[UPDATE]My (25m) wife (26f) has had lice for almost a year. How to handle this?

A Reddit user shared a surprising update about his wife’s year-long battle with lice, which had been a point of tension in their marriage. After months of avoidance and frustration, a heartfelt conversation and some tough love finally led to a breakthrough. Read the full update below to see how they handled the issue and what they learned in the process.

‘ [UPDATE]My (25m) wife (26f) has had lice for almost a year. How to handle this?’

Hello. After several months of absolutely no progress, I really wasn’t expecting to have an update for you all after just a few days but here it is! I talked to her when I got home and managed to find a few minutes alone without distractions and asked her for a status update on the lice removal.

Long story short, I was met with another excuse as to why it would have to wait until next week and my foot came down. I don’t think she took it seriously until later on in the night when we went to bed.

I slept on our futon instead of with her and also turned her down for s**, which is something that I am pretty sure has happened only like twice in our entire relationship. The very next day she called and made an appointment to get professionally de-loused. I went with to the appointment and they were able to check me as well.

The woman did not find anything in my hair even with a magnifying glass and a UV light that apparently makes the nits glow. My wife was treated and is now lice free. We talked afterwards about why it took so long for her to get it taken care of.

Many of you were right; she was embarrassed, broke, discouraged from the hours we wasted trying to treat it ourselves in the beginning, and it was just easier for her to not think about it. Also, once we moved into my parent’s house, she was even more embarrased and did not want them to know about it.

Pretty much all of the at-home treatments would be a dead giveaway. She apologized, vacuumed, did all of our laundry and bedding, and we have put this annoyance behind us. We also checked our son when he got home from school and he’s in the clear too.

So that’s that! Still have to get to the bottom of why someone would think it’s preferable to have lice than to deal with the embarrasment of people knowing you have lice, but I think that’s one of those pesky communication things that we have to work on.

Thanks very much to those of you that responded with legitimate advice. I got over 100 PM’s after my post was locked regarding lice treatments that you found successful lol.

Since the last post got a ton more attention than I was expecting and the comments were like 60% misinformation about lice, I’ll clear a few things up with info that I learned from the professionals at the delousing clinic (I hope this isn’t against the rules):

Lice can’t live anywhere except on a human head and they die about 24 hours if they are away. Since they die so quickly, it’s not possible to have a “lice infestation” in your home or on your furniture. All we were told to do to make sure she doesn’t get re-infected from a stray lice was to either stay away from unwashed pillows/hats/bedding for a couple days or to wash it in hot water.

Some people are immune to lice and differen’t “families” (the word the delouser used) of lice only like certain types of hair. In other words, it’s entirely possible to live with someone with lice and not get lice.

**tl;dr**: Good talk, no more lice, still unresolved root issues, progress!

Check out how the community responded:

kmarielynn −  Well, this turned out better than I expected. Good on you for finally putting your foot down. My only suggestion would be to keep an eye out for any lice in weeks to come. It’s pretty easy to miss something when you have to wash *everything*.

MarianneDashwood −  My mother used to say, “If you ever come home with lice…just don’t come home.” There was so much disgust toward people who got lice, I really thought it was the most shameful thing that could happen to a person. I never got lice.

I moved to California as an adult, where pretty much every child gets lice at some point in their school career, and my kids got it. I truly lost my mind. On top of that, they had it during a time when the Bay Area had a particularly virulent “Superlice” epidemic, so home treatments just weren’t getting rid of it.

It took a long time and many visits to doctors and after a few weeks, even a woman we hired to come to our home to professionally delouse the kids and home. Lice do die fairly quickly when not on a host, and as long as the professional service got all the nits when she treated her, I think you’re in the clear.

Aikistan −  Excellent news! I know this was really bugging you. <cough Health and hygiene are more important than pride. Now that they’re gone, please reward her good decision with a full salon treatment, if you can.. edit: they’re. Sheesh.

Akavinceblack −  differen’t “families” (the word the delouser used) of lice only like certain types of hair. Lice have feet that are shaped to grip the hair shaft, and the ones that are shaped to hold onto straight hair (which is round) don’t work with curly hair (which is oval) or kinky hair (which is almost flat) and visa versa all the way around.

SerpentsDance −  A few years ago I was having some issues with my scalp itching and bleeding in places, so I went to a dermatologist. One of the first things he did was check for lice, and immediately said “it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, you’d be surprised by how many people live with lice and don’t seek treatment because there’s a stigma associated with having lice.”

My issue was actually due to psoriasis, but how quickly the dermatologist brought up lice makes me think it’s not uncommon for people to just kind of suffer through having that problem.

longobong0 −  I had lice when I was a child. I’m actually kind of embarrassed to admit that it was a pretty traumatic experience for me. I had insane itching of the scalp and my doctor (who checked my head) gave me a “shampoo” for eczema. As a 10 year old that nobody was taking seriously, I was pretty frustrated.

I was positive that what I had was lice – I could feel them running around on my scalp! When I would itch, I would also pick and finally the day came where I picked out a bug itself.

Took a few weeks to get it taken care of… Never wished I could go to school that badly as during those two weeks. All this to say, I cannot imagine how it was easier for your wife to ignore it.. the itching is god damn unbearable.. Glad to hear she took you seriously, though.

[Reddit User] −  everyone who keeps saying you need to delouse the entire house.. that’s for bed bugs, not head lice

annafirtree −  Still have to get to the bottom of why someone would think it’s preferable to have lice than to deal with the embarrasment of people knowing you have lice, but I think that’s one of those pesky communication things that we have to work on.

Just don’t expect a *rational* reason. Her fear of embarrassment trumped her fear of lice, and her mind learned to shy away from even thinking about them. It’s something people’s brains just do, sometimes.

SimmerDownSasquatch −  So, I live in a state that is very lice-prone. My daughter (9) has gotten it 3 times and given it to me twice. Please. Please. Please. For the love of all that is holy – get a take home treatment and treat with the shampoo 7-10 days after her initial treatment.

If they missed two nits which happen to birth a male and a female, they may mate and cause reinfestation. The life cycle is such that the nits hatch within the first 7 days of being laid, but don’t become s**ually mature adults until 10 days after hatching.

So if you kill them after they are all hatched, but before they reproduce – BOOM. Done. Forever. Try to convince her to do this. Don’t listen if she said the place gave a guarantee that they got them all. They only guarantee if you follow the aftercare!

[Reddit User] −  So that’s that! Still have to get to the bottom of why someone would think it’s preferable to have lice than to deal with the embarrasment of people knowing you have lice, but I think that’s one of those pesky communication things that we have to work on. Stigma is real, and hurts people by driving them away from seeking care. Fortunately, this wasn’t something that could really hurt her (though it was gross).

What do you think about how this couple handled the situation? Was the husband’s approach effective, or could it have been done differently? Have you ever had to address an uncomfortable issue in a relationship? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!