“We listen and we don’t judge” trend prompted my (24f) husband (38m) to reveal a cruel two year long “prank”. How can I learn to start trusting him again?

A Reddit user (24F) shares the devastating revelation that her husband (38M) sabotaged her computer two years ago to stop her from playing games with her siblings. The confession came during a TikTok-inspired “we listen and we don’t judge” trend, where he admitted to making her computer almost unusable so she would spend all her time with him.

Despite being married for six years, this betrayal has left her feeling hurt, manipulated, and questioning what else he may have done. Now, she’s searching for ways to rebuild trust and move past this violation. Read the full story below to understand her emotional struggle and her desire to heal.

‘ “We listen and we don’t judge” trend prompted my (24f) husband (38m) to reveal a cruel two year long “prank”. How can I learn to start trusting him again?’

My husband saw TikTok videos this week about couples saying “we listen and we don’t judge”, then revealing something bad or funny they do behind their partner’s back. He pressured me to participate because he said he had something very funny to admit, but I had to go first to justify his.

When it was his turn, he told me he removed(?) things from my computer to make it very slow and almost unusable… Two years ago. In 2022, my computer suddenly started running like garbage and I could never figure out what was wrong.

I primarily used it for school and playing online games with my siblings because I don’t live close to them anymore. Now I can hardly browse the Internet, let alone play games on it. I couldnt afford a new computer because only I am working right now. He told me it would take him only a minute or two to fix whatever it is he did, but he just never wanted to.

When I asked him why he would do that, he said it’s because I should spend all my time with him and he didn’t like that I would play games a few times a week. My feelings are very hurt right now, and I’m having a hard time believing anything he says now.

How can I get my mind off this and stop distrusting him? We have been married for 6 years and I’m so stressed about what other things he might have done to manipulate me. How do people generally get over betrayals of trust like this?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

knifebaby −  This is extreme manipulation, not a prank. Also, it is disturbing behavior from a man 14 years older and who you are currently supporting. He doesn’t respect you. You don’t need to I’m learn to trust him, he doesn’t deserve it at this point.

WifeofBath1984 −  This is controlling behavior. I’m ngl, I’m disturbed by the fact that you were 18 when you married a 32 year old man. Unfortunately, it really isn’t all that surprising that he is controlling like this. It isn’t a harmless prank. It’s a massive red flag.

Traeyze −  When I asked him why he would do that, he said it’s because I should spend all my time with him and he didn’t like that I would play games a few times a week. So it wasn’t a prank. It was him sabotaging your ability to use your computer because he didn’t like what you were doing then allowing it to go on for over 2 years where he was lying [and basically g**lighting] you about it.

The sad part is that part of his lie involved him saying the reason he wouldn’t help despite it being a quick fix is just he didn’t want to. Even his lie frames him as a s**t partner.

Baffling but entirely in line with the implication you were 18 or younger when you got together with a man in his 30s. He may have married you, but that treatment is not a sign of respect or care and likely more of your relationship is based on him being toxic than you hope.

imyourkidnotyourmom −  He only broke my phone so I couldn’t call people, how do I get over this?  He only was jealous of my siblings and didn’t want me spending any time with them, how do I get over this?!

He only broke my legs so I wouldn’t leave, how do I get over this?  He only doesn’t work so I’m constantly working and exhausted so I don’t have time to see all the red flags in our relationship, how do I get over this? He only stole my passport so I can’t get away, how do I get over this? He betrayed you in a horrific way and feels zero remorse. Why are you trying to get over that?

FlamingoDream −  You were 18 and he was 32 when you got married which means you were god knows how old when you started talking. Ew. 

henicorina −  I am begging any young women reading this to stop and think when they are being pursued by much older men. These men are specifically targeting you because, due to inexperience, you do not have clear boundaries or senses of what is normal and acceptable in a relationship.

They do this because they want a partner they can manipulate and control. PLEASE pay attention to this huge red flag in the early stages of dating so you don’t end up married to a controlling c**ep.

Fun_Orange_3232 −  I know people get mad when we say “age gap,” but doesn’t it always seem to go the same way.

Unhappy_Job4447 −  “We listen we don’t judge”. I think your husband is a p**ck. Your turn!

PleaseCoffeeMe −  You’re supporting him, how long has he not been working? You have bigger problems than trust. This case, listen and judge, be very very judgy.

Not-nuts −  You don’t,  you leave 

Do you think the husband’s two-year “prank” was a sign of deeper manipulation, or can this be worked through with communication and trust-building? How would you handle a similar betrayal from a partner? Share your thoughts and advice below!