UPDATE:My girlfriends father discouraged me from proposing because their family isn’t thrilled about us having “Dark Babies”?
A man hesitated to propose to his girlfriend after her father expressed concerns about their future mixed-race children, but the situation turned out to be a misunderstanding. After confronting her parents with his girlfriend, he discovered her father was worried about how others might treat their family, not about the kids’ skin color. With love and acceptance affirmed, the couple is stronger than ever. Read the full update below.
‘ UPDATE:My girlfriends father discouraged me from proposing because their family isn’t thrilled about us having “Dark Babies”?’
Yesterday afternoon I sat my gf, Naomi down and had a conversation with her about what her dad said to me. I tried to leave out any mention of proposal and told her I was in their neighborhood and decided to pop by (Terrible lie, I know but she bought it).
I told her what her dad said about us having dark babies and asked if she had any similar feelings about our kids popping out half black. She looked at me like I was out of my mind. She told me she didn’t give a f**k about the color of her kids as long as I was the dad, which was reassuring.
She was not so happy with her dad. She wanted us to take a drive over there and talk with her parents about it. That evening we dropped by unannounced and when her mom opened the door to see us she immediately asked Naomi to show her the ring. Naomi was confused and I about s**t myself.
I, like a d**bass, didn’t call ahead to her parents that I hadn’t proposed. I guess her mom thought we were going to surprise her with the engagement and assumed I had already proposed. I was speechless. They began speaking in Korean, but from context I assume her mom was asking if I was too cheap to buy her an engagement ring.
And Naomi looked at me and started hugging and kissing me. My secret was out and I told her I had already asked her parent for their blessing. She was a few seconds from crying but sucked it up so we could speak to her dad.
Like I said in my og post my future father in law isn’t great at English so he and Naomi spoke in Korean. According to Naomi, she asked him why he told me that, and he said that he was worried about their extended family not viewing our babies as Korean and being rude to them or me for being black.
I guess this did not come across well in English, because he was just concerned for me and our kids. He didn’t care that our babies would have dark skin. This was a huge relief. Her father isn’t the r**ist their extended families are (but like, f**k them who cares what they think).
I am just so glad that our future kids are going to have grandparents that are going to love them. Only downside is now Naomi is expecting my proposal so I really got to knock her socks off.
Thanks so much for all the help.🤟🏿
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
maddr_lurker − Good news is you’re pretty much guaranteed to get a yes! Let us know how the proposal goes! Do you have any idea how you’ll surprise her?
one4buffett − What a sweet update!! I’m sorry her mom “ruined” the surprise. My grandma did the same thing to my dad (her son) before he could propose to my mom. 41 years later, they still tell the story!
[Reddit User] − Aww yay! Great ending! Have a happy life!
fuber − go make those babies! And post pics!. . (of the babies, duh)
itsalwaysmoney − Haha, my American partner asked my asian father for permission to marry me. My father was confused and called me immediately afterwards and asked me why I sent my partner to tell him that I was engaged rather than telling him myself. Needless to say, I was very confused. Language barriers + cultural gap = funny moments. I’m sure it won’t be the last one. Good luck! 🙂
small119 − A little advice on the proposal trust your gut and do it how you know she will love your just adding stress on yourself I know I was terrified when I asked my fiance in December I could barely open the box and I did it in our kitchen and she absolutely loved it,
I told her for weeks I didn’t want to put up Christmas lights in the house because it was a waste of time well when she was gone for a week I decorated the whole kitchen put up a trees and spelled out will you marry me in Christmas lights she absolutely lost it and cried for 25 minutes,
moral of my story is it doesn’t have to be anything crazy or extravagant it has to be what she will love and where you feel comfortable this is a huge decision and for the love of God don’t forget to put the ring on her finger when she says yes because I did and got a “aren’t you going to put it on me?”. Glad your future in laws aren’t r**ist and good luck man. Make her happy
jininberry − Bro I’m half korean. My bf is black and our baby girl is like a little model. My mother loves her and shows her off to her korean family. My brother’s wife is African and their baby is the cutest baby ever, like GAP kids ad cute.
If she was surprised about what her dad said he might actually only be worried about the korean family in Korea. If they’ve been here for a long time they are probably pretty assimilated. Unfortunately koreans can be r**ist but most are fine.
realfake77 − Hey, OP. I’m in your boat, but like in reverse. My husband in full Korean, and I’m half-white, half-Mexican. His parents (who also don’t speak English well) blatantly did not want him to marry a non-Korean woman and were quite adamant about it, so much to the point that my husband had to kneel before his parents (they’re quite old-school) and pretty much beg for us to stay together after we’d dated on the dl for 2+ years.
His own mom challenged him and our feelings told us if we really loved each other, then get married immediately. So we did, lol. We eloped at the court house: no rings, no special clothes, no vows, just our love. We’ve been married now for 3+ years, expecting our first kid in October, and I took night classes for 2+ years learning Korean to be able to talk with his parents.
Communication isn’t perfect, but I feel accepted enough, and I know they love us and see how we’re so happy together. We love them, too. It can take time, but these worries of race, I find, are often borne from the fear of the unknown, an ignorant fear. Once the ignorance is removed, however, the truth will reveal itself, the fear subsiding.
I highly suggest learning some Korean in order to ease some of the burden of translation off your to-be fiancee. Even basic phrases go a long way– just be sure to use formal or honorific conjugation when speaking (this will make sense when you study) and DO NOT use informal with your in-laws, especially on your wedding day.
Feel free to DM me if you need help for translation, textbook, app, or youtube suggestions! Congratulations, OP! 축하합니다~♡
Sweetragnarok − Im soo happy for you. My suggestion, ask her to marry you in Korean. Look into youtube or ask another native speaker to at least have you say the words phonetically correct.
I did that when I started learning Japanese, it was hard just saying things out as they were spelled then realized phonetically its different. You can be a bit more sweet and humorous in her language saying like. ” Honey, this isnt the way I wanted to propose, but I would be honored if you would marry me.
You are the best thing that has ever happen to my life”. Its a mouthful but imagine if you said that in her home language, she would be sobbing tears of joy! An intimate and sweet proposal is fine, the fact you already ask her parents for blessing speaks volumes that you are AWESOME!
Maybe learn to make a dish she really wants, then pop the question. You can be a little creative and go to etsy and buy yourself a custom cake topper dolls to your and gfs image for a wedding cake. And preset that to her with the ring in hand.
I dont know if Korea has any traditional ways in doing a proposal. Im half asian (Filipino) and if I went through my country’s old school pre- colonial courtship-proposal method, thats a ceremony in itself but can be touching and meaningful esp if the family is traditional. Pls update us soon with the proposal as this sub and this world needs more Happy Endings.
QueenofKeelas − I love a happy ending 😭😭😭
Communication can uncover hidden truths and mend misunderstandings. How would you have handled this situation? Share your thoughts or similar experiences in the comments below!