WIBTA for attending my university friend’s wedding if my girlfriend of 5 years is not invited?

A Reddit user is facing a tough decision about whether to attend a university friend’s wedding, knowing that his girlfriend of five years will not be invited. His friend has limited the guest list to close friends and family, which has left the user in a bind.

While he understands and respects his friend’s wishes, his girlfriend feels hurt and believes he should prioritize their relationship over attending the wedding. Now, he’s questioning if attending the wedding without her would make him a bad partner. Read the original story below to explore the complexities of this situation.

‘ WIBTA for attending my university friend’s wedding if my girlfriend of 5 years is not invited?’

Hi there, I have been due to attend a wedding of a good friend of mine I met in university. I know her and her soon to be husband fairly well. My friend has met my girlfriend maybe 2 or 3 times for drinks when we have all been out together.

Recently, my friend called me and stated that unfortunately she only wants to have close friends and family at the wedding, so my girlfriend would not be one of the people invited. I told her it’s her wedding and special day so it’s her decision who attends. I told her I will let my girlfriend know.

I told my girlfriend about this and she got really upset. Saying “you should have stuck up for me and immediately told her you are not going if I’m not invited”.

She said it would be really s**tty of me to attend the wedding without her. At this point it feels like I’m going to really hurt her feelings if I attend the wedding. On the other hand, I might really hurt my friend’s feelings if I say I’m not attending her big day. What are your thoughts on this? I understand why my girlfriend would be upset, but WIBTA for attending my friend’s wedding? Thanks

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

SliceEquivalent825 −  NTA your girlfriend is acting like a child. The day is not about her, it is about your friend and celebrating it with her. Go to the wedding and support your friend, if your girlfriend cannot understand this, it may be time to rethink your relationship.

WholeAd2742 −  ESH. This seems extremely petty. You’ve been with your GF for 5 years, this is not a sudden or unknown relationship
Frankly, it seems jealous or insecure of your “friend” to exclude her.

And likewise, it is fairly rude for her to abruptly not be allowed to attend at the last minute. It is her decision, but I also fully see why your GF would be pissed off.

bestbobever −  INFO – Is there some history of your girlfriend being excluded or otherwise not accepted by the wedding couple or friend group? Are you the only person not allowed to have a plus 1?

lowhangingsack69 −  INFO: how have you managed to both be close enough friends with someone to get invited their super exclusive wedding AND have a 5 year long relationship WITHOUT the two crossing paths enough for everyone to be close? Have you kept them apart for half a decade? If so, why? I feel like there’s more here that’s missing. 

Mikeburlywurly1 −  YTA. So is your friend. Some people are totally comfortable doing lots of major events without their significant other and not involving each other in their friend groups but…yours obviously isn’t.

Your friend damn well knows and understands that normal people expect to bring long term partners with them to things like this. And from your comments, this has clearly come up before and your gf voiced objections. She’s not being unreasonable in this.

Is this one moment break-up worthy? No, not imo. But it is very much a possible breaking point, where she’s forced to see what has clearly been an ongoing trend of her being excluded by your friends and you either endorsing it or just not standing up for her, in spite of her well-communicated objections.

And that *is* break up worthy, and you could very well find yourself single in the coming weeks or months after she takes some time to re-examine what this relationship means to her, since it doesn’t seem to matter all the much to you.

Katy_collins −  I’m on your gfs side. She is your girlfriend for freaking five years and not dating for couple of months. If you want to go then go to ceremony and some pictures like mostly but don’t attend reception? 🤷🏼‍♀️ you really need to weigh in here.

[Reddit User] −  YTA. If you were dating for a few months, I’d say your girlfriend is being unreasonable. But five years?? This woman also met your girlfriend 2-3 times. The soon to be bride is the issue here, IMO. She’s purposefully excluding your girlfriend.

Since she’s such a good friend, she should understand that what she’s doing is completely disrespectful and also sets the tone for your own future. If you decide to marry your now-girlfriend, do you really think she’s going to want this lady at her wedding after being excluded? Think ahead.

divemachine −  INFO: are you and GF in a committed relationship where you’ve talked either marriage or are cohabitating? If the answer is yes, then you are an AH if you attend without her. It is extremely rude to invite 1/2 of a long-term couple.

Missmagentamel −  YTA. So is your “friend”. A girlfriend of 5 years isn’t a plus 1. She would be a named guest. Not inviting long-term relationship partners is bad manners.

Key-Flatworm1578 −  Info: How is it that you and this couple and your girlfriend have been together for 5 years and yet she has seen them 2-3 times during all this time? Kind of like you or they were purposely exluding her this whole time.

Maybe I’m the only one, but it seems kind of rude to me in the situation of such a long, and I assume serious, relationship. There are still many couples where the plus one is the person with whom you have been with for years, not months or weeks, and is not invited?