Update:AITA for objecting to ‘girls day’?

A Redditor (M) had been feeling excluded from family events, especially a “girls day” which he felt was actually an exclusion of him, the only male in the immediate family. After sharing his perspective online, it led to a confrontation with his family, who demanded an apology, accusing him of airing dirty laundry. Despite his explanation, he was not met with understanding, and the situation escalated. He eventually decided to go no-contact with his family. Read the full story below.

‘ Update:AITA for objecting to ‘girls day’?’

This last month has been kind of wild for me so I haven’t had an opportunity to update this until now. So the descriptions of my family and my family situation in this thread was specific enough that one of my family members found out about it and confronted me.

Due to the fact that I had deactivated my Facebook and was only receiving text messages, I didn’t realize what was happening before I was ambushed by it. My sister (oldest) confronted me about it and asked if it was me who made the thread and I confirmed that it was. And she insisted I was being s**tty for airing the family’s laundry like that.

I responded that I in no way did that as I was speaking very generally and never identified who my family was. This spread to my family and now the thread was shared on Facebook and everyone was shown.

I was invited to a family meeting (we never have those) where I was sat in front of a firing squad of angry women who told me that what I did was wrong and demanded an apology. They said that ‘I knew’ they weren’t excluding me and because I gave everyone that impression I owed them an apology.

I replied that I absolutely did NOT know they were not excluding me, and included examples of things they did (such as the birthday dinner, going to an amusement park, and going to a baseball game).

Once again they characterized this as a girls only event of fun where boys just weren’t allowed or welcome because they wanted to talk about things guys wouldn’t be interested in. I replied that she needs to stop saying ‘guys’ because there is only one guy who would have been invited and that’s me, so what she’s really saying it its a no OP event, not a girls only event.

They explained that it wasn’t excluding me because regardless of whether I was interested in the event the conversation would have bored me because I’m not a girl. At this point we were going around in circles so I just explained my perspective,

I said that I’m the only male in our immediate family, when the people in my immediate family get together on a regular basis (not a one off or once in a while) and don’t include me, regardless of what they called it I feel excluded.

I explained that the breaking point was the family vacation, and that there was absolutely no reason to leave me out of a vacation I was always invited to, particularly when that’s the only family vacation we do and they’ve stated they cannot afford a second one.

At the end of this family meeting, I was never given an apology, no one tried to empathize with my perspective, and I was accused of many things that I didn’t do by any reasonable interpretation. I told my mother and my sisters that we reached a breaking point in our relationship and that I was going no contact for a while.

I told them I’m an adult, and I have my own life, and the reason I wanted to be involved was because I didn’t want one of those family relationships where you only see your family at holidays.

If that’s not what my family wants then it’s okay, but I told them that I was not going to be involved with people who made me feel s**tty and intentionally leave me on the outside looking in of my own family.

My mother/sisters told me that if I was going to lie about them to everyone that they don’t care. At this point, my relationship with my family is over, I left that family meeting and have not reactivated Facebook and have not received any contact and have not initiated any contact. Que sera, sera.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

XLauncher −  I’m so sorry OP. I wish you speedy healing, difficult as it may be. Since at least one family member is reading, let me say you’s miserable people if the general thrust of the story matches OP’s telling of it. Shame on you. Also, you’re nuts if you think a catty group is going to be satisfied ostracizing just the one person. Look around your group and ask yourself who’s next.

AskMitchard −  NTA – Thanks for the update OP – sorry it ended so badly for you but it’s probably best instead of things remaining toxic for years whilst everyone pretends it’s ok because “family.”. Edited to say you’re NTA.

[Reddit User] −  If the family is reading this: You guys just lost someone who loved you enough to want to spend time with you. How can a mother exclude her own son? How can a sister not defend her own brother? Shame on you guys.

It sounds like this guy is serious. Say goodbye to one of the only people that ever gave a s**t about you guys, because even if he does come back, it’ll never be the same. I would never do this to my family. Honestly you guys disgust me.

Kghp11 −  OMG, I’m so sorry. What they did is awful. They took your very valid concerns and tried to make you the bad guy. I know it hurts, but if your own mother and siblings are going to treat you so badly, you really are better off without them. Again, I’m so sorry.

M002 −  Hey OP’s family, if you’re reading this: You S**k. That is all.

THE_LANDLAWD −  I just read both posts and I have to say, this makes me angry just to read. Especially the vacation. “We’re not going on our usual vacation because we’re planning another vacation that *only you* are not invited to, and we can’t afford both.”

That’s pretty s**tty. And the fact that NO ONE can see how s**tty that is just blows my mind. You aren’t overreacting OP, they sound like a bunch of selfish bitches. I’ve gone full no-contact with certain people for similar reasons, and it sucked.

What sucks worse is all these years later, they still believe they did nothing wrong and I’m a bad person for cutting contact and never coming around. Hopefully your family comes to their senses, but don’t be surprised if they don’t.

IxamxUnicron −  Hey, if you’re near Tucson and like marvel movies, MTG or nerd stuff, send me a DM. Your family may not be in your life but if you need a friend, maybe we can chat.

no_YOU_hangup −  If they feel like they’ve done nothing wrong, how about they share their side of the story and let Reddit decide? Do you think they would OP? If everything you’ve said is true, I doubt they’ll have the guts to put their side of the story forward.

miladyelle −  Shame on them. It’s funny, how the n**ty people always yammer lines about “airing family business” being such a crime. Don’t want to be seen as n**ty people? Don’t be n**ty. And excluding one family member from family time under the guise of “girls day” outings is trashy behavior. Keep your chin up, OP. Build your chosen family. You deserve loved ones that aren’t poor imitations of a Mean Girl’s clique.

apathyontheeast −  That just really sucks, OP. Hope you are able to build some family of your own who aren’t assholes.

Feeling excluded from family events is tough, especially when it leads to a breakdown in communication. Do you think the Redditor was right to go no-contact, or did they overreact? Share your thoughts below!