**UPDATE**My wife had a mental breakdown when I left her with the kids.?

A Reddit user shared an update about his wife’s struggle with emotional recovery after the birth of their second child. In his initial post, he was concerned about the stress he may have added to his wife’s situation by leaving her alone briefly with their kids. This update dives deeper into their journey as a couple, including past challenges, healing from a near-divorce, and the painful experiences of previous losses and generational trauma. Read the full story below.

‘ **UPDATE**My wife had a mental breakdown when I left her with the kids.?’

So… a lot of people saw my last post. I mean a LOT 😅 and too many people commented to get to every comment and respond. I apologize for that and I thank you all for the supportive words 😊 I do not, however, appreciate any slander towards my wife.

For a little context, I felt like TA because I made my wife cry while leaving her with the kids, regardless of her telling me that it was a) only for a trip to the bathroom, and b) necessary for me to sleep in our own bed. Secondly, I currently have 6 weeks off of work for child bonding so work is no sweat as of now.

Thirdly, whomever commented that we should take shifts, you all get cookies! We discussed taking shifts starting tonight with me taking the night/early mornings. And finally, there is a whole host of backstory on why we’re both a bit emotional.

This is our second child, but our third pregnancy. Niff, our daughter, is our rainbow baby who we thought we wouldn’t have. Not just for the reason mentioned, but we nearly divorced two years prior in a particularly n**ty way. A commenter found one of my previous posts and asked why I stayed with her.

For context, almost two years ago, we were drinking at a friend’s birthday party and some very hurtful things were said that couldn’t be taken back. Even after sobering up, I was too hurt to move on and I told her I wanted to divorce. We both knew it was because alcohol was the problem and she swore she would get help.

The idea that we needed CC and IC was also thrown in. We both uncovered problems that needed resolving. Long story short, we focused on fixing the problems in ourselves and our marriage and started breaking generational cycles. Unfortunately, a lot of roadblocks came our way during our healing.

My good friend of 10+ years cut me off for choosing to give my wife another chance, her mom got arrested, we moved into a smaller house, another friend tried to break us up, my father passed away, I could go on, but you get the point.

Fast forward to October 2023, we are is such a spot that we have BOTH been sober since that party and we were more in love with each other than ever and we talked about a second baby. We find out that she’s pregnant mid-October and start planning a reveal for Thanksgiving for family. Then, a few days after Halloween, she miscarries.

This is where the feeling of not doing enough comes in. I am at work, 35 miles away, when she needs to go to the hospital, and the person who she thought was her “best friend” for 8-ish years chooses not to go with her, so she had to go by herself on top of trying to wrangle and stay strong for a rambunctious toddler. I felt horrible and even with therapy, I haven’t really been able to move on from that.

So when she got pregnant with our daughter, I did every little thing for her with gusto. Obviously leading up to, and exceeding past, birth. Evolving into a mantra of “I will be the best husband and father I can humanly be.” Which leads to another common comment I’ve been seeing: her “menty-b moment.” We both have a dark sense of humor and make light of our pain before helping each other through a problem.

So her saying that she had a “menty-b,” she was just breaking the ice of her problem. Leading to the related problem some people seem to have: a little bit of crying is “not a mental breakdown.”

A) you have no right to say someone is or isn’t going through something, regardless of circumstance, and,

B) I downplay because privacy. But I guess I need to say that while I went to the bathroom, and our son was in his room and our newborn was fast asleep, my wife sobbed at her hands and knees fearing that she might fall down that path again and I was only taking on so much responsibility because she’s afraid I’m only preparing to take them in case she does spiral.

When someone posts something a bit vague, it’s not necessarily for ulterior motives. This post was made to answer any questions people had regarding the other one and to give background on our marriage so, I may not update again. I do sincerely thank everyone who was kind in the comments, especially all the moms who mentioned the “5 Days” thing, it gave my wife a laugh and some relief!

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Majestic_Cucumber_50 −  Sending u both so much love. ❤️ It sounds like you’ve been through the wringer, but ur hanging in there. Stay strong ,You’re doing great.

Accurate_Prompt_8800 −  Hey OP, thanks for the update. I’m so glad you managed to have a conversation with her about this. You’re a good husband and father, and she will appreciate all the support you’re giving her.

I’m glad the ‘5 Days’ suggestion made her laugh, that’s just what you need to do – keep joking with her if that’s what she enjoys, just continue to be there to support her. And make sure you look after yourself as best you can. Stay strong, you’re doing a fab job. You’ll both be ok!

raptorsympathizer −  Shifts are amazing and were a game changer for us as well! The schedule that ultimately worked best for us was: 9 am – 2 am (husband), then 2 am – 8 am (me). It still wasn’t easy, but decreased the sleep deprivation to a point that left me feeling capable of surviving.

(Sounds dramatic, but descriptive of how I was feeling). Things will continue to get easier with time. You sound like an amazingly thoughtful parter – as is (my hunch) your partner. Your communication sounds strong, which is the foundation for working through the crazy and unexpected challenges of life.. Best of luck!

Maleficent_Pay_4154 −  Sending hugs to you both. Well done for working through everything. Many here will say move on but it’s not the right answer for everyone

Rickwh −  I love the patience to took to write all this out and correct some of those heinous comments. Its amazing what people can “identify” from behind a keyboard. You have made some tough decisions, but I am in awe of the amazing consideration it seems like you took in making them.

It sound like you are a better man than most of us here, including myself… and you are younger than I am. When someone steps up like that, it make me proud to be a man, and inspires me to be a better man myself.. I’m rooting for you guys!

Slight_Valuable6361 −  I would handle up until midnight and wife handled anything after midnight. I did not have PTO and had to go to work the next day.

Thisisthenextone −  So everyone else that has a 3rd party view on your lives have cut her off or left. You’re down playing that a lot but that’s the basics. Your best friend cut you off because of her. Her best friend stopped being there for her. Another friend tried to break you two up. Her mother is gone for an extended period of time.

You keep saying what adversities you pushed through but not what exactly the result is. No longer drinking is fine and all but what else was achieved? What growth? Pushing through advertises isn’t the goal. That’s just the journey. Normal people don’t have an extreme amount of personal adversities to overcome where everyone around them don’t want them to be together.

There are 2 kids now dependent on you two and many of those you two considered close to you said she shouldn’t be around. That makes me worried for these children.

Fkingcherokee −  I hope your wife is continuing her individual counseling. PPD and PPA are often dismissed because every woman who’s just given birth or miscarried has to ride the emotional hormone rollercoaster, but if she’s already seeing a professional they’ll be keeping an eye out for the signs.

Opposite_Birthday_80 −  Congratulations on the baby and for being a great Dad and husband.❤️ It’s really nice to see a happy Reddit post.

Minute_Hunter_8712 −  YTA for not using paragraphs

How would you approach supporting a partner who fears spiraling back into old struggles, especially during a vulnerable time? Do you think open communication and shared responsibilities can help ease these fears? Share your thoughts below!