UPDATE: Would I (38f) be an i**ot if I got back together with my ex husband (37m) who cheated on me 10 years ago?

A Reddit user shares an emotional update on her journey to reconcile with her ex-husband, who had cheated on her 10 years ago. After receiving thoughtful advice from fellow Redditors, she and her ex had a heart-to-heart conversation and decided to try again for the sake of their children and relationship. She reflects on their progress and how they plan to move forward. Read the story below to see how they’re navigating their second chance at love.

‘ UPDATE: Would I (38f) be an i**ot if I got back together with my ex husband (37m) who cheated on me 10 years ago?’

Its been a few days now since I’ve posted and reddit has given me some solid advice especially the kind redditors who messaged me directly. I’m very grateful for this cause it helped me calm down and not give in to my impulses.

The morning after I posted, I texted Mike saying that I needed time and space to think about everything. He then replied with “I’ve waited 10 years, I can wait a bit longer”. My heart melted. When the kids woke up, our son was looking for his dad. He’s at the age now where he pretty much idolized his dad. I get why though, Mike is an amazing dad. Our daughter gave me the stink eye all morning.

After lunch, when our son was in his room playing video games, my daughter confronted me about Mike. She basically said how she knew there was something going on (guess we’re not that sneaky) and that she didn’t want our fighting to affect their lives. She thought we were fighting.

Now, the divorce affected her but not as badly as expected. We made sure to get her counseling immediately after and made extra sure her life was as normal as possible. I’m not gonna delude myself and think she wasn’t hurt by it but I’m pretty confident in saying we dealt with it pretty well. Or as well as we could.

I then had the conversation about how we weren’t fighting but quite the opposite… We were thinking about getting back together. She thought about it for a while and said she was happy for us and hoped it was forever this time.

The next day I dropped my kids off at my parents house so I could talk to Mike at his place. We had a long talk about how we felt about each other, what we plan to do about it going forward, and as many of you suggested what he planned to do next time we hit a rough patch especially since we plan on having a 3rd kid. He told me that the night he cheated still haunted him 10 years later.

He told me how it wasnt worth it one bit and how it was the biggest mistake of his life. He said that if ever we hit a rough patch again, we would talk about it like adults. He even suggested we do couples counseling every now and then even when times are good. I liked this idea.

There are some details about our conversation that I want to keep private but long story short we got back together. We are going to take it slow and in every step we take, we both agreed that our children would take priority over everything. He’s not going to move in yet but he would spend a few nights a week at home with us.

Later that night, we sat the kids down and broke the news. Daughter didn’t say much cause she already knew but our son was over the moon. Since we divorced when he was a baby, the concept of both his parents being together was quite new to him. They obviously asked questions and we answered them. We’re also planning on doing family counseling to help make the transition easier for everybody.

Overall, I’m really happy right now. Mike made a mistake 10 years ago but I don’t hold it against him and have completely forgiven him for it. I know he loves me now and won’t cheat on me anymore. I’m back together now with the love of my life and father of my kids and I couldn’t be happier.

As I type this out, Mike is in the next room playing video games with our son. I’m not entirely sure what the future will look like but I’m happy he’s back. Thank you reddit for the advice. It really helped with our talk and how we proceed going forward. I think I’ll stay online for an hour or so to reply till the kids are asleep and he comes to bed then it’s my turn to have fun.. Peace 😁

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

womp-womp-rats −  Wishing you the best. Also admire the grown-up way you and your ex (your ex-ex?) are handling this situation.

Herdnerfer −  Great update, I hope everything works out. I also love the fact that not once did you concern yourself with what your friends or family would think, you only cared about the people who’s opinions actually mattered.

Foreignskin −  I think this comment will be buried but I was the daughter in almost this exact situation. My parents split when I was 8 and got back together when I was 18 after my mum cheated. My dad never stopped loving her and they remained friends and co-parented brilliantly the whole 10 years.

They’ve now been back together for almost as long as they were separated and I’ve never seen them as happy as they are currently. They’ve put a lot of work into it and are still working on it, but the big difference is they communicate properly and neither of them take each other for granted.

We’ve had a very difficult quarantine and I’ve had to move back in with them, but getting to see their relationship up close has reminded me how lucky I am and how much I appreciate them. I wish you and your family the best of luck and I’m so proud of you for being able to move forward and forgive. Your story has reminded me how lucky I am and I am so excited for your children to get to experience what I did 💕

Edit: I went for a nap and woke up to lovely-ness, thank you for your kind words!! To clarify, my mum cheated and that’s why they split up, not when they got back together, my wording was not great aha

[Reddit User] −  It’s great to see Mike has grown and that you could be so forgiving. My dad cheated and never came back (his choice), so your son will be lucky to have someone to show him how to shave properly. Stay well and may your love always grow.

faeriedaydreams −  Congratulations! Ten years is a long enough time for someone to change. He is still haunted by this one mistake and the fact that he was willing to give you more time shows his growth.

It’s great that you two were able to come back together. Sometimes life throws us curveballs in the best of ways. True love is hard to find and it’s just amazing to see a couple who was able to rekindle that passion. Infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of it all. I wish you nothing but the best as you four move forward as an even more united family.

askmeifilikeanal −  One time my professor dropped a stapler and it broke everywhere and he said this quote that has stuck with me years later “sometimes things have to fall apart so they can be put back together better” and I think it fits your situation

Staceyrt −  Great update. In your original post your love for him shone through and I’d hoped that you’d find a way to work it out. Hope all works out for you guys

[Reddit User] −  This is lovely. May I suggest family therapy as you navigate this? While I think your daughter is happy who knows what may pop up down the line. Esp if you have a normal couples fight and she thinks “oh no divorce”. Just a way to fortify what is a positive step. Also way to go on the steps you took. You had the right conversations with the right people before you made a decision.

Shallen_ −  Good luck to ya. I had a cheating ex who tried to weasel his way back. He said all the right things and put on a great act. I’m glad I paid attention to the red flags and didn’t fall for it because it was all a pack of lies. Please be careful. Have zero tolerance for any b**lshit from him. I know some people can change. I hope he’s one of them.

heretolearn00 −  My favourite part of your post is the huge level of respect you showed to your children, by sitting them down and being open with them, answering all their questions and treating them like equal human beings, not inferior people. I didn’t have that growing up and I’ve always thought to have it when I become a parent. I hope your life is what you deserve it to be.

Do you think the Redditor’s decision to get back together with her ex-husband was a wise one, given their shared history? Or do you think it’s too risky to rebuild a relationship after such a betrayal? How would you approach the challenge of reconciling with a partner after a major betrayal? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!