What’s the point of moving on after wasting my (37/f) youth and fertility waiting on my husband(m/36)?
A Reddit user (37F) is struggling with the decision to leave her 10-year marriage to her husband (36M). Over the years, she has invested deeply in the relationship, but it has been marked by significant issues, including her husband’s drinking problem, infidelity, and lack of alignment on life goals, including starting a family.
After dealing with personal fertility struggles and being let down by her husband again, she feels devastated and conflicted about leaving after investing so much time and energy. She is looking for support and advice on whether it’s worth walking away or trying to move forward. Read the original story below to dive deeper into the complexities of this relationship and hear other perspectives on this tough situation.
‘ What’s the point of moving on after wasting my (37/f) youth and fertility waiting on my husband(m/36)?’
How long can I (f/37) stay in my 10 year marriage to husband (m/36)? I think I (f/37) am finally ready consider leaving my tumultuous 10 year marriage to my husband (m/36). I have deep anguish and pain when I think about how I have poured all of my love, energy and efforts into my husband. I have always felt like I have been more committed and have much more invested into my marriage than my husband has been.
In fact over the past 10 years the issues I have dealt with are as follows:
– husband has never been aligned with me regarding similar timelines or goals
– husband has had an unchecked drinking problem for most of our marriage
– husband cheated on me with at least 20 women including a relationship with a 19 year old college student in 2019.
– husband was not ready to have children when we married at 30. He started resenting me when I asked to start trying until he started cheating on me when I was 32.
– I have waited and waited and now my fertility has run out as we finally started TTC when I was 34. I then had two back to back ectopics. Now I am tubeless and need IVF. I am 37 now and this year as I was getting ready to do an embryo transfer I caught my husband drunk texting his ex affair partner, the college student. Now he says we cannot go forward with ivf as we have “marriage problems.”
My head is spinning as I wanted to be a wife and mother so badly!! And it’s all slipping through my fingers and I wasted the past 10 years giving everything up for him. I know I need to leave but like…what’s the point after I gave up my youth and fertility waiting on him??? What will I get now? Please give me the strength to walk away. 😭😭😭
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Tall-Ad9334 − Please don’t have a baby with this man. There are literally 4 billion other men in the world. You can find a much better one. 🙂
ImOKyoureOKtoo − You can divorce anyone at any time for any reason. Lots of people get divorced for way less than you’ve written here. If you looking for permission, I hereby grant it.
ForkingAmazon − Look at the sunk cost fallacy. The sooner you walk, the sooner your life is yours again. I wanted a house full of kids. I have one, and leaving my ex was the best decision I ever made.
Careless-Bread-8393 − The only regret larger than leaving after ten years is waiting until ten years and one day.
somethingpeachy − New year new life. Cut your losses and start over, 37 is still very young. You’re holding yourself back from happiness by staying in a toxic relationship that’ll only get worse.
RamKay33 − Gave up your youth? You’re still young and it’s all ahead of you!! It’s never to late to change
ShelfLifeInc − what’s the point after I gave up my youth and fertility waiting on him??? What will I get now? Getting to spend the rest of your life free from an a**oholic husband who doesn’t respect you and whom you actively resent. You still have a chance to be a mother. You still have a chance to be a wife. But if nothing else, being free of this marriage will be worth it.
TopRamenisha − You can still be a wife and mother even if it is not with him. You can be a mother without being a wife. There is still time for you to find someone who loves and respects you and treats you the way you deserve.
You don’t deserve to get cheated on, and your future children deserve to have parent(s) who are committed to raising them in a happy and healthy home. It sucks to feel like you wasted so much time on someone. But please don’t fall into the sunk cost fallacy and choose to waste your future on him as well.
You have so much life ahead of you – 60 more years if you are lucky! You do not need to spend 60 more years with this man just because you gave him the last 10. The sooner you leave him, the sooner you can find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated! Don’t waste another minute with this l**er
BeachMom2007 − You move on because you can have all of that without him but you will never have it if you stay. 37 is still young.
wemblewobble − We can’t tell you what you’ll get if you leave. But if you stay, it’s pretty much a guarantee he’ll continue to abuse alcohol, cheat at every opportunity and continue to give zero fucks about you. The solution to wasting 10 years is not to waste another 60.
Do you think the Reddit user’s pain is justified, and what would you advise someone in her position who feels like they’ve sacrificed so much for their partner? How would you find the strength to move forward after years of commitment? Share your thoughts and support in the comments below!