When Trust Breaks Beyond Repair: The Devastating Aftermath of a Paternity Test
In the realm of marriage and trust, some wounds cut too deep to heal. A recent story that’s gripping readers online reveals how quickly a seemingly solid marriage can unravel when suspicion takes root. What began as a husband’s request for a paternity test has spiraled into an impending divorce, leaving a young family fractured and a mother wondering how everything fell apart so quickly.
The tale resonates deeply because it taps into primal fears about trust, identity, and family bonds. As this woman discovered, sometimes the truth doesn’t set you free—it merely confirms that the relationship was built on shakier ground than you ever imagined. Her story serves as a sobering reminder that sometimes the real test isn’t about DNA at all, but about what happens after the results come in.
For those who want to read the previous part: When Trust Falls Apart: The Paternity Test That Nearly Broke a Marriage
‘UPDATE: AITA for not agreeing to a paternity test unless my husband goes to therapy?’
This is not a great update. If you don’t want to read it all, the bottom line is we’re heading toward divorce.
I took some of the commenters’ advice to go to couples therapy, which we did that same week as my first post. I had to push him a bit to get him to agree to the therapy but I told him it was either this or I would never give in to the test.
The first zoom session was a little awkward since neither of us had ever done therapy before. After listening to both of us, she basically said that she thought we should do the test to see if that eases his anxiety, and that if it doesn’t (which, at the time. was my concern) that we could go from there. So my husband was thrilled and I agreed but I wanted to be on Zoom with the therapist when we received the results so we could talk it out with her there, which he was fine with.
So we do the test and we did our Zoom session when our results were in. And surprise, surprise, the paternity test says he’s 99% likely to be the father.
He didn’t appear relieved or happy or anything of what I expected. Maybe this was unfair but I did expect him to cry and maybe apologize to me for his lack of trust. This wasn’t just my imagination though because when the therapist asked him in our first session how he would feel if the test came back saying he was the father, he said he would feel relieved. But he was angry. He kept saying that it was over and that he didn’t want to talk about it. He kept repeating “its done” over and over when the therapist would try to ask a question about how he was feeling and he was obviously not listening when I tried to talk about my feelings. And when I told him I wanted to talk about it, he yelled at me (which he NEVER does) “What else is there to f**king talk about?” I was mortified that he was talking to me this way in front of a therapist and she said we should schedule a new session once he “had time to process.”
After the session, he wouldn’t look at me or speak to me. That he was so upset that he WAS our wonderful son’s father made me absolutely lose my mind. We screamed at each other and it ended with me saying that I can’t do this anymore. He’s at his brother’s apartment now (finally away from our son, which is obviously what he wanted all along) and my mom is now staying at my place go help me out around the house. I texted him this weekend asking if he wanted to do another therapy session and he asked if I really thought that would help and I had to admit that I didn’t.
The speed at which this whole thing happened (just a month ago, I would have said we have a happy marriage!) is still completely shocking to me. But I don’t see us recovering from this. This felt cathartic to type out though so thanks I guess.
This situation highlights several critical psychological dynamics that often emerge when trust fundamentally breaks down in a relationship.
Dr. John Gottman, renowned marriage researcher and founder of The Gottman Institute, has identified what he calls “The Four Horsemen” of relationship apocalypse: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. “When we see the kind of sudden withdrawal and refusal to engage that this husband demonstrated after receiving the paternity test results, we’re witnessing classic stonewalling behavior—a sign that someone has emotionally checked out of the relationship,” he notes.
Research from the Journal of Family Psychology suggests that when paternity questioning occurs in otherwise stable relationships, it often masks deeper issues. Dr. Esther Perel, psychotherapist and bestselling author of “Mating in Captivity,” explains: “The paternity test request was likely never about the child’s biological origins, but about something entirely different—perhaps a desire to exit the relationship, unprocessed trauma, or a profound identity crisis. The test was merely a symptom, not the disease.”
The timeline of this case—from seemingly happy marriage to impending divorce in just a month—points to what therapists call “emotional flooding,” a state where one partner becomes so overwhelmed by negative emotions that rational thinking becomes impossible. Dr. Julie Gottman observes that “When one partner experiences this level of emotional flooding, the body enters fight-or-flight mode, making productive conversation virtually impossible.”
Mental health professionals would also note the concerning nature of the husband’s reaction to confirming his paternity. Dr. Scott Stanley, research professor and co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, points out that “When someone reacts with anger rather than relief to positive news, it suggests they may have been unconsciously hoping for a different outcome—perhaps one that would justify leaving the relationship without taking responsibility for the decision.”
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
filkerdave − I’m sorry it turned out like this.
I have a feeling he has some deeper issue and he was never going to accept any answer other than “he’s not the father” because he’s got it in his head now. I hope he gets the help he needs, and I hope you find peace in your future.
Spoonbills − [u/hesthefather](https://www.reddit.com/user/hesthefather/), has your husband seen a doctor recently? A massive shift in personality and mood could be something very serious, like a brain tumor.
I know it’s a long shot, but having a marriage crumble in a single month is very sad and not normal.
FirstFarmOnTheLeft − I think he already wanted to end the marriage for whatever reason, and the paternity thing was just a ruse. He probably figured either you’d be so outraged that it could send you two into a downward spiral in which you’d look like the bad guy for refusing to do the test, or, maybe there was some chance he wasn’t the father and he could then feel righteous in his reasoning for leaving you.
Now, he’s acting like such an a**hole that you want to leave him, so, I think he wants your marriage to end but doesn’t have the spine to do it properly.
sarah-goldfarb − Like you have already concluded, it sounds like he doesn’t want to be the father. He is probably having a affair and was hoping you were too so he could leave you and be guilt-free.
JudgeJed100 − I’m afraid your right
For whatever reason, your husband has got it into his head that he isn’t your sons father, and nothing will change that in his head
I don’t know if it’s because of some anxiety issue
Or if he met someone else and was hoping to go into the relationship with as little baggage as possible
But for whatever reason, your husband cannot he happy while knowing he is your sons father. I hope he gets some help
And I hope you and your son have a good life
SFJayson − Your husband has revealed his true self to you and you made the correct decision to leave him. And odds are he was merely looking for an excuse to leave the relationship, hence his childish reaction to the confirmation he is the father.
I’m sorry you’re going through this now but the good news is you and your son will be in a better place without him.
ASixDemonBag − Yikes. It sounds like you didn’t have a great therapist to begin with. The fact that the therapist caved immediately to offer up a paternity test without trying to figure out the root cause of the Des ire period it should have been couples therapy and individual therapy and going from there.
Clearly there are underlying issues and you are taking the best course of action
notapanamanian − I am sorry your husband still insists to be like this and I feel you did made the right call on the therapy. I still found very weird that after everything and confirming it was his child he still denies it, probably he just wanted to find an excuse to leave the relantionship. I wish you the best of luck and happiness OP.
HelenDamnnation − I am so very sorry you’re stuck with this terrible situation.
His reaction kind of makes it sound like something like this may have happened:
1. He feels miserable all the time (there are many possible causes for this, including mental illness, but simply being an a**hole of a person will do it with no mental health problems whatsoever)
2. He feels miserable that he feels miserable all the time
3. He decides he’ll feel less miserable if he can assign blame to someone or something not him for feeling miserable
4. He casts around for something/someone to blame, and makes up the paternity doubt as an excuse. Eureka! That explains his misery! And it proves it’s not his fault he’s miserable! Because that is a good reason to be miserable!
5. Not only does he now have proof in his mind that it’s not his fault that he’s miserable, he has a path to a solution! Because if the paternity doubt is why he’s miserable, that can be fixed! He’s going to stop feeling miserable! Let the bells ring and the banners fly, an end is in sight!
6. So he starts agitation for the “solution”. He gets angry when it is pointed out that all of this is imaginary nonsense, because that puts him back to not having something to blame for his misery or a plan for how to stop being miserable.
7. He succeeds in getting people to agree to his “solution”. He is certain it will fix everything, because he is invested in believing that this whole imaginary scenario is real and fixing it will fix him. He is sure he will feel relieved to get confirmation that his son is his, because he believes (erroneously) that he is rational. He has also by this time spent a lot of time pondering his belief that his son is not his and what he will do about that and believes what will happen is that he will be a wounded martyr hero everyone will gather around to support while taking pitchforks to that evil hag that did this to him. He believes that while what this will do to his life is terrible, he is about to feel great as he slays an evil dragon and everyone lauds him as a true hero and women flock to kiss his noble wounds.
8. You get the test results. Being told his son is his son doesn’t make him feel at all relieved or better as he thought, because he lied to himself that this imaginary scenario was the cause of his misery and fixing it would fix him. It didn’t. Instead he felt very, very angry that he wasn’t getting his “hero slaying the evil dragon and everyone applauds” fantasy. He’s furious. Try to recall that the “dragon” is you and your son, who he has built up as the enemies to defeat in order to make himself forever a great and tragic wounded hero forever deserving of all praise and coddling by the women who will come to tend his noble wounds. That future is vanishing before his eyes.. 9. You get the behavior you saw.
llandru − I think you’re right, it’s over. Sorry.
Hubby has serious problems, and therapy isn’t making a dent. By the way, I could have predicted that the test would not make him feel better,
He probably needs individual therapy. A psychiatrist would probably be a good idea.. Good luck to you.