) 330i, you’re in for it. Maybe you had a dependable one once, maybe it’s what you read and believe, who knows, but I can tell you from MY experience (being one of about 2 ppl that will even touch a bmw in my town) I would not ever spend my money on an older bmw.

Not only is your labor rate automatically higher, your parts will be too. Again, maybe your town is different, but in mine, we order almost everything aside from maybe pads and filters. Need struts? Wait. Need sensors? It’s off autohauz online. Need gaskets? order. You have to wait, then reschedule your car because who knows how long shipping takes.

Can be 2 days, can be 20 days. So now your car gets pushed back. I can go on and on, but the bottom line is this, and I tell everyone, not just you. Unless you’re really rich and can afford the shop/dealer fees on parts and labor, don’t do it.

I see so many ppl wanna have a nice car and look like theyre living the good life, only to cry and whine when they get the estimate on what would be a simple repair. Something that costs $80-100 to do on a toyota, $500-700 on a bmw. $800-1k on a Honda, 3k+ on a BMW. Not only that, because it costs more to fix or do prev maint on, a lot of stuff gets neglected.

Can’t tell you ho many bmw’s I see come in with a ton of stuff needed done, like 20k miles ago. Just how it is, and always has been. Do yourself a favor, get an early-mid teens 4cyl Honda accord, camry, crv, or highlander. New enough to still be a relatively newer car, old enough to be affordable, good on gas, and cheap to repair on both parts and labor.

Cultural_Section_862 −  my only gripe is if she doesn’t know how to drive stick either don’t get stick or teach her how- simply bc I think she should be capable of driving your vehicle in an emergency, she doesn’t have to enjoy driving it simply be capable should you be incapacitated. other than that I say get what you want within financial reason

PayBetter −  NTA but it sounds like you need to both sit down and hash this out now or it’s going to be a sore spot forever with one of you not being happy. I say you should get the car you want because it’s what you’re going to be driving.

You also need to figure out wtf she is on about with her being so crappy about a car she doesn’t even drive. There seems to be some underlying issues here with her and it’s best to just get it settled now.

Do you think it’s fair for the Redditor to finally choose a car based on his own preferences, or should he consider his partner’s concerns again? How would you balance practicality and personal enjoyment in a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!