WIBTA for asking my roommate to not have his family over anymore?

A Reddit user shares their frustration with their roommate frequently hosting extended family in their shared 2-bedroom apartment. While the roommate sacrifices his room for the guests, the noise from young children, including a baby, has disrupted the user’s sleep schedule, especially given their shift work. After multiple sleepless nights, the user is debating whether it’s fair to ask their roommate to stop hosting family overnight or if they should just find alternative solutions like booking a hotel. Read the full story below…

‘ WIBTA for asking my roommate to not have his family over anymore?’

I (23M) live in a 2b2b apartment with my roommate (24M) whom I’ve been friends with for years. He has just had his extended family over for a third time in the last 6 months. This time it was 2 adults + a child (5) and a baby (6 months). My roommate gave his room to his guests and set up an air mattress in the living room. I work shift work, and I’m a light sleeper.

Yesterday I planned to wake up at 4:30am for work but the baby was crying at around 3am and after trying to fall back asleep for an hour I gave up around 4 and started my day. The next night I went to bed around 9pm but they were up with the children until around 11. I tried to fall asleep in my room wearing earplugs but I honestly couldn’t until they all went to sleep. Now again the baby has woken me up before my planned wakeup time, and I’m really feeling the sleep deprivation.

WITBA for telling him no next time he asks if his family can stay over? Or should I just book a hotel room for myself the next time he wants to have guests (I’m really considering this). I feel bad because his family is super kind, my roommate is really kind and he is just trying to be hospitable, going so far as to sacrifice his room to welcome his guests.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

HowlPen −  NTA Since you’ve said yes in the past, you’ve given this a fair try. It just simply is too disruptive to your sleep schedule. You won’t be approaching your roommate with anger- you sound regretful that it didn’t work. But it didn’t, you need to be able to sleep to function well on your job, and that is a very valid reason to say no. I would tell him now so he doesn’t assume a yes from you based on past experience and extend an offer to family to stay with him. 

tatersprout −  NTA. No, you aren’t the a**hole for wanting to sleep undisturbed in your own apartment. It’s a reasonable expectation that any guests respect the people they are staying with.

First of all, that’s too many people. Any guests (and the people who live there) should be sleeping in a bedroom and not the living room. You should be able to go about your normal life, and that includes sleeping. Same for your roommate. They shouldn’t be disturbed by any guests you may have. Your roommate’s family needs to get a hotel room or an air bnb next time.

Useful_Context_2602 −  NTA, you’re not running a guesthouse. You’re renting an apartment with one person with the reasonable expectation that bar a boyfriend/girlfriend a couple of times a week, there shouldn’t really be overnight guests, and certainly no kids.

AgeBeneficial −  Check your lease, might be violating the terms with overnight guests.

East_Parking8340 −  The problem is, although you RM and family are kind, nice…, it’s your home too and their visits impact your work life and have the potential to be the root cause for a mistake you make.
You need to sit down with your RM and discuss the fact that not only are they taking advantage of both of you but it also impacts your sleep patterns and work life. The only people who shpuld stay at a hotel are the family, not either of you.. NTA.

pensaha −  Three times in 6 months is cramped quarters is not ideal. They are the ones who need to get a hotel room. One or two guests at the most, preferably adults. And not every time you turn around. NTA. As to the 11 am noise, nothing would have been wrong politely asking them to be quieter, due to your work hours. If you escape to a hotel, that too will send a message you are escaping them.

concretism −  They might be kind, but having four guests stay in a shared home is super inconsiderate. Part of the trade-off of saving on rent with a roommate is being unable to be a full-time host. Even having a single guest semi-regularly is something a thoughtful roommate will discuss before establishing a routine. I wouldn’t get a hotel room. You pay rent and want to avoid establishing the expectation that you will take on costs for your roommate’s guests. They need to get a hotel room while in town.. NTA.

FairyFartDaydreams −  NTA but don’t wait until next time. Talk to your roommate now. Tell him you love his family BUT because of your shift work and light sleeping habits you cannot get enough sleep to function at work or even drive.

LaceRogue395 −  NTA. As a toddler parent who traveled a bunch with a baby, the parents are being inconsiderate. They should get a hotel or air BNB. Babies take over space, it’s not their fault but it’s a fact. You’ve been more than accommodating in trying this three times in a 6 month period, but it’s time to talk to your roommate and hammer out fair rules about houseguests and quiet hours.

SavingsRhubarb8746 −  NTA. The two people who are renting both should be able to enjoy their space comfortably, and that can’t happen if one of them has multiple overnight visitors 3 times within 6 months. It is also unreasonable for you to have to book a hotel room for yourself when you have a perfectly good apartment to live in.

Tell your roommate that you can’t have so many guests so often because the noise is ruining your sleep – and it’s so hard to get good sleep when you are working shifts. Agree on a compromise – the frequency should go right down, any guests should be quiet after 9 PM due to your shift schedule – and maybe a limit on the total number of guests? Four is a LOT for a two-bedroom apartment that already has 2 occupants.