Updated Told my husband(34m) I(30f) wouldn’t have children in the USA and gave him the ‘ultimatum’ that we would either move or divorce or be childfree. How do I explain why I’m ‘being like this’?

A Reddit user shares an update on their decision to leave the United States due to growing concerns over the political climate and the safety of raising children in the country. After seeing a disturbing message on a truck, the user felt compelled to act and made the difficult decision to move abroad,

offering their husband the option to join them. Despite their husband’s disturbed reaction, the user feels strongly about leaving and is preparing to make the move, even if it means continuing the relationship from a distance.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/qVPKm

‘ Updated Told my husband(34m) I(30f) wouldn’t have children in the USA and gave him the ‘ultimatum’ that we would either move or divorce or be childfree. How do I explain why I’m ‘being like this’?’

I don’t know if this is worth an update. I do know this got bigger than I thought it would be. I don’t think it put enough markers that could out me..other than that I’m a dual citizen in a red state, and I think a lot of dual citizens are likely thinking as I am.

(Also, I think updated is what your supposed to write on this but I don’t know if it will be allowed, Or if you’re supposed to update on the other post) A day ago I saw something that really kind of cemented my choice.

A truck stopped next to me at a red light on my regular grocery route, and on the window it had painted. “Her body, my choice”. I’ve never heard this line before, I don’t know if it’s some wave of insanity overtaking that side of America, I don’t care.

I don’t even care if it was a sick joke, I was so shocked I thought I’d read it wrong and messaged my friend group. Where a friend then hours later messaged with a picture of that same truck parked elsewhere with the sign. I’ve decided to leave.

I did start this for advice on how to explain why, better to my husband…but I don’t feel safe, so I’m go to start my moving preparations, and if we still haven’t come to a conclusion by the time I am leaving, I guess we can try long distance, marriage counselling, if we still want to continue this.

When my friend sent the picture of the car, I showed it to him, and my husband did look disturbed. I don’t know if we are going to last, I don’t know if he is going to come but… I’m just done with this country. It was that the man who wrote that was confident enough to write that.

It’s when cruel and sick people get that confident, that I know it’s time to leave. So I did tell him today in as many words that didn’t want to stay anymore, and will be leaving. I told him I can’t make that choice for him, but for my part, I hope he chooses to come, like I chose to stay for him for as long as I did.

I had a planned trip, but I have extended it, I am go to visit my family for longer to look at areas. I’m sorry if this is not the update some people were hoping for, but with my grandmothers advice.

I’m also getting the same feel as when I lived in BC and saw people stay in there homes until the very last minute during the wildfires…and they gained nothing from not leaving earlier. Nothing. Not sure when I’ll update again, but I hope everyone is safe out there.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

nessabobessa82 −  It’s not one pickup. It’s not one “i**ot.” The man driving the truck probably doesn’t own a reprographics company. What that means is that there is a business out there who not only manufactured the sticker but has a market to sell it.

That sticker represents a cluster of decisions and choices that led to the sticker being seen in her own town. The message doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s merely the first physical manifestation of an idea that has been disseminated. A meme in the wild.

That’s what dangerous ideas do. They spread and this one is a vile idea that’s spreading. OP has an avenue to leave, and I don’t blame her.

CroneWisdom61 −  “Her body my choice” is the new ‘thing’ for them. They’re gloating in the most disturbing and reprehensible ways. There are podcasts and YouTube videos (MeidasTouch) discussing it – I think even MSNBC has covered it a bit in the last couple of days.

It is frightening and I fear it’s only the beginning. Their leader is an adjudicated rapist and serial predator. Those folks are feeling emboldened to an extreme right now and who knows where it may go.

WildValkarye −  Come home.

torontogal1986 −  Come home 🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦 we have our own s**t but please if you can get some where safe, do it.

theperson73 −  Not sure if this has been asked or if you’ve said anything about it, but has he told you/have you asked him WHY he doesn’t want to move (assuming he doesn’t)? Is it family?

Is it a career/work thing for him (even if you might make good money, what would his career prospects be like in Canada? Would he be able to have a satisfying work life? Etc.)? I think from a relationship perspective,

if you want to stay together, it would be good to really try to understand where he’s coming from and what he wants, not because you should just give in or go along with what he wants, but because he might not have REALLY thought about it before.

Asking the question and looking at each of his concerns methodically might allow him to come to the conclusion that moving is ok, or it might not. But having an open and honest conversation about what each of you wants could help you work through this together.

Really asking him about this would also help him feel like the things that are important to him are being taken into consideration, eg. Having a plan for visiting his family, having a plan for his career (work can be about more than just money!), etc.

And that could help him feel more comfortable with making the move to another country with you. It’s important to remember that in a relationship, both people’s values and lives are important. If they’re incompatible, then they’re incompatible, but it’s possible for them to be compatible,

yet for one person to feel like their values are being treated with less importance/respect, causing more friction in these kinds of big decisions. This goes both ways, and he should be more validating of your concerns and worries if he hasn’t been,

but you have got to really consider both people’s points of view if you’re going to stay together. Doing so will also let you know if staying together is even possible, because maybe things just aren’t compatible.

yennyyenyen −  Fellow Canadian woman here. Just want to say you are so brave to do this. Ignore the trumpers in the comments. Its hard watching american women lose their rights and I would do the same thing as you in your shoes. I hope he joins you in Canada and I wish you all the best.

bdayqueen −  Hon, I don’t blame you. The guy who voiced this disgusting POV needs to be removed from the gene pool. MAGA men have made women feel so afraid. If they cared, they’d shut this POS down.

Susgatuan −  I would recommend seeking therapy once you have made whatever decision you make.

petraluxurygfe −  US is a s**t cesspool.. Especially for women.. Fair to leave honestly.

EeektheBrave27 −  You live in a country where your bodily autonomy is about to be taken away. YOU ARE VALID. Put him in your shoes and see how he’d feel if his bodily autonomy was going to get taken away! Bet he’ll change his tune real quick.