We (Husband 32M & Me 26F) have been told by his brother (37M) and SIL (30s) that we should supply all xmas gifts for the kids due to our lack of kids?

A Reddit user (26F) shared her frustration after her husband’s (32M) brother (37M) and sister-in-law insisted that the couple should buy Christmas gifts for all the children in their large extended family simply because they don’t have kids. The situation escalated when the family criticized their decision to decline, even suggesting they skip Christmas gatherings. Read the full story below:

‘ We (Husband 32M & Me 26F) have been told by his brother (37M) and SIL (30s) that we should supply all xmas gifts for the kids due to our lack of kids?’

My husband has a very large family, in total I think his Father has 8 brothers/sisters. They all got married and had 2-6 children each. Now all their children are grown up and starting families as well. We are looking at easily I believe 15 children in the family as of right now. We all get together for Christmas every year at his Grandparents house… sounds great right? Right.

Normally after Thanksgiving or on Thanksgiving which they also all get together for we pick names for the children’s gift swap. There is also a men and women gift swap which my husband and I who do not have children join in on. Now… to give you and idea of how the gifting has been the last 10 years.

Husband and I would buy gifts for his parents, his brother and wife and their 4 kids. Great, awesome. Works fine. Last year they said they would rather we just bought gifts for the kids, so we did. Same thing we’d always gotten them books at their reading level, PJs, and puzzles of some kind.

They were upset but we couldn’t place why, we also didn’t get any gifts at all which we didn’t comment on but my Husband admitted he was a bit hurt to get nothing from his parents vs his brother and sister in law getting gifts. I am not a super social person so I spent most of thanksgiving reading a book and watching one of the youngest cousins sleep.

Eventually we all gathered up so the kids could draw names of their cousins for the gift swap. They finished that up and then husband’s brother who we’ll just call Timmy says “And uncle Husband will buy all the kids a gift too!”. Que my husband and I giving him looks of ‘da f**k and f**k you’. We laughed and said “oh no haha we’ll just be bringing the candy again this year.”

His brother then started in that we should buy all of the children gifts since we have none. And that it wasn’t very christian of us to not bless the children with our good fortune. My husband at this point pulled him aside into the kitchen and told him he wasn’t buy all of the cousins gifts, and if he wanted to he was welcome to.

They started to argue and Timmy yelled that we shouldn’t come to xmas anymore. I handed over the baby, we left said we’d email them about it later when they calmed down enough to talk like adults. I’d just like someone else’s view point.

My husband is really upset and his parents are agreeing with Timmy that we should be giving more gifts since we have no one to buy them for but kids now, he threw the fact that we get no gifts from anyone at them and they said we were adults now and ‘xmas if for kids’.

He pointed out they gifted Timmy and his wife things still but they said that ‘we’d already bought it, might as well’. But I have been shopping with his Mother and she bought gifts for Timmy’s wife Candy again this year already.

I’m frustrated and feel like no one is handling any of this well and i want to step in and help my husband but I want someone else to look at this mess before I do anything other than listen and offer suggestions of using “I feel ____ when you ____” to his parents.

See what others had to share with OP:

[Reddit User] −  Holy crap, what a bunch of selfish and manipulative people! That’s the most ridiculous suggestion I’ve ever heard. Now, i don’t know if you’re child-free, not at that stage in your life yet, or have been trying but haven’t conceived…but it doesn’t freaking matter. Just because you don’t have kids doens’t mean you have to buy presents for everyone else’s kids.

That’s insane. I don’t even know how anyone would justify that, honestly. If it comes up again, ask them to explain why they think that’s an appropriate thing to ask, and state that while you are glad to have all your nieces and nephews, you don’t think it’s reasonable for you to be expected to buy them all gifts.

Ask if they are going to get you a present from every one of your nieces/nephews.
If they bring up that “you’re not being very Christian” BS, remind them that true Christianity is not about stuff, it’s about love…not cheap crap from Walmart.

El_chapulin-colorado −  They sell kazoos in bulk on Amazon for under 6 bucks. It’s the gift that keeps on giving!. Don’t forget to encourage the kids to play them as often as possible to develop their musical skills, after all music helps kids with math or whatever.

shelbyknits −  So….you’re supposed to buy gifts for 15 kids since you don’t have any? And you get kicked out of Christmas if you don’t? Sounds like it’s time to start a new tradition that doesn’t involve insane relatives. Maybe a cruise. Cruises are nice.

[Reddit User] −  You could make a donation in the kids’ name… like one of those charities that gives a goat or something. You don’t have to disclose exactly how much. Then sit back and watch your family members squirm; they won’t be able to guilt you over “Christian generosity”.

thebabes2 −  And that it wasn’t very christian of us to not bless the children with our good fortune. I think brother needs to sit in on church a bit more often. If anything, we are advised AGAINST materialism! Giving, of course, is encouraged but not for the purpose of greed. Gift giving is an act of goodwill, not obligation.

If he’s all about spreading fortune and goodwill, let him know that you made 4 donations to Toys For Tots in the honor of your nieces and nephews. edit: more than 4! Holy cow. Yeah, they are insane. Jerks. These people are awful, definitely don’t capitulate here. His parents are so, so wrong for taking sides on this.

RememberKoomValley −  Unchristian? You know, I’ve read the Bible cover to cover repeatedly, and Jesus doesn’t talk about Christmas presents in it _anywhere._
Don’t bow on this. It’s not your job to buy stuff for other people’s kids.

glitterandpearls25 −  Okay, to get this straight- your In Laws got your BIL and SIL gifts last year but not you and your husband? That’s incredibly rude. It’s also incredibly rude for your BIL mentioning something about the 2 of you buying gifts for FIFTEEN kids in front of them? He was basically attempting to manipulate the 2 of you into buying the kids gifts because he figured you wouldn’t say no in front of the children.

If your history has been to consistently only buy gifts for your In Laws and BIL and SIL and their kids, there is NO reason to expect that you would buy gifts for the other 11 kids. You and your husband need to discuss this issue with your BIL because it’s a stupid reason to be uninvited to Christmas.

Just mention that you are going to do what you’ve been doing for the last several years, and only buying presents for the smaller group within the family. I would not give in when it comes to this issue,

because it will show BIL that he can continue to use the family’s children to get you and your husband to do things that you didn’t necessarily want to do. And in reference to the ‘Christian’ thing to do. The Christian thing to do is not even to exchange gifts, since that’s not necessarily the point of Christmas, in all honesty.

The point of the gift exchange is to make sure that none of the families have an unnecessary burden placed on them by having to buy gifts for every person/child in the family. I hope this all works out, because it seems like a petty thing for your BIL to get so upset about and try to uninvited you from Christmas.

deaniebop −  it wasn’t very christian of us to not bless the children with our good fortune. Dear Bil and SIL, we thought about what you said and decided to be more Christian in our giving this year. We have therefore decided to give all the money we would have spent on presents for our already very fortunate family to an orphanage/homeless charity in your name. God bless and merry Christmas!

penguinsail2603 −  That’s beyond greedy. I don’t have kids, I’ve never heard that I should buy other people’s children gifts because of that

teresajs −  That’s messed up. You shouldn’t have to give gifts to all of the kids. Those kids sure as heck aren’t giving you gifts. And, let me tell you, I don’t know *any* middle class kids who need MORE presents, not one. Stop giving gifts to any of those people. Instead donate money in their names to a worthy charity (food pantry, homeless shelter, etc…) and give them a card detailing the donation.

Balancing family expectations during the holidays can be challenging, especially when fairness and traditions are in question. Is it reasonable for this couple to be singled out for not having children, or should the family approach gifting more equitably? Share your thoughts below.

For those who want to read the sequel: