UPDATE: WIBTA to divorce my wife after she said she wanted to send our son to a conversion camp?
So first of all I’d like to thank everyone here for all the help and advice I’ve gotten under my post and in dms, sorry if I couldn’t answer to everyone there was just too many f**king people lol.
First, please read my original post: https://aita.pics/QKaXu
‘ UPDATE: WIBTA to divorce my wife after she said she wanted to send our son to a conversion camp?’
So I posted something about my wife wanting to send my son to a conversion camp two days ago. First of all some people told me to show her videos and documentaries about what happens there, but this argument has been ongoing for more than a week now, I’ve showed her things and she won’t budge.
Really bad update if I can be honest, so let’s get into it. All of you told me to try to get him out asap (yall were definitely right) so yesterday I took the day off and went to see an attorney just to get some info about divorce etc. But after what happened I’m 100% sure I want a divorce ASAP.
Yesterday I went to pick Noah at his school and as many of you suggested we had a long discussion. I basically told him his mom and I may be getting a divorce because she wants to send him to a conversion camp but I can’t accept that. I’ve talked with her many times and I told him I’ll probably go through with it.
He looked really hurt (my heart broke all over again) but was very understanding and thanked me for standing up for him. I pulled him into a tight hug and told him I’ll always love him no matter what and that nothings his fault.
At that moment he started crying because he was so glad at least I was on his side. And I’m very pissed so sorry if I don’t make sense but apparently his mom had been pressuring him for months. She planned dates with girls to try and “fix” him and he had to lie by saying he was going at a friend’s instead.
She was saying he needs help and as much as she loves him he needs to get his “condition” cured (???????) etc. I feel so bad because I’ve been so oblivious to all that and I’ve failed to protect him for all that time. How do you make your 16yo son go through that??
So when we got home yesterday I can’t lie I was furious and confronted her right there and then. At first she was trying to explain she was doing it for him but her speech quickly turned to slurs and it was clear she was just ashamed of having a gay son. In the end I told her I went to see an attorney and that learning all that just confirmed that I want a divorce.
She got really angry, calling me a delusional disgrace we argued a lot and at some point Noah tried to separate us but my wife punched him multiple times???? She was saying disgusting things like he is a dirty fagg\*t and that it’s all his fault we’re getting divorced because his filth corrupted me.
My daughter who was prob in her room came to see what all that commotion was about and was rightfully horrified and quickly called 911 when I told her to. Long story short the cops got there and took her away (she was very reluctant to go because she was ‘not in the wrong’ and they needed to let her go). I explained everything to my daughter and she doesn’t want anything to do with her mom anymore.
Rn I’m in the hospital because my stb ex wife broke my rib while I was restraining her, I should’ve probably went as soon as the cops took her but idc my son was crying, with a black eye and split lip (they are checking for any concussion) and obviously the only thing I cared about was to comfort him because I can’t even imagine what it can feel like being beaten by your mom for being gay.
I’m planning to file for full custody ofc and my kids don’t want to see her ever again anyway. Given all the charges she’s facing I hope she won’t stand a chance against me. I just sent a mail to my attorney and I hope the procedures will be fast. I’ve also thought of getting CPS involved but I’m not sure they will rly help.
Like I cannot understand how you can grown so resentful of your own kid because of something they can’t control. Even I had pretty strong opinions about it, but as a father it is my role to unconditionnally love my kids and so I learnt about the topic and changed my way of seeing the world for him. It took some time grasping it but I never doubted one sec the love I have for my child. I thought it was the same for my wife. Visibly not.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
MayanRainbow84 − Oh my… sorry to hear about all this! But thank you for doing the right thing and sticking up for your kids!! Wishing you guys all the best!!
HotxxIsabella − Your daughter is amazing for calling 911. You’ve raised some incredible kids.
Wayward_Compass − Looks like she reaped what she sowed… And sowed… And sowed… And while she was at it, tacked on some lifelong NC from both kids.. Stellar mothering right there.
I’m sorry you all had to experience this side of her. Why do you suppose, after so many years together, that you are just seeing this part of her now? Is she experiencing cognitive issues that may not have been present before?
ice_wolf_fenris − Youre a good one op. My dad did the same thing for me. He didnt understand when i came out as trans but he educated himself because he loves me and my brothers unconditionally. All that matters is that your kids and you stay safe. Take care man.
My_2Cents_666 − I have a friend who was sent to one of those camps. 40 years later, he was crying while telling me his story. Still traumatized. Thx for being a good Dad.
ElehcarTheFirst − I have an extended chosen family of kids whose parents are like your wife. I’m auntie, cousin, mother, sister to dozens of queer and/or nonreligious people whose families refused to accept them. Your STBXW is terrible. You’re doing what every parent ought to do and accepting your child for who they are.
TwistyHeretic2 − And now , my friend : Press *all* the charges that fit , and do not back down unless so advised by your attorney(s). I do hope you have photographic evidence of the injuries to go with the written reports and medical records.
This *thing* (not woman, not wife, not mother — she is undeserving of these titles)… this *thing* wanted to sign your son over to be physically, psychologically and emotionally *tortured*. Make sure to push for every protection you can legally muster for both kids.
concrete_dandelion − Please make sure your son is not alone for a second until legal matters are taken care of. Many of the torture camps offer abducting the child so they can’t get to a safe place (or simply refuse to go).
Fiend_Nixxx − I know you’re doing what a parent does when they love their cohild; cherish and protect them unconditionally. So please don’t take this as sarcasm or trolling. But gd, thank you for being an amazing human being and a wicked awesome, take no prisoners, line in the sand, you shall not pass, kinda dad.
After the insanity experienced earlier this week, your post and immediate response has redeemed my faith in humanity for the moment. For real, don’t stop being you and doing what you do. Keep your head up and take comfort in your kids will be able to come to you no matter what they face in life. You’re lucky to have each other. Random redditor sending love <3
Fluid_Dragonfruit_98 − THIS is what unconditional love looks like. Your poor son’s mother failed the one real parenting test – do I love my child as they are, no matter what. ETA proud parent of a trans child here. They have way too many friends who have been rejected by their families. All children deserve unconditional love. But many don’t receive it.